


You're Magic and I'm the Devil

by Nathaliafl123



Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ, Super Junior, Super Junior-M
Genre: Complicated Relationships, Donghae is Heechul's favorite dongsaeng, F/M, Hate, Heechul is Cinderella, Heechul's Limited POV, Jealousy, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Siwon is Prince Charming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-20
Updated: 2016-04-18
Packaged: 2018-05-07 21:33:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 52,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5471522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nathaliafl123/pseuds/Nathaliafl123
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hankyung left. Sungmin got married. Kangin stole Leeteuk away. Shindong has a girlfriend. Ryeowook is occupied with deciding between Yesung and Henry. Kyuhyun and Changmin are linked at the hip. Zhoumi has a fiancee. Eunhyuk and Donghae got together.<br/>All the girls hate Heechul. All his guy friends are straight. Now all he has left is Siwon.<br/>And he hates that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Try to Escape

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! So I’m a bad fanfic writer and I can’t stick to just one (*ahem* “A Swing for Four” why can’t I write you fast enough?). So I have begun a second Super Junior fanfic that is just as near and dear to my heart as “My Clarity” is. (SiChul why do you hurt my heart so much?) It includes plenty of boyxboy, so if you don’t like, then please feel free to leave. Comments and Kudos are appreciated. <3 Please be considerate. (P.s. I don’t hate any of the other ships involving the SuJu members, so don’t worry about that. i just picked these particular ones because they worked the best for what i’m doing here ahaha)  
> note: Some chapter pictures are EDITED by me, but the originals aren't mine. Check my deviantart for which ones are my edits if you want: http://nathaliafl123.deviantart.com/ )

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Now try to escape  
> Try to escape me tonight” ~ Eunhyuk, from “Magic”

He doesn't know why it's a Friday night and he's not out drinking with his friends. He doesn't know what is preventing him from leaving at this very moment, from stomping out the front door of his apartment in a childish fit and going downtown to a raunchy nightclub.

Heechul says he doesn't know, but he's kidding himself. He does know.

It's Siwon.

The younger man is sitting next to Heechul on the couch, a bunch of heavy blankets wrapped around him like a cocoon, a stupid grin on his face. He points to the laptop screen that is resting on the coffee table repeatedly, excitedly saying, "Look, Hyung, this is the best part!"

Heechul scowls in response, tugging on his own jet-black hair, still wondering why he hasn't up and left. Siwon has been holding him hostage in his own flat since seven in the morning, making him marathon all sixteen episodes of Siwon's latest drama, "She was Pretty", something he filmed more than two years ago before his military enlistment. They are finally on the last episode and Heechul couldn’t be more glad. He was largely interested in the drama at first, but he stopped paying attention around three episodes ago, so he doesn't understand what's going on, nor does he care.

"Siwon-ah, is it over yet?" the elder complains, crossing his arms. “It’s nearly midnight and I have a schedule tomorrow.”

"Not yet, not yet." The younger keeps his wide, dark-brown eyes locked on the screen, his eyebrows pulled together in an abnormal shape. "It's almost the end—watch."

Heechul tries, but the brightness of the television compared to the pitch blackness of the rest of the room bothers his eyes. His throat is killing him too; how long ago did he last drink something?

Sighing, Heechul gets up and goes into his kitchen for a glass of water. He doesn’t hear Siwon complain about his departure, probably because he’s so used to the elder's short attention span. Siwon knows too many useless things about Heechul now that he’s been spending so much time in his apartment, watching pointless drama reruns and playing stupid video games with him. Heechul isn’t entirely sure why his time with the younger has increased exponentially, but he has a hunch. Something to do with Donghae falling out of love with Siwon while they were in the military and into a deeper love with Eunhyuk sounds about right for the cause.

Scrunching his eyebrows together, Heechul ditches the glass of water for a can of beer instead. He hopes a bit of alcohol in his system will take his mind off such weighty topics, as well as lessen the headache he’s been getting from watching that drama for so many hours. Heechul leans his hip against the kitchen counter, opening the can with his slender fingers. The refreshing click sounds through the deafening silence, and he takes a sip. The smooth liquid rushes down his throat; Heechul is waiting for the subtle burn of alcohol, but the beer isn’t enough to give it to him. He needs something stronger.

He rummages around in his fridge, hoping to find something, anything, with a higher alcohol content. Sadly, he’s fresh out of soju and this is also his last can of beer. He needs to go shopping.

Heebum comes slinking into the kitchen, yawning, while Heechul finishes writing a shopping list. The singer smiles at his cat, bending down to scratch behind his grey ears. He wonders where Cherry is—probably sleeping since it’s so late. He picks Heebum up with one hand and carries his half-empty beer can in his other.

When Heechul comes back into the living room, Siwon is leaning back against the plush couch with his eyes closed, laptop snapped shut. The episode must have finished while the elder was absent.

Heechul sets his cat down on the younger’s wide shoulders. Siwon jumps with surprise, and Heebum pounces off of his back, running away back to Heechul’s bedroom. Chuckling, Heechul leans his arms on the back of the couch, above the younger, swinging his beer over Siwon’s head. “Aren’t you planning on leaving? You look tired. Plus, this is my last beer and I intend on getting drunk tonight.”

Siwon looks up with a concerned expression. His thick eyebrows are pulled up in the middle and his lips are in a pout. “I’m not leaving. You know I don’t like it when you go out. And you shouldn’t be drinking that anyways; it’s bad for your health.”

Siwon swipes at Heechul’s drink, but the elder dodges. He gives the younger an indignant smirk, and then downs the rest of the can, disobeying Siwon’s suggestion.

The younger sighs, running a hand through his slicked-back hair, “You always drink too much. And then you perform with a hangover the next day. I don’t like it when you do that to yourself.”

Siwon is right, but the elder doesn’t want to admit it. He sighs exasperatedly, coming around to sit on the couch. If Siwon isn’t planning on leaving, he may as well get comfy.

“Fine. Give me a blanket,” Heechul demands, setting the empty can on the coffee table. The apartment isn't heated and the biting winter cold is getting to him.

Siwon doesn’t even flinch. He reaches behind him, to where the other red-and-black quilts are hanging on the back of the couch, and then wraps them neatly around Heechul without the elder asking him to. Heechul pulls the covers around himself more tightly, not bothering to give any thanks. Siwon always does more than he’s asked.

And that’s what Heechul hates about him.

“Put on something good,” he mutters.

“You don’t want to go to sleep?” Siwon asks.

“Not with you still here,” Heechul scoffs. If Siwon isn’t going to leave Heechul alone, then he should suffer in some way. “Play something really scary.”

Shrugging, the younger reopens the computer, searching his stash of downloaded videos. Heechul watches him pick a horror film that will probably keep the two of them up all night.

But no matter how interesting or frightening the movie may be, Heechul cannot pay attention to it. He becomes quickly lost in his own thoughts.

Lately, his bad attitude has gotten much worse, a result of Siwon being constantly around to baby him and forbid him from going out drinking. And the younger man doesn’t seem to mind it at all; in fact, it seems like he doesn’t even notice the difference. He is still the same ever-smiling, joke-cracking, clingy Siwon.

This bothers Heechul immensely. He was hoping that his bitchy demeanor would drive the kind-hearted Siwon far away, but it drew him closer instead. Heechul now almost purposely gives him annoyed looks and acts temperamental, anticipating the younger to be repelled by it, but to no avail.

Why does he not want Siwon around? He’s just...too nice. Too caring for the elder. The only things Heechul ever wants from Siwon are for him to grab the TV remote or go get him a drink, not bundle him up in warm covers or treat him like a child.

Heechul doesn’t think he’s deserving of Siwon’s affection.

His head and eyes grow heavier with every second until he finally lets his head drop onto the younger’s shoulder. His sleepiness prevents him from realizing that he is cuddled up against Siwon’s side.

The last things Heechul registers before he falls asleep are high-pitched screams in the background from the horror film, and the feeling of Siwon pulling the quilts around the both of them and resting his head on his elder’s.


	2. A Bit More Complicated

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “A bit more complicated than romantic  
> I can’t figure out what this feeling is” ~ Eunhyuk, Ryeowook, “Devil”

Heechul wakes up at ten in the morning to Siwon’s sleeping face: no make-up since he wasn’t wearing any yesterday, short eyelashes resting on his cheeks, thin lips slightly parted, snoring deeply. Heechul cringes, pushing away from the other man, and then realizes that they are still on the couch, him lying on top of the younger like a lover.

Heechul shakes his head at the thought, leaving the living room to get ready. He has a radio show to run at eleven and he’s going to be late now, thanks to Siwon.

He takes a boiling hot shower, letting the water turn his pale skin bright red. Out of the shower, he dries his hair and looks at himself in the mirror. Big eyes stare back at him, a frown upon his plush lips and dark bags under his eyes. He looks terrible, the result of staring at a laptop screen all day yesterday until late night. Heechul feels a bit better knowing that Siwon will probably be suffering from the same.

As usual, he’s wrong. By the time Heechul rushes down in jeans and a checkered T-shirt, Siwon is awake and standing at the stove, looking as handsome and clean as ever, in spite of his messy bed-head and outfit from yesterday. His stubble is light and his expression does not hint at any lack of sleep. In fact, he looks well-rested.

“What are you doing?” Heechul asks bitterly, scouring his fridge for any leftover rice.

“Making fried eggs,” Siwon smiles, turning the heat off. He takes a sip of his coffee, and then suggests, “Sit down and I’ll give you half.”

“No thanks. I don’t like eggs,” the elder supplies an excuse to leave Siwon’s presence. He shuts the fridge door, a plastic container of white rice in his hand. “I’m leaving now; I’m already late.”

Siwon won’t leave him be. “I’ll make you something else.” The younger sets the pan down on the counter and then proceeds to looks through the cabinets. “Maybe some rice porridge?”

Heechul shakes his head, “No, I don’t want anything. Bye.” He turns on his heel and heads out the door, tense already.

Siwon calls after him, “But you need good nutrition, Hyung.”

Something in Heechul snaps. “I have a whole fucking tub of rice. Leave me alone.”

He slams the door loudly, gets in his car, and drives off before Siwon can say anything in response.

~

The radio broadcast took Siwon off of Heechul’s mind temporarily; he was able to focus on his job and interacting with the various other emcees rather than the fact that he left Siwon in his apartment with no way of locking up other than the keys Heechul carries on himself.

Done with the broadcast and only waiting for one of the emcees to return with lunch, Heechul sits back in the swivel chair, updating his Instagram with a photo of himself in the studio. He’ll probably get a lot of likes for this one, simply because of his irresistible smile.

His phone suddenly displays an incoming call from Ryeowook, who just recently came back from his military service. He swipes across the screen and answers his dongsaeng.

“Hello?”

“Ah, Hyung! You picked up this time!” A cheery voice sounds through the speaker. Ryeowook’s voice often puts a smile on Heechul’s face since it always sounds so excited.

“Sorry, I was running a show. I put my phone away,” Heechul answers, kicking his feet up on the desk in front of him.

“Oh. Well, I just wanted to ask for your help.”

Heechul scoffs, “My help? Are you sure you don’t want to ask Jongwoon or Henry?” He names the two boys who are essentially fighting over Ryeowook’s affection.

“They’re the problem!” Ryeowook sounds distressed, “They both asked me to go on dates with them before I host Sukira. I don’t know what to do! The dates are both at the same time, but in two totally different places, and I don’t know who I should say ‘Yes’ to!”

Heechul shakes his head. This is what he has been reduced to: a therapist for the other members to vent to about their stressful love lives. Ironic, since he is currently experiencing nothing remotely romantic. The last relationship he had was with Hankyung, and that was so many years ago, so he doesn’t have much material to work with when assisting the other members.

Heechul tries his best. “Which one asked you first?”

“Uh...Yesung did. But Henry gave me a bouquet of flowers when he asked me out this morning…” Heechul can sense the conflict in the younger’s words.

“Where do they want to take you?” The elder brushes his fingers through his shoulder-length hair.

“Henry wants to take me to Lotte, somewhere I haven’t gone in years. And Yesung wants to go see this movie that I’ve wanted to watch really badly.” Heechul doesn’t know what Ryeowook has done to attract two very affectionate guys, but whatever it is, he’s definitely stuck with the both of them.

“I dunno, Wook-ah...Maybe go with neither of them?” That’s what Heechul would do. He can’t stand when guys are all over him, just because of his good looks.

“Aw, but I wanted to go on at least one of the dates!” Ryeowook complains and suddenly Heechul can’t take it anymore. He can’t stand how all of the members are being with him, just using him for romantic advice even though he has little to supply.

“Sorry, I don’t know what to tell you.” Ryeowook can handle this on his own; he just has to flip a coin to pick one of his lovers to go out with, or actually try to figure out which one is better for him. Either way, the kid has an easy way out.

As do all of the other members. Leeteuk is constantly fighting with Kangin, but they always make up in the end and it grosses Heechul out how in love they are. If Kyuhyun was here instead of in the military, he would be following Changmin around, a grinning idiot as usual when he is with the TVXQ! member. Heechul doesn’t know what force of magic brought those two together, but they are attached like no other couple could be. Sungmin, Shindong, and Zhoumi have all been successful in the lady department, unlike the other members, and are happily together with their respective wife, girlfriend, and fiancee.

And even Eunhyuk and Donghae have each other. They are the couple that asks Heechul for help the least, simply because they are in the deepest love. It bothers him that Donghae was able to detach himself from Siwon so quickly, for some complicated reason that is entirely unbeknownst to Heechul.

There he goes, thinking about Siwon again. He was supposed to get him out of his mind today and just enjoy his job. Heechul chides himself for letting his thoughts wander to Mr. Nice Guy.

“Okay,” Ryeowook whispers, still on the line, “I think...I can make a choice.”

“Great.” Heechul doesn’t even bother to hear what decision the younger made before he hangs up.  


	3. Let's Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Let’s go  
> [H]e’s so mysterious  
> I’m delirious” ~ Heechul, “Magic”

As he’s driving home in his cerulean convertible, Heechul is trying very hard not to think about who will most likely be waiting for him when he gets there. He holds his hands on the steering wheel tightly, knuckles nearly white with stress. Stress that probably shouldn’t exist, but does.

Siwon will be in Heechul’s little apartment on the third floor, cooking or reading or sleeping. He’ll greet his elder with that characteristically fond smile of his, make him something to eat, and then they’ll play games or attempt to write songs. Following the same, relaxing pattern as of late, since Super Junior is waiting for Kyuhyun to finish his service before their comeback. Heechul could say that he loves the break from promotions and concerts, but he really misses them.

And part of the reason is because he hates spending so much time with Siwon.

After securing his car and trudging up the stairs in the complex, Heechul checks his front door and it isn't locked. He swings the wooden door open; inside, the apartment is dark everywhere except the kitchen. Kicking his shoes off along the way, he walks into the kitchen, expecting to find Siwon cooking something as always, but the stove isn't on and the fridge isn't open.

Siwon is sitting down at the kitchen table, reading a magazine. He is wearing his glasses and appears concentrated on an article.

"Found something interesting in my junk pile?" Heechul mutters as he takes a seat opposite of the younger man.

Siwon looks up briefly, "It's an old interview of us. From 2009, I think."

"That's pretty old."

Siwon nods in response, locks of dark hair bouncing. His mop is neater than this morning, but nothing compared to how gelled it was yesterday.

Heechul doesn't bother shooing Siwon out yet. He's caught up in the memories of that year, the year Hankyung left him in the dark. Heechul knows it was because of issues with the agency, but somehow he feels like it was his fault that Hankyung left. He thought that Hankyung didn’t want him anymore, which left Heechul feeling lost and empty, a combination that kept him cooped up in his apartment for a month, with all the curtains pulled shut, refusing to eat right or attend radio shows.

But that was in the past. In fact, Heechul is less sad about the breakup now and more mad instead. Mad at Hankyung for leaving him at the peak of their relationship.

Siwon sets the magazine down, and then takes his glasses off and folds them. “Thinking about something?”

The elder flicks his eyes up to meet the younger’s, “Something.”

“You gonna tell me?” Siwon leans his elbows on the table, his cheeks in his hands.

Heechul rolls his eyes, “No reason to...What did you do all day, cooped up in my house?”

Siwon shrugs, “Cooked. Exercised a bit. Read. Played with Cherry and Heebum. Beat your high score on that new game.”

“You what?” Heechul is shocked; Siwon isn’t known for being a game-player.

“Yeah,” he leans back in his chair. “You weren’t doing well on that one anyways.”

The elder shoves at the younger’s forearms, playfully, “Get out.” He hopes that the endearing command really will make him leave, so Heechul can get some time to himself.

“No way. I had a great day here.” Siwon grins stupidly, bouncing his eyebrows, "Hey, do you want to go out for some galbi?"

“No. Go home.” Heechul states.

“Oh, come on.” Siwon whines, “We haven’t had any in weeks!” He’s right, as usual. And even though he doesn’t want to be around Siwon, Heechul does suddenly feel like eating galbi…

“Fine,” he concedes, “But only if you pay.”

Standing up, Siwon nods, “Of course! My treat.”

“And also…” Heechul adds, starting to walk into his room, “You need to change clothes. I can’t have you wearing the same outfit twice.” He considers changing his own outfit as well.

~

Siwon drives Heechul in his two-year-old Audi S6. The elder sinks into the leather seats, enjoying the feeling as the younger focuses on the road. This car is so different from Heechul’s; it’s more luxurious and mature, compared to his own candy-colored convertible. If the two cars were people, Heechul’s would be a six-year-old girl while Siwon’s would be a grown, handsome man.

Much like their own personalities. Siwon retains an intensely mature aura; right now, he’s wearing an outfit he left at Heechul’s apartment last week—tight, cream jeans, a dark-grey button-up, and a winter blazer—and has his dark brown hair combed back neatly under an ash-grey beanie. Heechul looks down at his own outfit: black converse, light-blue jeans, a striped shirt, a grey parka, and a floppy, crimson hat, barely even matching the season. His shoulder-length black hair is pulled into a messy ponytail, loose strands hanging over his ears. He feels like a kid next to Siwon,which is stupid because Heechul is older by three years.

He shakes his head, as if to clear out such unnecessary comparisons. He doesn’t even know why it matters that Siwon appears more mature. He’s still not as beautiful as Heechul.

“You alright?” Siwon glances over, “You’re unusually quiet.”

“I’m just thinking…” Heechul mutters.

“You’ve been thinking a lot lately. I didn’t know you had the capacity to think,” the younger gives him a crooked smile.

Heechul shakes his head. “Don’t insult me.”

“I’m only joking with you.” Siwon looks hurt, “Don’t be angry.”

“Well, you’re the one forcing me to go out to eat. I wanted to stay home.” Heechul crosses his arms.

“You didn’t have to say yes, Hyung...And anyways, you seemed happy enough earlier. What happened?”

“I got in your car.” The elder doesn’t want to be here anymore. He pushes back into the seat, wanting to shrink into the smallest corner and disappear. He wants to be anywhere but with Siwon.

Siwon shakes his head, “You’re always so...temperamental…”

“I’m temperamental?” Fury rises up in Heechul’s chest. His face gets hotter and hotter and then...he realizes that he doesn’t have anything else to say. He’s implying that Siwon is the moody one, but he’s not. It is Heechul who is constantly switching from happy to angry.

“We’re here.” Siwon says, and the argument stops. Heechul doesn’t want it to continue, mostly because that might mean that Siwon will leave with the money he’s supposed to pay for dinner with. As well as because a fight will go nowhere.

The restaurant is situated in a small town, far enough away from the big cities so that they’ll be able to eat without the fear of being ambushed by paparazzi. The members have been frequenting small joints ever since 2015 when they went under the radar to have a little break from the craziness of idol life, while Shindong, Sungmin, Eunhyuk, Donghae, Siwon, Ryeowook, and Kyuhyun finished their military service. The only times they ever come out of ‘hiding’ are to see ELF at promotional fan meetings throughout the years to let them know how the members are doing, shoot commercials, and attend photoshoots. Siwon hasn’t filmed a movie or drama ever since he came back, but that was only a few months ago.

Heechul pulls his hat down just in case, because you never know where the paparazzi might be. Heechul has been surprised by one too many creepy photographers hiding in bushes. Siwon doesn’t hide himself, so the elder is really hoping that they aren’t recognized. Most of the time, it’s a sad thought to have a single person not know who you are as an idol, but sometimes, like right now, it’s the most convenient thing in the world. Heechul cannot have the fans see him out with Siwon alone.

The two enter the restaurant and are seated immediately. The place is quite busy, even for a small town restaurant; customers bustle through the aisles, led by the hostess, ready to eat.

A young waitress soon stands at the end of their table, holding a pen and notepad. She gives the two a bright smile and asks, “What would the lovely couple like to order?”

Couple? Heechul almost gags at the thought. First he wakes up on top of Siwon, and now he is mistaken as his lover?

Flustered, Heechul shakes his head, “We’re not a couple.” He lifts his floppy hat a bit. “I’m a guy. We’re both men.”

The waitress blushes deep red, the same color that Heechul is right now. “Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry. Your hair, you see...I just thought...” She holds one of her cheeks in her hand. “I’m awfully sorry.”

Heechul is still miffed, but Siwon waves her worry away. “No problem.” His handsome smile brings a small grin to her face, but a frown to Heechul’s.

“Okay, then,” she says, “What can I get for you two?”

Siwon orders while Heechul leans back in his seat, a pink blush lingering in his cheeks. How could this waitress really think they were a couple? Does Heechul look that much like a girl?

Do the two of them act like they are together?

Definitely not. Heechul can’t stand the sight of this man; in fact, he keeps considering leaving. He’s not that hungry, and he’s sure he has some rice and vegetables at home. Although, he doesn’t have any meat…

Siwon catches Heechul’s peeved expression, “Did it bother you that much?”

“Ugh, yes!” Heechul crosses his arms and sets his elbows on the table. “I hate when people do that.”

Siwon chuckles, a lovely bell-like sound that irritates Heechul even more. How dare he think this is funny.

“It isn’t funny, Siwon.” Heechul grits his teeth. He’s way madder than he should be.

Shrugging, the younger sits back. “I don’t mind it.”

Heechul stands up from his seat and stalks off. The bathroom, that’s where he’ll go. He tugs his hat down to cover his flushed face. He already doesn’t need his fans to know that he is out with Siwon, so he really doesn’t want them to think that the two are on a date, too. He especially doesn’t want that.

In the men’s room, Heechul splashes some cool water on his face to calm the insistent blush. He shakes his head, breathing in and out. Why is he so angry? He’s being so irrational, isn’t he?

After debating, Heechul eventually decides so, wiping his face with a paper towel. He sighs, moving to stand in front of a urinal, still thinking.

Heechul doesn’t like Siwon in a romantic way—he can barely stand the man. Siwon’s caring affection gives the elder an ulcer. Heechul isn’t sure if Siwon has entirely romantic feelings for him, but even if he does, it doesn’t matter. Heechul will never return those feelings, nor give him the same affection. They aren’t a couple, and never will be, and that’s that.

Satisfied with the outcome of his internal monologue, Heechul returns to the table, calmed down and a tiny bit happier. He plans on enjoying this meal with Siwon as his friend, and nothing more.

Yet Siwon has already done something more.


	4. Can't Figure Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Dammit, I can’t even fall asleep  
> I can’t figure out what this feeling is” ~ Heechul, Yesung, “Devil”

When Heechul sits back in his chair, there is a round plate with delicately piled and nicely seasoned meat placed in front of him. The barbecue grill is on and Siwon is cooking thin slices of beef and pork. Hopefully for himself, because the large allotment of meat on Heechul’s plate is already too much.

“Welcome back.” A pleasant grin spreads across Siwon’s face. He does not look up from his cooking, but he does grab a plate of vegetables and hand it to Heechul.

“Thank you.” He takes it from the other’s hand. “For the meat, too,” he adds. Although he is still mad at Siwon for simply existing, Heechul thinks that this is a nice gesture.

Siwon nods. “Go ahead and eat. I had a few pieces; the meat is really good.”

He’s right. Heechul’s first bite is almost as tasty as his hometown’s famous Hoengseong beef. Almost. But his appetite still increases exponentially, and he’s shoveling bites in faster than usual.

He eats some pieces of kimchi with the beef, and it tastes even better. The spices mix with the rich taste of the meat, along with the smoky barbecued flavor, and Heechul couldn’t be more satisfied with a plate of meat. He doesn’t eat galbi too often, so every bite is just as delicious as the previous one.

Heechul finishes the pile of meat Siwon cooked for him in mere minutes. He holds out the plate to the younger, demanding, “Make me more!”

His enthusiasm causes Siwon to laugh in joy. “Of course,” he places a couple more pieces of beef onto the plate with his chopsticks, and adds even more when Heechul indicates to do so. “Is it _that_ good?”

Heechul nods ecstatically. This meal has suddenly put him in an immensely good mood, much better than how he was feeling earlier. He finishes the second plate almost as quickly as the first. Siwon eats his fair share of meat and vegetables, and a few plates later, they are both stuffed.

Heechul stretches his arms, “That was great. Thanks, Siwon-ah.”

“I’m glad you’re satisfied. You haven’t been very happy lately.” Siwon chases a few last bites of meat around on his plate with his chopsticks.

“Oh…” Heechul doesn’t know what to say in response. It’s true that he’s been unhappy, all because of this very man. But at the moment, Heechul cannot find a true reason to be mad at him, especially not with a stomach full of meat the younger just cooked for him. And paid for, too. “Well, I feel much better now...Hey, you know what would make be feel _even_ better? A drink!” He gives his dongsaeng a pleading look. “Can you _please_ buy me some soju?”

Siwon appears wary, “You know I don’t like it when you drink…”

“Please?” Heechul clasps his hands together and begs, “I’ll even let you sleep over tonight!” He doesn’t know exactly why he suggests that, but it is the first bargaining chip that comes to mind.

Siwon sighs, rubbing his neck, “Okay...Only a tiny bit, though.”

“That’s fine with me.” A smile graces Heechul’s face, and it’s completely genuine.

Siwon calls over a waiter and orders a bottle of soju for Heechul and a cup of tea for himself. The drinks arrive shortly, and the elder toasts jokingly with the younger.

Heechul takes a sip of the soju. It’s watery, but the fact that Siwon is allowing him to have it makes the drink taste better.

“Thank you.” Heechul says, watching him take a sip of his tea. He’s been thanking Siwon a lot today. It’s really unusual, which makes Heechul notice that he’s been very ungrateful lately. Siwon’s been doing all of these nice things for him, and Heechul’s being a big jerk.

Wait, hold on. He does _hate_ Siwon, right? Why does it seem like he’s suddenly going back on his word.

The confusion clouds his mind immensely; he finds himself unable to think straight. He blames the alcohol, even though it isn’t enough and he knows that something else is causing it. He tries to make conversation with Siwon instead, to calm his frantic mind.

Heechul asks Siwon what he thinks about their comeback in a few months, as soon as Kyuhyun comes back. He responds that he has been waiting for it for years, and Heechul can do nothing but agree. He agrees when the younger suggests that Shindong shouldn’t diet so heavily, when he says that Leeteuk seems much happier lately, when he criticizes Ryeowook’s makeup overuse. Heechul finds himself with a smile on his face the entire time Siwon is speaking.

By the time Heechul has told his dongsaeng all about Ryeowook’s recent dilemma, it is already ten o’clock and they have been in the restaurant well past their original planned time.

Siwon suggests they leave, and Heechul agrees, yet again. They have just exited the closing restaurant when Heechul spots a quaint cafe on the corner, near where Siwon parked.

“Ooh! Can we buy a dessert from there?” Heechul points to the place.

“Sure.” Siwon breathes a sigh, taking his wallet out.

They enter the cafe just as it’s about to close. The waitresses mill about, cleaning tables and mopping the floor. Customers are scarce, due to the late time. The two stand at the front.

“Would you like something sweet to eat?” the cashier asks with a neat smile on his face.

Heechul nods. He doesn’t like sweets all that much, but he’s suddenly in the mood for some. “Siwon-ah, get me something.”

“Okay…” he orders for Heechul, paying just a few thousand won. It isn’t until the dessert arrives in a plastic cup that looks like crystal that Heechul knows what Siwon ordered.

The elder raises an eyebrow, “You got me patbingsu?”

Siwon laughs like he planned this all along, “If I allow you to boss me around and buy everything for you, then can’t I at least order something I like?”

Heechul chuckles in response, “I guess...But it’s an icy dessert and it’s _freezing_ today.”

Siwon shrugs, “It still tastes good.”

The two of them sit outside under the rafters to eat the fruity patbingsu. A cold breeze blows through them, throwing Heechul’s hat off, but Siwon is there to catch it. He gives it back to the elder and Heechul smiles sheepishly, tugging the hat tightly on his head. Heechul reaches into the dessert with his plastic spoon, lifting up pieces of mango, shaved ice, and azuki beans. His first bite isn’t too sweet, just how he likes it.

Heechul hums, “This is good.”

“You’re welcome,” Siwon nods, taking another bite.

“Thank you,” the elder responds.

There he goes, thanking Siwon again. It’s only polite, right?

The two finish the dessert quickly, but not too quickly so as to avoid a nasty case of brain freeze. At the bottom of the dish, there are a few pieces of white chocolate. Heechul digs them out and eats them; the sweet melts on his tongue with a flavor he can’t live without. This is what Hankyung used to give to Heechul as a daily gift.

The sweet flavor reminds Heechul of the good times with Hankyung. A soft smile spreads across his face.

“What are you thinking about?” Siwon asks, leaning his arm on the table.

The elder man glances up. He can’t let Siwon know that he was just thinking about Hankyung; it will only prompt more questions.

Heechul is about to say something to change the topic when a few flakes of snow fall to the ground nearby. He stares at the snowfall that is growing thicker by the second. “Hey, look. It’s finally snowing.”

Siwon grins, standing up. He tosses the plastic dish in the trash can and grabs onto the elder’s arm to pull him up. Waggling his eyebrows, Siwon says, “Race you to the car!” And then he is off to his Audi.

Heechul is caught off-guard, left alone with his jaw slack. Eventually, giggling, Heechul rushes after him, holding onto his hat and shielding himself from the snowfall.

Any anger he has left falls away like the white snow.

~

The two enter the apartment laughing, lost in conversation. There is a familiar warm feeling blossoming in Heechul’s chest. He isn’t sure what he recognizes it from at the moment, but he does know he’s felt it before.

Butterflies. Heechul attributes the feeling to his full stomach, but he’s lying. It’s the feeling of enjoyment.

So why is he feeling this when he’s with Siwon?

The younger man drops down on the couch, stretching his arms, “This is my bed tonight, yeah?”

Heechul sits next to his dongsaeng, “Yup. You get the sofa.”

Siwon’s eyebrows do a little dance, “I can’t sleep upstairs with you?”

A blush rises up in the elder’s cheeks. “No,” he says, adamantly. “No way am I having you in my bed.”

Siwon shrugs, “It was a joke. I don’t want anything to do with your bed...Anyways, as long as you had a great time, I’m happy.”

Heechul is happy too, but he doesn’t really want the younger to know that. If Siwon knows that Heechul liked being around him for once, then he’ll never leave the elder alone.

But the words are out of his mouth before he thinks twice. “I had the best day…”

Siwon’s eyebrows raise, surprised at Heechul’s words. Then they lower, and he smiles sweetly. “That’s good…” His eyes gain another sparkle, as if they could be any brighter.

Heechul suddenly realizes that they are alone in the near-darkness and he starts feeling awkward. “Are you going to go to sleep now? I’ll leave you be.” He reaches behind himself to grab the pile of blankets.

Siwon pauses him with a hand on his arm. “I’m not tired yet. We could watch a movie if you want.”

The elder tosses the quilts onto the younger, “Nah, I’m tired. Have a good night.” He wants to get up and walk right out of there, but Siwon’s grip on him is steadfast, keeping him seated on the sofa.

“Wait, you have something…” The younger man reaches over with his hand, touching Heechul’s cheek gently.

Heechul flinches, “What are you doing?” Siwon is mere centimeters away from Heechul now, making the elder uncomfortable. He can see the light stubble on Siwon’s face, the wide pupils of his eyes.

“There was a piece of mango on your cheek,” the younger brushes it away with his rough thumb.

What was Heechul expecting? Nothing. He definitely wasn’t expecting anything. So why does he suddenly feel disappointed?

“Oh…” Heechul hopes that it is dark enough that Siwon cannot see the blush forming in his cheeks. He really wants to leave to his bedroom.

But Siwon keeps his hand on Heechul’s cheek, thumb rubbing slowly. He shows little sign of letting go. The elder looks up at his dongsaeng, wondering why he’s acting so affectionate. There is a solemn frown upon Siwon’s face, something Heechul never sees. His eyes are dark with contemplation and his eyebrows are drooped.

“What?” Heechul asks, a whisper. His heart is thumping out of his chest; Siwon is getting way too close—so close that Heechul can smell the cologne he put on yesterday morning before he came over to watch the drama.

Siwon doesn’t answer with words, but with actions. He slides his hand past Heechul’s ear to the back of his head, and nudges it gently forward, bringing their faces closer together. Then he leans in, eyes almost shut and pink lips parted.

“Stop...” Heechul tries to voice that this is making him feel weird, but it comes out as feeble. Instead of an authoritarian command, his words are a teenage girl's squeak.

Siwon doesn’t stop; he pushes forward until their lips meet in a soft kiss. The elder shuts his eyes tightly, not wanting to see the other’s face so up close, wanting to deny that this is happening. Siwon's thin, damp lips are pressed against Heechul's full ones, moving only slightly. The younger’s other hand is rested on the small of Heechul’s back, holding onto it gently, like Heechul could shatter at any moment. Siwon keeps his hands there, at his back, on his cheek, and scoots forward so that his chest is flush against Heechul’s.

Meanwhile, Heechul has lost the ability to pull away from this. He is allowing Siwon to kiss him, and he doesn’t know why. He can’t stop himself from falling into the rhythm, from kissing him back. In fact, he reaches up to grip onto Siwon’s shirt; he can’t help himself.

Neither can he keep himself from becoming breathless. Heechul tries to gulp down air in between the kisses, and he finds it harder to do each time.

So this is what a kiss feels like. Heechul had almost forgotten, his last relationship being nearly eight years ago. He hasn’t been kissed in so long.

Why does it have to be Siwon who does it?

Why him? _Why him?_

Why does it have to be the man who is so nice to him that Heechul feels worthless next to him? The man who does unnecessary things for him, who treats him like a child—who treats him like the most important thing in the world.

Red hot fury builds up in Heechul’s chest, replacing the warm and tingly feelings he was just experiencing. He wants this to end _right now._ He can’t let Siwon know that he might like this; he needs to let him know how much he actually hates it.

And Heechul knows the perfect way.

The piercing sound of a slap resonates throughout the silent living room. Heechul hopes it hurt Siwon as much as it sounded like it did. He holds his hand to his chest, wiping the other one across his wet lips.

Looking away, Siwon grasps his slapped cheek. He doesn’t say anything as Heechul gets up, turns on his heel, and dashes out the apartment door, down the three flights of stairs, and out of the complex with furious tears streaming down his cheeks.


	5. Can't Stop Thinking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Which one should I pick?  
> I can’t stop thinking” ~ Ryeowook, “Magic”

The tears have stopped by the time he is a half-mile away from home. Heechul finds a little park to walk around while he sorts out his feelings. There are trees and bushes haphazardly placed, and a thick layer of snow covers them all, a blanket of pure white.

The snowfall has stopped for now, but Heechul is already freezing cold and covered with the white flakes. He had taken his hat and parka off when they entered the apartment earlier, so now his arms are bare and his nose is frozen.

This is all because of Siwon. Heechul blames him for everything. For confusing him, for kissing him, for letting him run out in this weather without a warmer outfit.

Or...is it Heechul’s fault? Why didn’t he stop Siwon from kissing him? He could have prevented it from even happening.

The memory of Siwon’s damp lips pressed against his own is salient. Heechul couldn’t have stopped himself even if he wanted to; the kiss was a temptation, drawing Heechul farther into the younger man. Siwon’s lips were addictive, slightly chapped and intensely passionate.

Heechul’s mind rushes. It’s not supposed to be Siwon. Not at all. He isn’t supposed to be the one who makes Heechul’s heart flutter, who makes him blush like a teenage girl. His kisses aren’t supposed to make him swoon, make him fall in love. Heechul hates Siwon, just as much as he doesn’t deserve a perfect man like him.

He doesn’t want to admit how right kissing Siwon felt for him, how perfectly their lips meshed together. He doesn’t want to think about the younger man at all.

Yet here he is, doing exactly that.

Why did Siwon kiss him? He must have wanted something from it, maybe expected Heechul to reciprocate his feelings.

His feelings? Of what? Does Siwon _love_ Heechul? Well, he does keep telling the elder that he loves him, but _as a brother._ There cannot be any truly romantic feelings in it all; Siwon simply cares for his hyung and wants him to be happy. Right?

Heechul feels disoriented. He thought he understood Siwon, but now it’s as if he hardly knows him at all.

“Aaagh!” he screams, grabbing handfuls of his hair and tugging on them harshly. Thank the stars it’s nearly midnight and there is no one around to watch him have a meltdown.

Heechul’s phone starts blaring Orange Caramel in his back pocket and it takes until the chorus for him to answer it.

“Hello?” He forgot to check who the call is from, answering so automatically, but he probably should have checked.

“Hi, Hyung.” Siwon, the person he really doesn’t want to talk to. “Uhm...Is everything alright?” His baritone voice resonates through Heechul’s phone and he wishes it didn’t sound like that at all.

“No,” Heechul snaps, “I’m taking back what I said about you spending the night.”

Siwon is silent for a few moments, and then he responds, “Okay, I understand…”

“I’m not coming back until you leave.”

“Well, I don’t want to leave your door unlocked.” The younger’s concern for the stupid apartment is getting on Heechul’s nerves.

“I left my fucking keys in there,” Heechul says bitterly, “Lock up and slip them under the doormat.”

“Okay...I’m...really sorry for what I did, Hyung…” Siwon’s tone of regret gives Heechul a migraine. “I thought you—”

“Just do what I said!” Heechul hangs up immediately, thumping down on a park bench. He switches his phone volume off, so he doesn’t have to know if Siwon calls again. He doesn’t want to hear what Siwon thought, not at all. He doesn’t want to hear the excuses, the truth, whatever it is. Nothing is better than something in this case.

Heechul soon realizes that the seat is frozen over with ice, and he stands up abruptly. His entire backside is wet from the melted ice. He screams in frustration and rushes back to his apartment to take a hot shower.

As expected, Siwon is gone and Heechul’s keys are under the doormat. He picks them up and unlocks his door, shutting it quickly to keep the cold out.

He strips on his way to the bathroom and steps into the shower, turning the hot water on high. This is his second shower today—he’s going to have a high water bill this month—but Heechul doesn’t care. The shower lessens the tenseness in his shoulders and warms up his freezing body.

He lets his thoughts empty of Siwon, hoping he will feel less stressed if he does so. He forget about the kiss, about the phone call, about everything. He forgets how happy he felt when Siwon bought him patbingsu, how sad the younger looked while he caressed Heechul’s cheek, how special he made Heechul feel. He disregards it all.

Once the warm water runs cold, Heechul turns the knob off and suddenly feels much better.

And he knows where to go when he’s feeling good.

~

The neighbors have stopped questioning why an idol like Heechul goes out so late, to such a despicable place as Discordia. Heechul doesn’t care what they think, though; the alcohol there is cheap and delicious, and the club is walking distance from his apartment. He could spends days there just drinking alone and thinking.

Heechul sits at the end of the bar table, far away from the dreaded dance floor, wearing a red snapback and warm, layered winter clothes. He hopes that no one notices him, but there aren’t many people here anyways, since it’s already one in the morning.

He asks the bartender for some soju with a decent amount of alcohol in it. The see-through green bottle is plunked down in front of him almost immediately, and he takes his first sip. The strong liquid gives him that burn he ‘s been yearning for. He downs the whole thing, not leaving a drop.

He sets the bottle down on the bartable and asks for a second one, but this one doesn’t come as quickly as the first, so Heechul waits, drumming his fingers on the tabletop.

He takes his phone out to check his Instagram, and it buzzes lightly in his hand, indicating missed calls. Six—no, seven. All from Siwon. All with voicemail messages.

Heechul sighs and listens to them. He doesn’t know why he bothers.

“ _Hyung. Did you find the keys? I left them where you told me to. Okay, be safe. Bye.”_

_“Ah, hyung? I’m really sorry...I thought...I regret...nevermind. Forget I said anything. Be careful.”_

_“Hyung? I hope you stay warm. You left without your coat; you must have been freezing. Next time I come over, I will cook something to warm you up.”_

“ _Heechul-hyung, I made it home safely. Just wanted to let you know. Why aren’t you answering me? You always answer…”_

_“It's my fault, right? I’m so sorry, again. Please return my calls…”_

_“You’re probably sleeping. I’ll wait until tomorrow. Don’t drink. Be safe, Hyung.”_

_“Heechul?”_

The last message hurts him so much. How dare Siwon say his name in such a worried tone. How dare he not call him ‘Hyung’.

Siwon shouldn’t be able to pull at Heechul’s heartstrings like he is right now.

The bartender finally brings Heechul his second green bottle. He drinks it angrily, letting the alcohol burn his throat, gulp after gulp.

Then he asks for another bottle. And another one. And another.

Heechul has lost count by the time he starts seeing stars.

~

Heechul isn’t entirely sure why he hates Siwon so much. He says it’s because he’s so kind, so caring. But shouldn’t that means he likes the younger more? Shouldn’t he cherish how much Siwon cares for his elder?

No, he also hates him because of what happened in the past, something that has very little to do with Siwon. Something that has more to do with Hankyung.

The Chinese man swept him off his feet from day one. Heechul didn’t even know that he was bisexual until he fell head over heels in love with Hankyung. The young man was extremely kind and talented, and the two felt at home when they were with each other. They roomed together for a while and were able to explore their friendship, as well as their bodies.

Hankyung was the best lover Heechul had ever had; no girl could compare to how caring he was for Heechul, nor how tolerable he was of his constant crankiness. A bit like a certain _someone_.

Heechul is so frustrated with how much Siwon reminds him of Hankyung, especially because he didn’t realize it before. He knew Siwon even when he dated Hankyung, and he didn’t notice how similar they were. Of course, they have immense differences, but what attracted Heechul to Hankyung was the same qualities that Siwon has now.

Heechul can’t stand any of this. That’s why he’s been drinking so much lately.

And he doesn’t want to think of where that’s going to land him someday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy holidays, everyone!! <3


	6. Always Struggling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “I don’t know why but you’re a bit hard for me,  
> I’m always struggling” ~ Kyuhyun, “Devil”

A pounding headache rouses Heechul from his sleep and he isn’t sure what is causing it until he remembers last night.

“Oh, thank God…” A voice whispers, and Heechul knows exactly who it is.

He opens his eyes slowly and sees his bedroom ceiling, covered in old posters of himself. Nothing looks out of place, except the person who is sitting at his bedside.

Siwon smiles down at him, eyebrows knitted with worry, “How do you feel?” The bartender must’ve thought wisely and called the most recent person on his contact list to pick Heechul up instead of 1-1-9, which might have caused a frenzy in the idol world. Heechul is grateful, but he wishes it wasn’t Siwon who was at the top.

Heechul sits up abruptly to yell at the younger to get out of his room, but he instantly regrets it and moans in pain. His stomach rises into his throat faster than he can register and before he knows it he has thrown up all over Siwon’s crisp, white T-shirt.

He wipes his mouth on the back of his own hand. “Sorry…” He feels terrible, and only slightly because he has soiled the younger’s shirt.

“It’s okay.” Siwon doesn’t seem bothered at all. He takes a few tissues and wipes off as much of the barf as he can, tossing them into a waste basket. He hands it to Heechul. “Just in case you have to throw up again. I’m going to go wash my shirt.”

He leaves the room and Heechul is mad again. Siwon is acting like nothing happened; he’s just here to take care of poor, hungover Heechul. It’s not like he did anything wrong last night by stealing Heechul’s lips, or anything. Nope, not at all.

Heechul is seething with rage on the inside. And, yet again, he probably shouldn’t be.

Siwon returns shirtless. His tan chest gleams in the morning light and his muscles are only accentuated further. Heechul looks away; there is nothing he could possibly want from this insufferable man.

“Do you have an extra shirt?” he asks, perusing through Heechul’s drawers, “One big enough for me?”

“Probably not,” the elder comments, “You’re massive.”

Siwon chuckles, looking over at him, “Are you complimenting my muscles or calling me fat?” He finds a loose purple shirt of Heechul’s that might just fit him, and puts it on.

“Yes.” Heechul states vaguely, intending to annoy. He feels the urge to vomit, and doubles over, hurling into the trashcan. Siwon reaches over and rubs the small of his back gently. Heechul shoves his hand away; he doesn't need his caring touch. He doesn't want it. He can't stand it.

“Don’t. I’m fine.” Heechul said, and then throws up again, an orange liquid that reeks of kimchi.

“No, you’re not.” Siwon gives him a sympathetic expression, all puppy-dog eyes and his thick eyebrows bunched in the middle.

“Yes I am!” Heechul growls, “Just get me a cup of fucking water!”

Siwon blinks once, silent. Then he gets up. “Okay.”

While he’s gone, Heechul empties the rest of the contents of his stomach into the trashcan, acidic liquid burning his throat each time it rises up. His forehead is sweaty and the throbbing in his head does not cease. He places the basket on the floor, and then reaches over to grab a tissue from the box on his dresser, wiping his mouth with it.  

Siwon comes back with a glass of tap water, which Heechul gulps down immediately. It only slightly soothes the burning feeling in his throat.

“Need anything else?” Siwon asks, hovering over the elder.

“No. Don’t you have something better to do?” Heechul snaps, bitterly.

The younger man rubs the back of his neck looking at the ceiling, “I do have a photoshoot, but…” He drops his arm and clears his throat. “...nothing matters more to me right now than taking care of you, Hyung.”

If Heechul had anything left in his stomach, he would have thrown it up.

A frown is pasted to the elder’s face. “Out. Now.”

“But, Hyung, you need—”

“Go away! I want to be alone.” Heechul lies down and turns away from Siwon to face the wall. He doesn’t want to see him anymore, as if he ever did.

“Hyung.” Siwon states firmly. “I’m not leaving with you like this.” He grips onto Heechul’s shoulder and turns him to face the younger. “You could have killed yourself last night with all of that alcohol; what were you _thinking_?” Heechul stares up into his eyes, where the sparkles have faded and all that shows is worry.

“What was _I_ thinking?” the elder grits his teeth, leaning back on his elbows, “What were _you_ thinking when you kissed me last night?!” Heechul thought he didn’t want to know the reason, but he finds himself asking the burning question without thinking.

Siwon looks away, “I was...caught up in the moment...Sorry.”

“That’s not a good enough reason!” Heechul yells, “What moment? There was no _romance_ between us, so what made you think that you could kiss me like that?!”

Siwon is silent. He looks like he has something to say, but he doesn’t know how to say it.

“Get out of here.” Heechul states, “I don’t want to see you.” He lies back down, facing away from the younger. He waits for Siwon to say something in retort, but he doesn’t. Eventually, Heechul hears footsteps and the sound of his front door slamming shut.

Good riddance.

Heechul wants to get away from all of this conflict, and the only way he can think of right now is his Instagram. There, his Petals love him and they care for him, just not in the same way that Prince Charming does. His Petals don’t rub his back so softly that he feels like breaking, nor do they stay calm when he throws up on their shirt. No, only Siwon does that.

And it makes Heechul feel so shitty.

He gets up from his bed and sits at his desk, opening his laptop. His Instagram is already open, ready to post a photo.

Cherry comes slinking around Heechul’s chair, silently. Heechul picks the cat up and snaps a quick picture of the two of them with his laptop’s camera. Then he posts it, placing Cherry back on the floor. He hopes that he doesn’t look like how he feels. He feels terrible, and he does need some help. Just not from Siwon.

~

“Hello?” A sleepy Leeteuk answers.

“It’s me, Heechul.” the singer sighs, “Jungsu-hyung, I need some—”

“Hold on, hold on.” Leeteuk’s voice becomes softer as he hold the phone away from his mouth. “Youngie, quit it. I’m not in the mood.”

Heechul cringes; he has called at the most inopportune time. “I’ll call back later.”

“No, no, no. It’s okay, really,” Leeteuk insists. “It’s just that Youngwoon is a bit horny in the mornings.”

“Hyung! I did not need to know that!” Heechul yells into his phone. He hears laughter on the other end.

“Yeah you did!” Kangin speaks up, voice gruff with annoyance, “Now can you leave us be so we can fu—”

“Youngie!” Leeteuk cries, “Sorry, Heenim, but it doesn’t look like he’s going to let me talk to you right now. Can you call back a bit later?”

Heechul sighs, “Whatever.” He doesn’t know how Leeteuk was going to be any help anyways. He doesn’t understand the extent of Heechul’s dilemma, how badly it’s eating at him.

He could try calling someone else, but it would most likely end in the same. All of the members are preoccupied with their lovers and haven’t been spending much time as a group ever since Ryeowook left for military duties. Heechul misses them all and thinks that it’s dumb for the group to not get together often, but he respects their need for alone time with their partners, if only slightly. So he isn’t going to call the other members.

Well, except for one of them.

Heechul has pressed his number before he even considers what to talk about.

“Heechul-hyung?” A soft tenor sounds through his phone. “You haven’t called me in a week. Is something wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong, Donghae. I’ve just been a bit busy lately.” Because of Siwon.

“Ah, okay. I was going to stop by your flat yesterday, but uhm...I saw his car there, and I didn’t want to…” Donghae trails off, and Heechul fills his words in. Donghae saw Siwon’s car parked in the lot and didn’t want to see him. Their friendship has been icy since the breakup. Heechul doesn’t know the details, nor does he feel like asking for them.

“I know, but…” Heechul continues regretfully, “I actually wanted to talk to you about him.”

“Oh…” Donghae goes silent for a moment. “Hold up.” Heechul hears a door shut, as if the younger has hidden himself away to talk about something taboo. Well, Heechul supposes the topic of Siwon is taboo if Eunhyuk is around.

“Okay, go ahead. I just wanted to get out of the bedroom. If Hyukkie wakes up and hears Siwon’s name said in my voice…” he trails off.

Heechul understands, “I need some help. I need to get him off my back.”

“Oh. Really? I thought you liked spending time with him.”

“I used to, but he’s become really clingy lately.” Heechul is about to tell Donghae about the kiss but he reconsiders. “I just need a break from him.”

“Oh, Hyung. I don’t know what to tell you.” Donghae says, “Siwon was always clinging to me when we were together, but I didn’t mind it. You should probably just get used to it.”

“Get used to it?” Heechul echoes.

“Yeah. Skinship is kinda his thing. He’s been like this ever since we debuted; I don’t think that will change...”

“But I can’t stand it!” Heechul shouts, “Forget it, Hae. I’ll ask someone else for advice.”

“Suit yourself.” Donghae hangs up abruptly. Heechul dials Leeteuk’s number again, but it goes to voicemail. He tries Yesung’s, but there is no answer.

“Aagh!” Heechul yells and throws his phone across the room. He doesn’t care where it lands, or if it’s still intact. He’s furious that no one can help him.

Furious that no one cares except the one he hates.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I'm a bit late, but Merry Christmas and Happy New Year 2k16 guys! Love you all and thanks for reading!


	7. It Has Just Begun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Hey it has just begun  
> The show is magic and it so amazing” ~Heechul, everyone, “Magic”

Siwon hasn’t visited in five days; hopefully this means he’s respecting Heechul’s space now. The elder takes advantage of this, some days not even bothering to get out of bed. There is no one for him to go see anyways. Hardly anyone calls to ask how he is; the members of Super Junior are all busy in one way or another, and his other friends have decided to leave him alone for a while. Heechul is actually glad that there isn’t anyone to bother him, as long as that means Siwon will leave him alone.

Partly due to the constant snow, Heechul stays holed up in his apartment, most of the time tapping a tune on his drums, updating his Instagram, and playing computer games. He only goes outside to eat or buy a few cases of beer and soju for himself. When his phone lights up with Siwon’s name, Heechul ignores it. He doesn’t want to know how worried or sorry the younger is.

One day, Heechul is called to fill in for an emcee; finally, he has an obligation to attend to, a reason to rise from his bed early. Not that he’s been longing for one.

He wakes up at seven in the morning with a smile on his face, an expression that has been scared away by the anger that he experiences when around Siwon. He takes a quick shower, and then slips on a pair of patterned pants, a white shirt, and a red blazer. While brushing his teeth, he plays around with Heebum and Cherry, BTS songs blaring from his laptop loudly in the background.

After putting a decent amount of makeup on, he goes downstairs to find something to eat. He’s been hungry lately, but he won’t attribute it to anything other than his laziness. Maybe tomorrow he’ll make Leeteuk cook something for him. On second thought, he might be busy with Kangin, again.

Heechul sighs when he finds nothing good to eat in his fridge and decides to leave without breakfast. He takes his sunglasses out of his pocket and puts them on, slings his bag on his shoulder, and then opens the door.

What he finds right outside his door is somehow unexpected. Or rather, who he finds.

Siwon is sitting on the doormat with his back facing the elder, black jacket lightly dusted with snow and a full paper bag in his hand. He looks up from his phone when Heechul opens the door inward.

“Heechul-hyung.” Siwon’s eyes crinkle up at the edges, an endearing smile growing on his handsome face.

“What are you doing here?” Heechul mutters.

“Waiting for you to let me in.” Siwon scratches at the back of his neck, “I rang, but you didn’t answer.”

“Oh.” Heechul recalls the music that was playing a few moments ago. “Sorry, I wasn’t paying attention…How long have you been out here?”

“A couple minutes,” the younger shrugs, “Not long.”

“Well, you have pretty bad timing, if you wanted in.” Heechul steps around the other, “I have a show to get to.”

“Ah,” Siwon gets up abruptly, the snow on his shoulders falling, disturbed. “Wait for a second, please. I just need to talk to you.”

Heechul starts down the stairs, waving the other away, “Talking can wait.”

“Hyung, it can’t.” Siwon keeps trying to bring Heechul back, but nothing works. “It’s only for a little while.”

“Nope, sorry.” The elder is already a full flight of stairs down when Siwon’s last call shocks him.

“Hyung, I’m leaving!” Siwon’s voice echoes throughout the entire apartment complex.

Heechul turns around. Siwon is stepping down the stairs to meet him. “I’m leaving to film. In China. That’s what I need to tell you.”

Heechul blinks a few times and then nonchalantly replies, “Okay, go. Have fun.”

The taller places a hand on Heechul’s shoulder, “You’re going to be okay?”

Brushing his hand off, the elder knits his eyebrows, “Don’t be so self-centered. I’ll be fine. It doesn’t make a difference. Bye.” He turns around to leave, but is stopped again.

“But you haven’t been answering my texts and calls. That makes me anxious.”  Siwon looks into his eyes with a searching gaze, “You’re not going to drink yourself into a coma while I’m gone, are you?”

“You asshole.” Heechul punches his arm lightly. “Don’t treat me like a kid. Go film already. Leave me be.”  

“I’m not treating you like a kid.” Siwon says adamantly, “I’m looking out for you.”

“Oh yeah?” Heechul raises an eyebrow, “Well I don’t need it. You can stop now.”

The younger shakes his head, eyes closed and solemn. “You don’t get it, Hyung. I really care for you.”

Siwon’s tone is unsettling to Heechul. “Duh. Me too. Now bye—”

“No.” One word and Heechul freezes. Siwon grasps the elder’s shoulders. “Hyung...” A pause, a breath. A second for Heechul to finally realize what Siwon is saying. “Heechul-hyung…”

 _No, no, no._ Heechul’s heartbeat accelerates to an impossible speed.

“I love you.”

 _No._ That’s _not_ what Heechul wants to hear. Those are the exact words he does _not_ want to hear.

“Stop,” he whispers, as strongly as he can manage.

Ignoring him, Siwon continues, “That’s why I kissed you that night. I know now, okay? I was denying it for the longest time, but I finally figured it out.”

“Siwon, don’t.” Heechul shakes his head, voice growing in volume, “You _can’t_ love me.”

“Of course I can,” Siwon contorts his eyebrows in that stupid way he does. “You’re adorable and weird and—”

“I am not.”

“Hyung, please, just consider it,” Siwon lowers his grip to Heechul’s upper arms, still playful and hopeful. He doesn’t understand what he does to Heechul when he looks at him with those wide, caring eyes. Whenever he touches him so gently.

“No.” Heechul backs up, out of Siwon’s hold. “I’m not...deserving.” He finally voices what bothers him the most about Siwon’s affection for him: his own unworthiness. Heechul may love his appearance, may call his looks a gift, but he truly despises himself. Absolutely loathes his incorrigible personality—the devil living inside of him.

“Oh, Heechul-hyung, no.” The younger reaches for him, but Heechul backs away, right into a wall. Siwon retracts his hands, a concerned expression on his face. “A-are you okay?”

“No, I’m not!” Heechul growls, “I can’t _stand_ your affection. I don’t need it, so stop trying to give it to me!”

“Hyung, I—”

“No!” Heechul has said that word more than enough. He needs something stronger, something that will make Siwon leave him alone for sure.

The words come to his mind at the same time his mouth utters them. “No _wonder_ Donghae stopped loving you. You’re the worst.”

Siwon’s expression of concern falls faster than expected, changing into something indiscernible. Lips pressed in a line, brown eyes dull and unfocused—somewhere in between shocked, offended, and dejected. The elder has never seen him look this way. His comment must have worked, hurting Siwon so much that he cannot speak. He is dead silent. The air is so quiet that Heechul can hear the sound of footsteps on the sidewalk two stories below them.

Heechul has broken something in Siwon, something unfixable.

And he can’t find a reason to care.

The elder pushes away from the wall and starts back down the stairs without a word. He expects to not hear a single footstep, to leave Siwon up there and not have to see him again.

As usual, he’s wrong. Siwon’s loud, heeled footsteps sound behind him, almost in sync with his own. Heechul speeds up, but his dongsaeng catches up with him.

“Leave me alone,” the elder spits out, barely looking at the other.

Face expressionless, Siwon thrusts the bag he was holding earlier into Heechul’s hands. “Here. Take it.”

“What is it?” Heechul scrunches his brow, warily looking at the distended paper bag.

“Something for you.” Siwon says. Heechul nods, looking into the bag idly, expecting the other to leave right away.

But Siwon doesn’t. He reaches forward with his hand, catching Heechul off-guard, and caresses his cheek softly. The elder is frozen to his spot again, eyes wide open and surprised.

 _Why is Siwon still here?_ Heechul thinks, _Doesn’t he hate me now?_

He cannot tell what expression is plastered to Siwon’s face. But the younger suddenly leans over and whispers something in Heechul’s ear. Then he disappears down the stairs, leaving Heechul alone to process his words.

And Heechul breaks. Abruptly, an awful, stifled sound escapes his mouth. The tears start welling up, blurring his vision. He falls back against the wall and slides down, choking on his sobs, covering his mouth with his palm and letting the tears stream down his cheeks. Siwon’s words reverberate in his head, bringing a wave of tears with every echo.

_“You are worthy. Don’t ever think that you aren’t.”_

Heechul just split Siwon’s heart in half, and yet, somehow, the man can find in those shattered pieces the ability to still be the same, charming, caring, kind-hearted dongsaeng he has always been.

Once his hands have stopped shaking, Heechul manages to completely open Siwon’s gift. It is a care kit filled with instant ramen, a cookbook, a first aid kit, a few of their own albums...and a teddy bear.

When Heechul looks at that fluffy reminder of a childhood he once had, he feels more broken than ever.


	8. Cold and Hot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “You’re cold and hot, devil  
> Like a midsummer rain shower” ~everyone, “Devil”

Heechul eventually goes to the filming to fulfill his obligation, but he isn’t entirely happy. His eyes are pink and puffy when he walks in, and the makeup artists do all they can to mask the tear streaks down his sallow cheeks. He doesn’t tell any of the assistants what happened, nor do they ask; the dragon glare he gives them deters them anyways. As they line his eyes, he clutches the paper bag tightly to his chest, a symbol of his confusing relationship with Siwon, and then places it in a far corner of the room where no one will touch it while he works on stage.

The assistants avoid him backstage, being bothered by his biting cold remarks, but Heechul manages to act charmingly enough on stage, awaiting the idol guests with an impenetrable mask of professionalism. 

Inside, he doesn’t know what he is feeling.

~

Early the next morning, Heechul wakes up abruptly from a nightmare, heart thumping hard in his chest and sweat dripping down his temples. He runs a trembling hand through his wet, matted hair, trying to catch his breath, clutching tightly to his quilts with his other hand. The content of the nightmare doesn’t come back to him, not even in the slightest. He hasn’t had a nightmare in a long time; of course, he blames Siwon for its occurrence. 

Why do all of Heechul’s problems seem to be caused by this member? 

The sun has barely risen; orange light seeps through his sheer curtains and it bothers Heechul’s tired eyes. He turns on his side, facing away from the window. His eyes fall on the fluffy bear next to him on his bed. Light brown, with a pink heart on its belly, something a kid would like.

Siwon knows Heechul all too well.

He grabs the teddy bear and hurls it across the room, not caring where it lands. Bundling up in his covers, Heechul wants to go back to sleep, but his brain won’t let him. So he reaches behind him and grabs his phone from his bedside table, switching it on. No missed calls. Only one missed text, from Yesung.

_ [Hyung, I have a coupon for a nice ramen place near my house. Want to swing by?] _

Heechul is about to text back that he doesn’t feel like moving, that he feels like shit and there’s nothing that can cheer him up—but then he realizes something. His awful mood is definitely being caused by Siwon, that he cannot deny. He’s angry that the younger likes him, and furious with the incorrect claim Siwon made about his worth. 

But what he didn’t realize yet is that Siwon is  _ gone.  _ He’s off to film in China and it didn’t seem like he was going to visit Heechul often, especially since he yelled that awful insult at the younger. Heechul’s going to be without Siwon for a while.

A smile spreads across his lips. One of twisted joy.

_ He’s gone. I don’t have to think about him anymore... _

His fingers tap an affirmative answer to Yesung’s offer. He can enjoy some time with his other friends and not have to deal with Siwon appearing. Why didn’t he think of this sooner?

~

“Heechul-hyung?” A baritone voice questions. It is nine in the morning and Yesung has just opened the door for Heechul. The coal-black-haired young man stands in his own doorway, wearing khaki jeans and a lavender shirt. Heechul has a black hat and an oversized pink coat on, with a simple outfit underneath.

“You didn’t check your messages, did you?” The elder chides, wagging his finger, “We’re going out for ramen!”

Yesung’s face breaks out in a grin, “Perfect! I have the coupons somewhere in here…” He ushers Heechul into the house, out of the cold weather. The elder stays near the closed door while his friend goes to find the slips of paper. 

“I hope the ramen’s good!” Heechul shouts, “I don’t want to have left the comfort of my flat for nothing.”

“You’ve been staying inside a lot?” Yesung questions from his place in the kitchen. “I’d never pin you for the recluse type.”

Heechul pins his recent attachment to his apartment on Siwon, but he brushes the thought away, not wanting to think about the younger. “I’ve been...a bit lazy lately. Relaxing before our big comeback, you know?”

A scoff is heard. “You talk about it as if we are doing it soon, but Kyu still hasn’t returned yet. He’s got probably a few months left.”

“So bitter…”

“Sorry,” The black-haired young man returned from the kitchen with coupons in his hand. “I’m just antsy for a comeback. I haven’t been able to do anything K.R.Y.-related without our K.”

“I know…” Heechul toys with the buttons on his coat idly. “I miss the maknae too.”

Yesung smiles slightly, and then swings an arm around Heechul’s shoulders. “Let’s not make this a tear-fest because we miss Kyu; how about we have a nice meal?”

“I’ve been ready for ramen all morning.” Heechul smirks, “Jongwoon-ah, you better satisfy my cravings.”

“I’ll try to…” Yesung gives him a wary look.

~

Slurping up noodles hungrily, Heechul and Yesung maintain a conversation about current events, Yesung’s being his new drama, and Heechul’s being...whatever he comes up with to replace what he’s been doing with the annoying Prince Charming.

“I’ve been playing the drums a lot.” Heechul mutters, shoving more ramen in his mouth. This one is a truth.

“Oh, Siwon-ah told me that you were.”  _ So much for not thinking about Siwon. _ “Hey, you two have been hanging out pretty often recently. Whenever we talked, he would mention you in basically every sentence.” 

“As usual.” Heechul refers to how attached Siwon has always been to him, and pretends that nothing has changed lately. Nothing at all.

“Well, he’s been talking about you a lot more lately. I’ve noticed it. Something’s different, maybe?” Yesung is obviously too perceptive.

“Nothing. Anyways, tell me something else. About…” Heechul thinks of a topic that will definitely catch Yesung’s attention, taking it away from Siwon. “Wook-ah?”

Instantly, a smile grows on the younger’s face and his eyes stare off into space with a glazed look. “Ryeowookie...Yeah, he and I went on a date a few days ago…”

Heechul remembers the conversation he had with Ryeowook. “Did you two go to a movie?”

The younger nods. “It was an American movie that Wookie wanted to watch really badly. That day was too nice...” He trails off, lost in the memories, and Heechul can only shake his head. “He snuggled up next to me, held my hand. Oh, his hand was so soft and nice and his hair smelled so flowery...I only wish that bastard Henry hadn’t ruined our date.”

Heechul knits his eyebrows, surprised at the younger’s attitude towards one of their Chinese members. “Whoa, what happened?”

Yesung pouts, leaning his cheek in one of his palms and tangling his chopsticks in the noodles, “He showed up and sat in the empty seat next to Wookie, halfway through the movie. He stole both of his hands from me,  _ and _ our snacks. What a rude maknae.”

Heechul snorts, “So it was like the  _ three _ of you were on the date together?”

The younger shakes his head, blushing and biting his lip, “I only wanted to be with my Ryeowook…”

_ Blech. This sappy love story is getting really annoying.  _ Reverting to his neutral therapist mode, Heechul reaches over and pats Yesung’s shoulder. “Well, keep talking to Wook-ah and asking him out on dates. He can’t possibly bring himself to refuse you.”

Yesung shrugs, “I suppose not. In fact, I think I’m going to ask him out right now!”

“Be my guest,” Heechul gestures as the younger pulls out his phone and calls Ryeowook.

A sparkling grin plastered to his face, Yesung converses with his love. “Wookie~...Ah, I’m with Heechul-hyung, eating ramen...Oh, okay.” He turns to his elder. “He’s asking if you’ve heard about Siwon’s departure yet?”

Heechul tries not to groan at the name of the man who makes him feel like trash. “Yeah, I did. Now ask him out already.”

“Okay, okay. Hyung said yes he heard. Now, um, Wookie...will you go out with me? Like, sometime today or tomorrow or…” The innocent smile slowly falls from Yesung’s face. “Ah, I see. Then maybe next week? Sure. Okay. Bye.”

Heechul’s expression softens. Despite his annoyance with the other’s sappiness, the sad expression on Yesung’s face urges him to be concerned. “Did he actually say no?”

Yesung shrugs half-heartedly, “He’s very busy this week, he says. Next week would be better for him.”

Heechul can’t tell if Ryeowook really is occupied, or he’s blowing off Yesung to go out with Henry. “Well, you can always ask him again another time.”

Yesung purses his lips and nods slightly. He picks his chopsticks back up and proceeds to finish his bowl of ramen in silence. Heechul has already finished his, and is now sipping from a cup of water. The lack of conversation is getting awkward and Heechul wants to break the deafening silence, but he can’t think of something that will take the younger’s mind off of his love, so he stays quiet as well.

A few minutes later, Yesung finally speaks, to his elder’s surprise. Heechul is happy that Yesung is able to think about something other than Ryeowook, he just doesn’t like what that something is.

“Siwon told me that he’s leaving for two months straight this time.” Yesung looks up, “This is his first filming since before his service, huh?” Heechul is about to answer in the affirmative, but Yesung continues before he can. “Ah, I wish  _ I  _ was filming a movie all the way in China. But they won’t pick a rookie actor like me.” 

Heechul pats his dongsaeng on the shoulder. “You’ll get there.”

Yesung shrugs, “Maybe. Anyways, Siwon told me that this is a big project with a short time limit, so he’s not going to be contacting us all that much.”

He figured Siwon would do that, being such a focused actor. Perhaps the reason is also because of Heechul…

No, that doesn’t matter.

“He said that, did he?” Heechul takes a distracted sip of water.

“Mhm. He’s not coming back to Korea during the whole time too, I think. That’s a long time without our Siwon.”

This doesn’t bother Heechul at all. In fact, he’s relieved. He won’t see Siwon’s face for two whole months—great. “Hey, Jongwoon-ah? Can we not talk about Siwon?”

“Hm? Why not?” Heechul is about to answer vaguely, but Yesung fills in the blanks again. “Ah, is it because we’re going to miss him so much? Yeah, okay. I won’t talk about him.”

Heechul sighs, “Tell me more about your drama instead. Give me a plot summary.”

“Okay, but it’s a bit complicated.” Yesung smirks, “Think you can still handle it?”

Heechul rolls his eyes. “Don’t patronize me, Jongwoon-ah.”

The younger chuckles in response, a simple sound that reminds Heechul how long it’s been since he’s made such a sound. When was the last time he laughed, genuinely? 

He tries to loosen up a bit when the younger tells him about the mystery drama that he is acting in, when they wait outside for the rain to stop falling because none of them brought an umbrella, when they sit on Yesung’s couch and watch the first aired episode of his drama. It works, a little. A bit of tension leaves Heechul’s shoulders as he relaxes next to Yesung. He feels more at home with this member of his band, and would feel the same way with any of the other members, with the exception of Siwon. 

Siwon makes Heechul feel something awful. Frustration, but contentment. Anger, but happiness. Contradicting feelings that Heechul does not wish to experience at the same time. 

He’s definitely glad that the younger is so far away.


	9. Hold My Breath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “I don’t even wanna blink my eyes  
> I try to hold my breath” ~Kyuhyun, “Magic”

 

The next days pass without a sign of Siwon. He hasn’t called or messaged; the only reason Heechul knows that the younger is even alive is based on his new Instagram posts: a photo of him on the set, a picture of the outside cover of the screenplay, even just a snapshot of the partly cloudy weather he’s experiencing. Heechul doesn’t know why he’s checking out Siwon’s Instagram; he should be keeping the man off of his mind.

So he does other things. He plays a few computer games, but gets tired of them after a little while. Then he tries writing song lyrics. Siwon isn’t on Heechul’s mind when he writes lyrics for his new M&D album, but that doesn’t mean he’s having an easy time doing so. Ideas keeps popping up in his head and he tries to write them down in his glittery notebook, but words become harder and harder to come by. 

He shoves his notebook away after twenty minutes of sitting with his head in his hands, praying for words to come to him, yet to no avail. He tries to play on his drum set instead. The crashing and booming sounds drive any stressful thoughts out of Heechul’s mind. He doesn’t play too long or too vigorously for fear of sweating, but enough to soothe his mind, and more importantly, drive out any lingering thoughts about a certain someone. 

He drinks from the can of beer on his desk periodically. He doesn’t care what time of day it is—beer and soju are always accessible to him. They keep him calm, and the flavors are constantly changing depending on the brands he buys. He’s living the life, although he wakes up with a hangover more often than not since he tends to drink over his tolerance level by nightfall. 

Especially if he’s hanging out in Discordia.

~

“Heechul-ah? You hardly ever call me,” Heechul’s sister, Heejin, answers her phone, sounding pleasantly surprised. He smiles at the familiar sound of her voice, something he hasn’t heard in a while.

“Sorry, Noona, I meant to call more often, but I’ve been…” Busy? Sure, busy being lazy, bored, and lonely. “...a bit busy, with the guys.” 

Heejin utters a sound of annoyance, “Always them, even when you’re not on tour. What about me?”

“Heejin-noona, you’re married. Isn’t your husband enough for you?” Heechul leans back in his swivel chair.

“Ah, he is. I just miss you.”

Heechul grins slightly, “I’ll visit you sometime soon.” His sister would definitely love to go to Lotte with him; he knows how she likes to indulge in childish whims as well. Maybe they would even find a toy store to run around in, just for the hell of it.

“Okay. So, what have you called me for?” his sister asks, bringing Heechul back from his thoughts of what fun things he could do with his sister.

A blush rises up in the elder’s face. “Well, you see...There’s this special event at a club near my apartment, and I can’t get into it without a date.” The event is for the club’s second anniversary, and Heechul needs some reason to leave his house more often.

Heejin snorts, “You want  _ me _ to pretend to be your girlfriend?”

“No, no, no!” Heechul cringes, “I need you to set me up.”

“Seriously? Can’t one of the SuJu members do that for you?”

He sighs, swinging around impatiently, “They’re all too busy for me anymore.”

“How can you be a band if you’re too busy for each other?” His sister asks a question that has been burning in Heechul’s head ever since 2015.

Heechul shrugs even though she can’t see him, “When Kyuhyun comes back, things will get better…”

“I hope so, for your sake...Anyways, I think I have the right girl for you. She’s one of my friends from college, a bit younger than you.” 

“Do I know her?” Heechul wonders.

“No, actually. She and I just recently got into contact again and she’s been complaining about not having a husband yet,” Heejin chuckles. “So I’m pretty sure Mina will be okay with going out on a date with an idol like you.”

“Sure, sure. Just keep it on the down-low.”

“Whatever, Chul-ah.”

~

Truthfully, Heechul doesn’t really want to be on a date. Dating reminds him of Hankyung, the only person he’s ever fallen in love with. Ever since they broke up, any dates Heechul has gone on, girl or guy, have all gone down the toilet. He agreed to stop dating only recently, realizing that the right person will come to him when the time is right.

Disregarding the date part of this night, Heechul truly only wants two things: a change of routine, and the free alcohol the club will be distributing at the event. Going to the event will for sure put an end to the monotony he’s been experiencing lately. But Heechul’s thinking more about the free alcohol. He may be well-off, but if something free is offered to him on a silver platter, he’s gonna take advantage of it.

Heejin told him to meet Mina in front of Discordia before they went in. Since she’s the only one waiting outside, he finds her immediately. And she is strikingly beautiful: softly tanned skin, her long and wavy hair dyed honey blonde, bright eyes with long eyelashes. She is wearing a long-sleeved black turtleneck and a chestnut brown skirt with white leggings underneath that accentuate the curves of her shapely legs. Heechul unknowingly put on a matching outfit: white jeans, a light brown shirt with a dragon pattern on it, and a thick black coat.

He approaches her with a crooked smile on his face, “Are you Mina?”

She nods excitedly, gold jewelry bouncing on her neck. She’s clearly a rich girl; her clothes look expensive from up close, and she’s carrying a Gucci handbag. Mina grins, lips a pretty pink. “I am Mina. And you’re Kim Heechul-oppa. It’s very nice to meet you.” She seems so polite that Heechul expects her to extend her arm out for a handshake, or bend over into a full bow, but she only lowers her head slightly, thick hair bobbing on her shoulders.

Heechul smiles wider, “Nice to meet you too. Now, let’s get in here. I’m craving a poktanju.” He hears her giggle behind him, heels clacking on the pavement. A bouncer allows them in without checking their IDs. Once they enter Discordia, Heechul notices how enticing it looks tonight: multicolored lights bounce off the walls, paper decorations everywhere, and a crowd of people dancing to the beat of the music. The song almost makes him want to dance to it, but he resists for a number of reasons that keep him placed at the back of Super Junior whenever they do a dance number. 

Mina comes up behind him, “Drink first? Or dance?”

He groans; she looks like she really wants to dance, and that is the one thing he hates to do here. “Drink, please. I’m not a great dancer.”

“I’m sure you’re just fine,” she compliments, swiping her blonde bangs to the side. “But sure. I could use a melon daiquiri right about now.”

Heechul sighs in relief, weaving around the bouncing clubgoers, glancing back at Mina to make sure he doesn’t lose her. They get to the bar quickly and Heechul snags his usual seat at the end of the table. 

Mina sits herself next to him, perching delicately on the edge of the shining black stool, “You wanted a soju bomb?”

Heechul grins, “And anything else. I don’t discriminate. Well, I don’t like super sweet drinks, but that’s about all the complaints I have.”

She laughs, playing idly with her necklace, “So, tell me about yourself, Oppa. Something I wouldn’t know from watching interviews or listening to your music.”

“Hold on a moment,” Heechul waves the bartender over, “Can you get my date here a melon daiquiri, and me a poktanju?”

“Certainly,” he nods, moving away to prepare the drinks. 

Heechul turns back to Mina, “So, you wanted to know about me?”

“On second thought, I  _ really  _ want to dance,” she says, long eyelashes fluttering. “One song, I  _ promise _ .” She’s changed her mind so fast that Heechul wasn’t ready for it.

_ Crap.  _ He cringes, “I dunno about that…” He  _ doesn’t _ want to dance just as much as she  _ does. _

“Please?” Mina wraps her arm around Heechul’s, entering his little bubble of personal space. “Just one. Please, Oppa. I don’t want to dance alone.” Heechul weighs his options: either he dances and faces the possibility of embarrassing himself, or he doesn’t and has to deal with an unhappy date who is also his sister’s friend. The latter option might end himself up in a world of hurt with Heejin.

The young man grumbles, “Okay, fine. Only one song.”

“Yay!” she squeals with delight. Heechul asks the bartender to save their drinks until after the song is over. The man agrees to save their seats as well, since there are so few people at the bartable anyways.

Mina leads Heechul to the throng of dancing young adults, her slender hand tucked in the crook of his arm. He can’t remember the last time he had a girl hanging from his arm; this is his first date in more than two years.

Heechul wants to stay on the outskirts of the crowd, but Mina drags him into the middle of it. The colored lights bounce around, turning her face green one moment, and pink the next. She stops in one spot, lets him go, and begins to dance. Closing her eyes, she lets her hips move to the beat, arms raised delicately above her head. Heechul just watches for a moment, hoping her closed eyes will prevent her from noticing that he isn’t dancing.

She eventually does, waving her hand to urge him to dance. He doesn’t know what to do, and Mina obviously does, so Heechul feels extremely embarrassed. She notices his dilemma, grasping his hand and placing it on her hip. The beat of the music thumps in his ear and he soon find himself bobbing along with her.

The song ends and Heechul is glad that he hasn’t made a fool of himself. “Okay, song’s over.”

Mina pouts with her cute pink lips, “One more? Please, Oppa.”

Heechul is adamant. “No way. I’m going back to the bartable.”

The girl sticks her tongue out, acting more like a spoiled child than a rich woman. “Suit yourself.” Then she melds into the rest of the crowd and Heechul has lost her.

He huffs a frustrated sigh, making his way back to the bar. There are too many people that he has to shove past and he soon finds himself trapped in the horde of clubbers. The bodies that are pushing up against him are warm and sweaty. Heechul feels suffocated.

Someone grabs Heechul’s ass and he yelps, turning to face the offender, who has disappeared. When he starts back towards the bar, he is nearly thrown into another man, who doesn’t seem to mind. He grabs Heechul’s hips and starts grinding into him.

Heechul entangles himself from the man’s grasp, looking up into his eyes, “I’m a guy, dammit! Hands off!” 

The man flushes, “Gross. Sorry, I thought you were a chick.”

“Everyone does,” Heechul mutters bitterly, finally making it off the dance floor.

Angrily, he sits down at the bar, asking the bartender for his drink again. A minute later, a shot glass of soju is toppled into a glass of beer and Heechul seizes it, gulping it down heavily. He relishes the burn as it goes down his throat, the burn he feels every day from the hundreds of bottles of soju and cans of beer that he’s been consuming lately. He should probably lay off the alcohol for his health, but he can’t seem to find the motivation to do so. There’s no one here to stop him.

Heechul asks the bartender for another drink, the same type. He finishes that one off too, and his head starts to spin. He pauses on the third one, letting his brain adjust.

Mina eventually comes back from the dance floor, looking sweaty and ravished, contrasting her neat appearance at the beginning of the night. Her blonde hair is sticking to her forehead and her turtleneck is stretched wide open, like someone pulled on it. “Can I have my daiquiri now?”

The bartender brings it to her while Heechul looks at her with glazed eyes. “Are you done dancing yet?”

“No way.” She takes an eager sip of her pale green drink. “I’m only getting started.”

Heechul snorts, “Fine. Have fun on your own.”

“Why are you being so rude? It’s just dancing.” Mina crosses her thin arms.

“Well, that’s the one thing I don’t like.”

“This is a  _ club.  _ Dancing is a pretty big part of it,” she frowns.

“No thanks.” Heechul orders another drink, “I only came here for the free booze.” 

Mina lifts her nose indignantly, “Well. You may drink alone, then.” She takes her glass with her and moves to another area of the club, leaving Heechul to himself and his bottle of soju.

He grumbles, taking the bottle of soju with him as he exits Discordia.

~

In his own room, with the curtains drawn and music blaring, Heechul drinks from a bottle of soju. He’s on his fifth one, way past his tolerance point.

Placing the empty bottle down, he leans back in his chair weakly, his legs kicked up on his computer desk. Heebum jumps onto his thighs, curling up and resting. Heechul strokes his fur, hiccuping. He closes his eyes tightly, pushing away the thumping in his head. His cheeks feel pleasantly warm and his mind swims in an alcohol-induced state. 

The first thing his mind wanders to is the very man he’s been avoiding thinking about: Siwon. And no matter how hard he tries, Heechul can do nothing to stop it from wandering. The outcome of tonight reminds him too vividly of a time right before Siwon enlisted.

~

_ Heechul entered his apartment with a sluggish gait, tugging on his bleached hair. He thumped down on his couch and closed his eyes tightly, shutting out the world for a while. He didn’t want to think about the date that had just gone horribly wrong, nor the pain in his cheek from the hard slap his date had given him. _

_ An unwanted intrusion, the real world seeped in when Heechul’s phone rang. _

_ “Who is it?” he answered brashly, clutching tightly to his cell phone. _

_ “Ah, Hyung. It’s Siwon. You didn’t check to see who is calling you?”  _

_ Heechul sighed at the familiar sound of his dongsaeng, who he had been spending a lot of time with before he enlisted. “Oh, Siwon-ah. Sorry, I was...preoccupied…” _

_ “You sound hesitant. Something wrong?” Siwon sounded concerned, as usual. Heechul didn’t mind if it meant he had someone to vent to. _

_ “Yeah. That noona rejected me flat out.” Heechul muttered, “I feel like crap and I just want to sleep.” _

_ “Oh, Hyung. Do you want me to come over? I could ask Hae to come with me, if you need more support.” _

_ Heechul smiled, something he hadn’t done all day. “I don’t want to inconvenience Donghae. You can come alone. And bring me some white chocolate. I crave it when I’m sad.” _

_ “Of course.” They hung up and Heechul leaned his head back with a small, content grin on his face. _

_ Siwon arrived momentarily, since he lived reasonably close to Heechul’s apartment. The elder could hear the beep of Siwon arming his car and the echoing steps of his heeled Oxfords in the stairwell. _

_ “Hey,” Heechul opened the door with a crooked grin on his lips. _

_ “Hi,” Siwon handed him a small bar of white chocolate. “As requested.” _

_ “Thank you,” the elder clutched the candy to his chest, letting his dongsaeng in. The two of them sat down on the couch, a few centimeters in between, and then Heechul began to complain. In between bites of creamy white chocolate, he retold his story of a date gone sour, and Siwon listened attentively to every second of it. _

_ “I can’t believe she did that to me! I didn’t even do anything wrong…” Heechul crossed his arms and pursed his lips. _

_ “It’s okay, Hyung.” Siwon wrapped an arm around Heechul, who didn’t mind it one bit. “She wasn’t the right girl.” _

_ “Damn right she wasn’t.” Heechul licked his messy fingers, “But seriously...I feel so pathetic. All the girls hate me. ”  _

_ “I don’t hate you,” Siwon grinned stupidly. _

_ Heechul slapped his shoulder playfully, “You’re a guy, dummy. You don’t count, and neither do the other members. You guys are special. Super Junior is special, and very important to me.” Heechul considered for a moment. “I think...I’m going to stop dating for a while. Let the right girl or guy come to me, instead of me looking for them.” _

_ “Good idea.” Siwon glanced at Heechul with his dark eyes, “But...guy? Are you sure you want another Hankyung?” _

_ Heechul’s heart skipped a beat at that name. No amount of years could change what it did to him. “No, I don’t want another man like him. Not many are, anyways, so I’ll be fine.” _

_ “Okay…” The younger brought Heechul closer to his chest and Heechul snuggled up in his arms and, mere moments later, fell asleep with the empty chocolate wrapper hanging from his fingers.  _

~

Although Heechul is nearly passed out with drunkenness, some small speck of his mind is conscious and racing with thoughts about the other man. 

Before Siwon enlisted, any time they spent together was fun, comfortable, and meaningful. Heechul bore no hate for the other, and Siwon didn’t seem to like him any more than he liked the other members, especially Donghae whom he was dating for nearly a year at the time.  

They were just close friends who enjoyed each other’s company, members of an idol group that had been together for more than ten years. Heechul knew how to make the younger laugh, and Siwon always knew how to cheer the elder up. 

Why did everything have to change when Siwon finished his military service? And why didn’t Heechul realize just how much he reminded him of Hankyung?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next...is SIWON'S LIMITED POV! So you guys can see a little bit into Wonnie's life away from Heechul. How will it be for him? :)  
> im stuck on siwon's chapter haha and working on a requested fic, so next update may be a while.


	10. Don't Leave Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “I call out to you even in my sleep, I’m still hurting  
> Don’t leave me, don’t leave me” ~ everyone, “Don’t Leave Me”

 

 

Siwon feels fine and dandy when he’s acting; spouting lines he remembers from the screenplay and taking on a whole new identity give him relief. He stands by his co-stars with dignity and charm, a professional actor and idol.

But off the set, he is a wreck. He stows away in his hotel room whenever he has free time, sleeping his confusion away. He knows that if he is allowed a few minutes to think to himself, his thoughts will automatically shift to Heechul, which will make him want to contact him.

Yet he mustn’t. Heechul needs time to himself, Siwon understands that and is willing to give it to him. He needs to sort out his feelings about Siwon, if he has any at all.

Siwon sincerely hopes he does.

He has been in love with Heechul since day one, but never had the courage to admit it to himself even. Only recently did he come to the conclusion of love, rather than brotherly affection.

It happened on the day Siwon thought that Heechul had drunk himself to death, more than a few weeks ago. Picking him up off the floor of Discordia and carting him back to his apartment in a mumbling mess was a heartbreaking moment for Siwon. He held Heechul’s cold hand in his own, trembling with fear, waiting silently. He knows that he should have called an ambulance or taken Heechul to the hospital, but he acted selfishly and kept the elder at his side until he finally woke up a few hours later. Siwon understood then that no one else would make him feel like the world was ending if they weren’t around, that he had fallen in love with the Cinderella.

~

Although Siwon isn’t the happiest camper nowadays, it is nice being back in China after so many years. He sees familiar sights, meets new people, is pampered and treated professionally. He enjoys this job, something he hasn’t done since before his service.

The film is called _Wind in Summer_ , an enticing romantic comedy that easily fits Siwon’s personality. His director is the best in the industry and Siwon is glad to be working with such a prestigious man. His co-stars are exceptional, making him hope that this film becomes a box office success.

Siwon took this job after so many years for two reasons. One is due to who is also starring: Zhoumi, and a unique rookie actress named Meixiang. Siwon hasn’t seen Zhoumi for more than six months, since he finished his military service. In the meanwhile, Zhoumi has been strengthening his acting skills and has become an actor on par of Siwon, and perhaps even better. During the time in which Siwon is not stowed away in his hotel room, Zhoumi takes him out to cafes and pubs, with Meixiang tagging along. Meixiang is Siwon’s love interest in the film, and she is a beautiful and crafty young woman. She likes playing pranks on her fellow cast members, yet can really own her character on camera and is able to become a respectful actress around her elders. Siwon wouldn’t be able to survive here without them; he’d be hidden in his room, wallowing, instead of on set, acting.

The second reason he took this job was because he knew Heechul needed some space, even before his confession. Heechul had seemed really angry as of late, easily triggered into a fit. Siwon didn’t and still doesn’t know the entire reason why, but he assumed it had something to do with himself. So, when the opportunity popped up to leave, he took it.

Before this gig, Siwon rejected all calls to acting, on the false pretenses that he was taking a short break from being in front of the camera. Yet he was really taking his time in settling his feelings about Heechul, and Donghae as well since the breakup left him empty. Heechul was there to comfort him at that time, and that was all that was necessary to soften Siwon’s sharp edges around his previous lover; in fact, if Donghae called him right now, he wouldn’t mind talking to him. They haven’t conversed in a decent number of months, making it seem like Siwon hates Donghae, and Eunhyuk as well, for the breakup, but that isn’t true at all.

Suddenly, Heechul’s harsh words pop up in Siwon’s mind: “ _No_ wonder _Donghae stopped loving you. You’re the worst.”_ Siwon doesn’t understand what he did to make Heechul say this, but he knows it is true. Siwon didn’t deserve Donghae; Eunhyuk is his perfect other half for a reason. But he did deserve the time he had with Donghae; it taught Siwon many lessons about love and life. Especially the lesson that you will never believe that you are good enough for anyone.

Heechul doesn’t believe he is good enough for Siwon, which makes the younger feel sympathy, since he understands. But Siwon wholly disagrees with the elder. Out of everyone Siwon has ever met, Heechul is the most deserving of everything. Fun. Care. Love.

Heechul especially deserves to love. His longest relationship since Hankyung only lasted a month, the others only a few weeks. That man left Heechul broken and unable to accept that there is someone who cares for him more than himself.

And that person is Siwon, who is aiming to teach Heechul how to love again.

~

Siwon rests his eyes, leaning his head back on the seating of the taxi. He is on his way from the hotel to the set, bent on stopping for breakfast since they don’t start until twelve o’clock. He pays the driver and steps out, entering a small cafe called _Puff Pastry._ He stands in line, reading the menu idly. He chooses a few sweet bakery items and orders a caramel macchiato, and then sits down outside with his food. He snaps a picture of the cute breakfast array and posts it to his Instagram.

He wonders if Heechul looks at his posts.

Siwon shakes his head of any thoughts of the elder, not wanting to stress himself out before a long work day. He pulls his script out of his satchel and reads his lines again. He tries to focus on his character, but he finds himself thinking about Heechul again. He sighs and decides to check up on Heechul by looking through his posts.

Heechul’s most recent post is of him drinking soju, with more bottles standing on the table next to him. Siwon feels the blood rush into his cheeks in fury. He thought he told Heechul not to drink while he was away, not to worry Siwon so much. Siwon hates it when Heechul drinks because he knows how easy it is to drink a bit too much, and because drinking makes Heechul’s eyes look sunken, taking away from his natural beauty. Siwon dislikes when anything hampers Heechul’s looks, because they are perfectly appealing. He’s beautiful on the inside too, but Siwon knows that the elder doesn’t think so at all. His brash attitude and short temper are mere cover-up for the shy and self-conscious man inside, but they seem to be all that other people see in Heechul. Siwon is constantly worried for him because Heechul is always getting hurt, by others and himself.

He considers calling his hyung, to check up on him, but the man who settles into the second seat at his little table takes all attention away from his worry.

Hankyung smiles at him through his lashes, short black hair in his characteristic spiky style. He waves at Siwon, even though he’s only a few inches away.

“Hey?”

“Hm?” Siwon blinks. He was staring in disbelief, still lost in his thoughts. He switches his phone off and sets it down, “Oh, hey.”

Hankyung snorts, “That’s all? No, ‘I haven’t seen you in forever?’ No, ‘How are you doing?’”

Siwon chuckles, “I haven’t gotten there yet. How did you find me?”

“This is my favorite pastry shop. Anyone can find me here.” Hankyung smirks, leaning an arm on the table, “What are you doing here?”

“Acting.”

“Figures. You’re only ever here for work.”

“That a problem?” Siwon takes a bite of one of his rolls, savoring the sweetness.

“No. I’m only commenting.” He looks around, taking a sip of the tea he bought before sitting down. “How is everyone else?”

“Fine. I haven’t talked to anyone in about a month. Been super busy.” Siwon finishes the pastry off and starts eating another one.

“I see…” Hankyung trails off. Siwon knows exactly what he’s going to ask next. “What about Chullie? Surely you keep in contact with him?”

Siwon feels annoyed. He can’t understand why Hankyung still asks about Heechul; he left the elder at the peak of their relationship. Even Siwon knows that. Hankyung is the cause of Heechul’s wariness when it comes to matters of love. What more does he think he can do? Heechul may be completely over Hankyung, but Siwon knows that, even after all these years, Hankyung isn’t over Heechul.

“I haven’t...talked to him either.” Siwon mutters.

“Well, I hope he’s alright. Let him know that I asked.”

“Why don’t you call him yourself?” Siwon doesn’t know why he said this.

Hankyung shrugs, “Maybe later. I still have his number somewhere, but I wasn’t sure if I should talk to him. Thanks for the idea.”

“Yeah, okay.” Siwon drinks his macchiato. “Since you’re here, do you want to help me practice my lines?”

“Sure!” Hankyung seems eager: his eyes glint brightly as he reaches for the script in Siwon’s hands.

Siwon smiles, brushing off the bitter aura he’s been giving off. If he wasn’t so bothered by his own feelings for Heechul, Siwon wouldn’t be so standoffish with Hankyung. The two of them have kept in contact over text for a few years now, and they give each other advice.

But, even as the other helps him practice his acting out of friendship, Siwon can never forgive what Hankyung has done to Heechul.

~

Siwon does his best to not think about Heechul while he’s working. Letting thoughts of the other man slip into his mind is too distracting, and his acting surely falters.

But he cannot help it today, and he blames Hankyung.

“Choi Siwon! You missed your cue,” the director scolds, “Run it from the top!”

Siwon curses under his breath. He doesn’t even know _what_ he was thinking about, let alone what his lines were. He goes over the scene in his head, and tries again.

Meixiang gives him an encouraging grin from behind the camera. She isn’t in this scene, and she’s done for the day, probably waiting for Siwon and Zhoumi to finish so they can go get a late dinner.

Siwon empties his mind and completes the scene: a conversational scene with Zhoumi’s character. So simple, yet thoughts of Heechul are troubling enough to distract him from it.

“Great job!” Meixiang gives the two a quick hug, speaking in fluent Mandarin, “I could _totally_ feels the tension between you two!”

Zhoumi chuckles, “It was nothing. Your last scene was nice too. I’m really impressed by how in-character you get!”

“Ah, it’s just acting…” she says modestly, looking to Siwon who has remained silent. “Something wrong?”

Siwon blinks and shakes his head, “Sorry. It’s nothing.”

“Cheer up, Siwon!” Zhoumi wraps his arm around the other, smiling at him with his perfectly straight teeth, “You can’t be this mopey _all the time_! Come on, let’s go eat!”

“Yay!” Meixiang bounces excitedly, her ginger-dyed hair lifting with her every movement.

The three of them have a lovely dinner filled with interesting stories told by Zhoumi and Meixiang. All Siwon contributed to the night was money for the food, and the occasional comment about one of their stories. But he didn’t mind. They didn’t know what was going on in Siwon’s thoughts at every moment of every waking day.

Kim Heechul. Chullie. His Princess Cinderella.

The love of his life.

~

Whomever is calling Siwon’s cell phone right now is lucky that he isn’t presently at work.

His phone buzzes from where it is resting on the bedside table, screen lit up with a name. Siwon rubs his eyes of sleep and picks it up, not bothering to look at the name since it’s probably Zhoumi or Meixiang calling to make sure he wakes up.

“Choi Siwon speaking.”

“Siwon-hyung?” A melodic voice, a beautiful, familiar voice questions. Siwon knows exactly who it is, a certain someone he hasn’t talked to since the break-up.

“Donghae-ssi?” The elder replies, trying not to let the shock be expressed in his voice.

“H-hi,” the younger answers, sounding nervous, “I’m surprised that you answered. Yesung told me that you weren’t planning to contact us during the entire film shooting...Also, you haven’t talked to me in a very long time…”

Siwon only answered his phone immediately because he was tired and didn’t check the caller ID, but he supposes the silence between them has gone on long enough. “Yeah, it’s been a while.”

“H-how’s the film?” Donghae attempts to make small talk. “And your co-stars? I heard from Henry that Zhoumi is acting with you.”

Siwon lies back down on his bed, a hand under his neck. “Everything is great. I couldn’t ask for a better director. The plot of the movie is interesting, and my character fits me very well.” In the way that he is an emotional wreck waiting for his crush to reciprocate his feelings.

“Oh, really?” Donghae asks. “That’s nice.”    

Siwon continues, gesturing with one hand even though the younger cannot see him, “And Zhoumi has gotten really good at acting—you should’ve seen him in the last scene! It was a fight scene and his skills were very impressive. Oh, and as for my on-screen partner Meixiang: she is one incredibly talented rookie.”

“Well, I hope you’re having fun there. I just wanted to...check up on you. You know, since you haven’t contacted any of us for a whole month.” Donghae scolds.

Siwon chuckles, “Sorry for that. I’ve been so busy since schedules are tight. Anyways, enough about me; I’m fine. How about you?”

Donghae goes quiet for a few moments, an obvious sign that something is wrong.

“Hae?” Siwon questions with the younger’s nickname, something he hasn’t uttered in a long time.

“I miss you...Hyung.”

Siwon is taken aback at these words, holding his phone back and looking at it in disbelief. He places it back next to his ear and asks, “What?” Siwon’s brain seems to be malfunctioning and he can’t think of a logical reason why.

“Is there something wrong?” Donghae answers with a question. “Can’t I miss you like a normal best friend?”

 _Oh._ Donghae misses him being in Korea. He doesn’t miss...being _with_ him. Together, as a couple like they used to be. Siwon almost had the impression that Donghae wanted to get back together with him.

Not that Siwon would allow that to happen so easily. The younger broke his heart into billions of pieces. And Heechul is the one who took those pieces and glued them back together, the one who truly deserves to be with Siwon.  

“Ah, right. I miss you too, you know?” Siwon chuckles, lightheartedly, “There’s only a month left of actual shooting. Don’t worry yourself now.”

“Okay, I won’t. Thanks for talking to me, Hyung.”

“No problem. Anything else you wanted to ask me?” Siwon sits up and crosses his legs.

“Hmm…” Donghae hums, thinking, “Oh, yes. Have you heard from Heechul-hyung?”

Siwon’s heart skips a beat at that name. But his eyes darken as he remembers what happened the last time he saw his Hyung. “Chullie? No. He and I...had a sort of argument when I left…”

“Well, he’s been avoiding my calls recently. I’m worried for him. Maybe you can still try to talk to him. I’m sure whatever issue it was, he’s forgotten all about it.”

Siwon laughs bitterly, “He won’t remember that one, I’m sure...Can’t you get Jungsu-hyung or Jongwoon-hyung to talk to him?”

“I suppo—”

“Hae!” A muffled voice calls from Donghae’s end of the phoneline, sounding like Eunhyuk. “We have to go _now_! Hyung has drunk himself into a coma.”

Siwon’s stomach flips. “Donghae? Who has?”

“Sorry, hyung, I have to go now.” Donghae sounds rushed, “I’ll talk to you later.”

“Wait, who is it?!” The elder shouts right as the line goes dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m a BIG SuJu fan, but I’m a BAD fan; I haven’t listened to all of their songs yet, nor do I own any of their albums. "Don't Leave Me" is one of the songs that I’ve only listened to like TWICE in the past year and it makes me cry every time because their voices are so beautiful, AND BECAUSE SIWON COMPOSED IT. I suggest you guys listen to it if you haven’t yet.


	11. When You're Lonely

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “One day, when you’re lonely and crying” ~ Siwon, “Devil”

 

When Heechul opens his eyes to white-on-white, he knows that he isn’t in his apartment.

A thudding in his head distracts him from all thought, pounding throughout his entire body. He doesn’t know where he is, nor how he got here. The last thing he remembers is stumbling downstairs again after his club date and pulling out a few more bottles of soju.

Just a few.

Heechul was in a drunken and angry state and didn’t know what he was doing. He knows that, had he been sober, he _wouldn’t_ have drunk that many bottles. He knows his limits.

Why did he go so far past them this time?

“Hyung!” A sweet voice yips from the side of Heechul’s bed. “You’re awake!”

In spite of the pain that reverberates in his head every time he moves, Heechul turns his head to look at whom the voice belongs to. Donghae stares back at him with watery eyes, dark hair slicked up and a brown coat on.

“Hae? Where am I?” Heechul rasps out.

“A private hospital,” another voice says from the opposite side of the bed, “You were in a coma for six hours, Heenim. What happened?” Heechul turns to look at the other person: Leeteuk. The elder singer has his auburn hair brushed to the side and is wearing a white jacket.

Heechul licks his dry lips, swallowing the lump in his throat. “I...went to a club. I drank too much, I know. I get it. I’m sorry, Hyung.”

Leeteuk looks slightly surprised, as if he expected Heechul to lash out and deny what he did to himself. “Don’t...apologize, Heenim. Just be _careful_. I don’t want to have to worry about you like this.”

“Me neither!” Donghae chimes in, “You haven’t answered my calls, Hyung. I get really worried for you. We’re lucky that Jongwoon-hyung was going to your apartment early this morning. And you left your front door open!”

“I was drunk…” Heechul trails off.

“You’re very lucky indeed,” Leeteuk mutters. “Hae, we should let the others know that Heenim is okay.”

Donghae nods and walks out of the room, already dialing a number on his cell phone. Heechul wipes his eyes and leans his head back. Leeteuk doesn’t give him a chance to enjoy the silence.

“Heechul, we’re alone now. If you won’t tell the others, can you tell me what’s wrong? You have never done this before. I’m concerned. We all are.” The elder places his hand in Heechul’s.

The younger grasps onto it, whispering, “I don’t know what’s wrong with me…” He doesn’t know if he should let Leeteuk know about what happened with Siwon, but the truth spills out anyway. “Jungsu-hyung...Siwon is in love with me. He told me right before he left, and I got so mad. I didn’t know what to do. I still don’t.”

Leeteuk rubs Heechul’s hand, not seeming surprised at all. “I understand. When Youngwoon told me how much he loved me, I couldn’t believe him for the longest time. I pushed him away, and hurt him. But I soon realized that I loved him too.”

Heechul purses his lips, running a hand through his matted black hair. “But it’s not the same between me and Siwon. I’m not...in love with him.”

“You’re sure?”  Leeteuk doesn’t sound convinced.

Heechul considers it for a second, but his thoughts are interrupted by three men entering the room.

“Ah, Hyung!” Kangin sighs, “You’re all right.”

“Thank goodness!” Eunhyuk wraps his arms gently around Heechul’s shoulders, giving him a hug. Heechul doesn’t let go of Leeteuk’s hand, a symbol of their unfinished conversation.

Donghae grasps his boyfriend’s hand and pulls him slowly away from the elder. “Don’t suffocate him, Hyukkie.” Eunhyuk nods in response.

Kangin stands behind Leeteuk and hugs him, nuzzling his face in his light brown hair. Leeteuk smiles, taking his hand out of Heechul’s and holding onto his boyfriend’s arms.

Someone’s phone buzzes loudly, interrupting the peaceful silence. Donghae reaches into his back pocket, taking a look at the screen. His eyes widen in surprise.

“Who is it?” Heechul asks, “Jongwoon-ah? Ryeowook-ah?”

Donghae bites his lip, “No. It’s Siwon.”

Heechul’s stomach drops. Siwon hasn’t contacted any of them, at least not to his knowledge. Why is he calling Donghae now? And since when were they talking again?

Donghae answers with a tap of his fingers, “Siwon-hyung? Sorry for hanging up earlier so suddenly...Yeah, it’s Heechul-hyung...No, he’s fine now. It was a big scare for all of us...Oh, okay. Uhm…Hold on.” Donghae holds out his phone to Heechul, who stares at it, not knowing what to do.

“Siwon-hyung wants to talk to you.” Donghae shakes his phone, “Come on, take it.”

Heechul reaches out hesitantly. He doesn’t know whether or not he really wants to talk to Siwon. After all, he said he would be out of contact for two whole months. What happened to that?

“H-hello?” Heechul stutters into the phone.

“You answered. I’m relieved.” Siwon’s voice is familiar and soothing, a sound Heechul has been waiting to hear for so long. Although he won’t entirely admit it.

“Yeah. I’m okay now,” he responds nervously, not noticing the other members listening intently.

“What were you thinking?” Siwon sounds concerned, a tone Heechul can never forget. A tone that he still hates so much. “I got so worried when Donghae told me someone was in a coma, and I knew it was going to be you...I was only _hoping_ it wasn’t you.”

“Uhm...Yes, it was me.”

“You shouldn’t have drunk so much. I told you to let up on the alcohol.” Siwon essentially recites the mistakes Heechul has been making over and over throughout the past month.

For some reason he cannot explain, Heechul suddenly feels red hot fury. His cheeks burn up and he grits his teeth, seething his words bitterly, “Well, I’m _sorry_ for worrying you. But why don’t you just stop caring so much about me? That way you can focus on your work more easily.” He catches sight of the confused and troubled looks on the other members’ faces, but he doesn’t care.

“Heechul, what are you saying?” Siwon asks anxiously.

“Only call me Hyung. You know that we aren’t on good terms, so why are you talking to me?” Heechul’s tears are threatening to fall. “Why don’t you just leave me in the dark like you did all month and focus on your acting?”

“Heechul-hyung.”

“No, I’m done. Bye.” Heechul hangs up and almost throws the phone at Donghae, who is looking at him in disbelief. The other men have variations of the same gaze. Leeteuk’s eyebrows pull together in the middle because he understands what is happening slightly more than the others do.

“What?” Heechul barks at the members, still somewhat angry.

Eunhyuk shies away and leaves the room, Donghae hanging on his coattails with his phone in hand. Kangin kisses Leeteuk’s cheek, whispers something in his ear, and departs. The eldest member doesn’t move one bit.

“Heechul-ah.” He takes a deep breath and lets it out. “You need to think about this some more.”

“What’s there to think about?” Heechul replies, seething.

Leeteuk shakes his head, standing up. He rests a hand on Heechul’s shoulder softly. “Please. And get some rest. You may be discharged tomorrow morning.”

Heechul ignores what his elder said. “Hyung, I don’t understand. What am I doing wrong?”

“Not telling us the truth.” Leeteuk says, “And not telling it to yourself either.”

“What—”

“Heechul. You may see the way Siwon-ah looks at you and say you dislike it…” Leeteuk pauses. “...but you don’t see the way _you_ look at him. Yet I do. We all do.”  

Heechul shakes his head, “No, I don’t look at him in a way different from how I look at any of you. Don’t lie to me like this.” How can Leeteuk say these things?

Leeteuk sighs softly. “I’m not lying to you. You’re lying to yourself.” Then he leaves the hospital room.

As soon as the elder is gone, Heechul growls and tugs at his hair. This is outrageous; because of his stupid date, now he has the other members feeling concerned for him, and Leeteuk is chiding him for his treatment of Siwon’s confession.

Heechul doesn’t understand at all. Why is everyone pushing him to be with Siwon? He is definitely _not_ in love with that Prince Charming. That idiot horse.

That handsome, funny, caring man.

His anger suddenly drains away as quickly as it had come. When Heechul thinks of all of the lovable qualities Siwon has, he cannot believe that he has broken the heart of such a man. How Heechul has been treating Siwon lately has been like trash, and he definitely doesn’t deserve it. Siwon doesn’t deserve being around such a terrible person as Heechul.

And Heechul doesn’t deserve being around such a magical person as Siwon.

He has brought trouble for Siwon more times than he can count on his hands and feet. Heechul is always the one who makes Siwon depressed, the one who brings the bad news, the Devil.

Even when Donghae broke up with him, it was Heechul who shattered Siwon’s heart.

~

_This happened sometime last year. Of the three best friends, Eunhyuk finished his service first, and the group had a happy reunion, although without many of the younger members. Heechul enjoyed having his dongsaeng home, but he knew that there was something missing in the younger; Eunhyuk would mope around most of the time he was home, even if he replied that he was happy to be back. Heechul knew that he wasn’t missing something, he was missing someone. Eunhyuk had spent the entire two years away from his counterpart Donghae—to Heechul’s knowledge—and without him he was only half a man._

_Eunhyuk didn’t have to wait too long to be whole again. Donghae arrived a few days later, all smiles and puppy-dog eyes, right into the arms of Eunhyuk. Heechul expected him to be sadder since his Siwon, his boyfriend at the time, hadn’t come home yet. But the younger’s eyes were clouded over with elation when he was by Eunhyuk’s side, and Heechul knew that something had changed while they were all apart._

_Donghae stole away with Eunhyuk the next month, starting their D &E comeback concerts early, and Heechul knew immediately that he was right about something changing. Especially because, while they were gone for their third concert, Siwon came back. _

_The young man went home to his family first, so the members all decided to meet up with him at SM headquarters the next day. Heechul was anxious to see him for two reasons: one, it had been nearly two years since they had seen each other; two, he had the job of telling Siwon the news._

_Donghae had ran away with Eunhyuk as a message telling Siwon that they were breaking up. Both of them were cowards and wouldn’t dare tell Siwon themselves. The other members thought it best if Heechul gave him the news, since Siwon seemed unable to be mad around him._

_Super Junior met up in front of the headquarters, this time missing four members. They were nine again, just like they had been so many times before. Henry and Zhoumi were there too, happy to be a part of something so great. Although they would rather be thirteen, nine was as close as they were going to get for the next few months._

_Everyone greeted Siwon like the family they were. Heechul gave him a big, brotherly hug, and even a playful kiss, something that meant nothing. Everything felt great, until Siwon asked where the two were._

_“My own boyfriend isn’t here to welcome me back?” Siwon commented innocently, not realizing the tense atmosphere._

_The others look around nervously, not knowing how to answer exactly. Leeteuk speaks up, “They started their tour already, for D &E. They were very eager and missed singing too much.” _

_He nudged Heechul, urging him to speak with Siwon about what happened. Heechul sighed, not wanting to have to do this alone. So he blurted out the truth in front of everybody, not knowing the consequences that would become of it._

_“Ah, Siwon. You see, Donghae and Eunhyuk are together now, so you are no longer Hae’s boyfriend. We all wanted to let you know that.” Because of his nerves, Heechul chose the worst possible wording, and he knew it. He saw Siwon’s happy expression fall, and he swayed slightly, like a great weight had fallen upon his shoulders._

_Every single one of them felt the sting of betrayal. The other members backed away, leaving Heechul and Siwon alone._

_“Siwon-ah?” Heechul asked, placing a hand on the other’s tan forearm._

_Siwon looked at him in disbelief. “Is it really true? He’s not...mine, anymore?” The crestfallen look on Siwon’s face broke Heechul’s heart in half. He hated having to do this to his friend, hated being the indirect cause of his misery._

_“Yes.” One word sealed the deal. Siwon grabbed onto Heechul and sobbed quietly in his arms, skipping the other stages of grief due to his suspicion of him losing Donghae to Eunhyuk a long time ago. Heechul didn’t know what to do; he didn’t think such a masculine man like Siwon was capable of crying. He did all he could and comforted the younger into the night._

_They spent hours in Heechul’s apartment, eating, joking, crying, watching dramas, lying in each other’s arms. Now that Siwon was single, he acted even more clingy with Heechul than he did when he was taken. Heechul knew that Siwon wasn’t entirely comfortable in his arms, but it was something. Although Heechul was no Donghae, he was someone who cared._

_Heechul let the younger stay with him for a few days, until the breakup became something of the past. He didn’t mind the other’s company at all, because this was what he didn’t get when Hankyung broke up with him._

_It was eight years ago, but the memories were still salient. Heechul willingly stole away into his room for a long time after his own breakup. No one bothered to come and see him; they hardly called, knowing that a conversation with a depressed, angry Heechul was a bad idea._

_He really did want someone to come find him, to fix him up and send him on his way. Nobody did, not even Siwon. Heechul had to settle things himself. Exactly one month after Hankyung left him, Heechul deleted the Chinese man’s contact information, tidied up his room, took a shower, and went downtown. He was done with being sad, done with his search for attention. He didn’t get any, until he got over Hankyung. Leeteuk and Siwon were the first ones to notice the change that happened in him._

_Siwon is the one who keeps noticing the changes. And Heechul notices the changes that happen in the younger, every day, every minute, every second. He cares for Siwon, and there is nothing he can do about it._

_He’ll just have to accept it._


	12. Falling Into You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS WAS A DOUBLE UPDATE. PLEASE READ CH 11 FIRST :-)  
> “I’m falling into you again  
> Two of us” ~ Eunhyuk, “Magic”

 

By the time his hospital rest is a thing of the past, Heechul starts to realize that there is something missing. He won’t allow himself to admit what it is, but he’s definitely bored of the routine he has fallen back into. Playing drums and games, attempting to write lyrics and often failing, and chasing after Heebum and Cherry are starting to become monotonous. So monotonous in fact that Heechul has been laying off the alcohol; he doesn’t want to end up in the hospital again, worrying all of his bandmates. Soju and beer have started to lose their taste, anyways, and his visits to Discordia have become far less frequent.

Even though he tries to stay sober, some nights have him curled up in front of his fridge with a bottle of soju in one hand and a can of beer in the other.

To distract himself, he tries to go out with the boys more, but hardly anyone wants to hang out with him ever since that day. Leeteuk and Kangin are always either working as emcees, or rolling around in bed together. Donghae and Eunhyuk are away for the last of their D&E comeback concerts. Whenever Heechul calls Yesung, he gets the busy line first because the boy is constantly talking over the phone with Ryeowook. The rest have their own complicated reasons for being unable to spend time with him, whether it’s because they are out of the country, or out of contact.

Heechul tries to spend time with his other friends too, but he’s growing even more distant as he realizes that he would rather stay in his own room than go out. His friends start to notice how different he is acting—Gunhee in particular.

~

“Chullie, what the hell is up with you lately?” Gunhee questions while trimming the tips of Heechul’s shoulder-length hair. The other sits in a comfy chair in front of a square mirror, examining his newly manicured nails.

Heechul wrinkles his nose, “Nothing.”

Gunhee snorts, “Doesn’t sound like nothing.”

“Can you stop being an asshole and just cut my hair?” The idol retorts, his words dripping with attitude.  

The hair stylist yanks back on Heechul’s hair, tilting his face upwards to look at him. Their dark eyes lock and Heechul tries hard not to give everything away with one glance.

“Is it a girl?” Gunhee asks, seriously, “Or a guy, maybe?”

Heechul shakes his head, loosening the other’s fingers from his black hair. “I don’t want to talk about it. It’s a thing of the past.” He is referring to Siwon, but the other doesn't know that.

No one really does, and if they do, they don’t help at all. Leeteuk’s advice doesn’t count because it’s ridiculous. Heechul is alone in this.

~

In the pitch black of his living room at night, Heechul flips through the channels on his television. He eventually lands on a comedy film that he has watched once before, sinking into his couch and staring at the TV set..

Soon he finds himself mildly dissatisfied. The last time he watched this movie, contagious laughs spilled from his lips at every stupid thing the main character did; this time, nothing about it strikes him as particularly funny. It’s as if Heechul’s sense of humor has been sucked right out of him.

Grumbling, he shuts the TV off and lies down on his couch in the darkness, pulling up the hood on his sweater. He doesn’t want to even get up and go to his room to sleep; the motivation is gone and he is exhausted. As he drifts slowly into unconsciousness, a recent memory comes bubbling to the surface.

~

_“Hyung…” Siwon groaned at the sulking Heechul. The elder was upset with the younger since he picked him up from Discordia two hours too early and prevented him from downing another drink._

_Heechul buried his face in his pillow, “Leave me alone. You embarrassed me.”_

_“What did I do? I don’t understand.” Siwon pursed his lips, pulling on the elder’s arm._

_“I told you to pick me up at midnight. Not ten o’clock.”_

_“Oh. Uhm, I’m sorry…” Siwon rubbed his neck sheepishly, “I forgot.”_

_“Yeah you did.” Heechul muttered into his pillow, bitterly. He knew his anger was unjustified, but he needed a reason to be mad with the overly protective Simba. He’d recently grown tired of the younger’s constant presence since Donghae officially broke up with him last week._

_“Hyung, look here.” Siwon said, and Heechul was instantly curious in spite of his frustration._

_“What?” he scoffed, turning his head towards the younger._

_The expression he was met with was one only Siwon would be capable of. Crossed eyes, bushy eyebrows contorted, tongue sticking out. Heechul was suddenly trembling with laughter until his sides hurt. Face screwed up in delight, he rolled around on his bed, laughs pouring from his widely open mouth._

_“Siwon!” he slapped the younger’s chest. “I almost died!” Chuckles still escaped his pink lips._

_Siwon’s shoulders bounced with his own pleasant laughter and Heechul couldn’t keep himself from smiling._

~

Heechul is woken with a start when his phone rings loudly. He reaches into his pocket and pulls it out. His phone glows, an unknown number displaying. The first few digits catch his attention and he thinks he knows exactly who is calling. Someone he should probably apologize to.

He swipes the screen and holds the phone to his ear. “Siwon-ah?” His name escapes his lips before he realizes it.

“Huh? No, it’s Hankyung.”

 _Shit._ Heechul’s heart pounds uncomfortably at the voice of the man he wasn’t expecting, the man whom he claims to have gotten over year ago. As usual, Heechul is lying to himself about this; everything about Hankyung still makes his mind race with fond memories. But Heechul tries to let his own anger at the other cover up what feelings he still retains.

“You...you never call me,” Heechul mutters.

A chuckle sounds on the other end, a familiar, lilting laugh. “Well, of course not. There’s a reason why we broke up, isn’t there?”

“It’s been eight fucking years and I’m well over you. Don’t make me relive the days, Hankyung.” Heechul snaps, using the breakup memories as fuel, “Just tell me what you need to and we can both get on with our lives.”

Hankyung laughs again, “I only wanted to check up on you.”

Like a certain someone Heechul is trying to keep off his mind and not doing a very good job of it.

“I’m fine. Bored as hell, but fine.”

“Bored? Why don’t you come visit me, then?”

“Why would I do that?” Heechul growls. “Stop suggesting silly things.”

“Chullie…” A whine of endearment.

“Don’t call me that.” Heechul snaps. “Ever again. In fact, don’t call me. Period.” He is about to hang up when Hankyung says something that peaks his interest.

“Uhm, I saw Siwon a few days ago.”

Heechul’s curiosity gets the better of him, tearing the angry tone from his voice. “Siwon?” Heechul questions, “Is he doing well?”

“Plenty. His acting has gotten much better since the last time I watched him.” Hankyung sounds reminiscent. Different emotions show through his tone of voice and Heechul has heard them all. But he doesn’t let them entice him anymore.

“I’m sure he has.” Heechul continues the conversation, not sure why he’s still talking with the man who left him in the dust. “What sort of film is he shooting?”

“He hasn’t told you?”

“Ah…” Heechul scratches his temple, “We haven’t talked in a while. I kinda made him mad...nothing important.”

“Okay.” He can almost hear the other shrugging; Hankyung has learned to ignore anything Heechul doesn’t want to talk about. Siwon would never ignore something that might be troubling to Heechul; he would keep pressing the issue until the elder spilled out what was wrong. “I think it might be a romantic comedy.”

“I see.” Heechul nods. Unbidden, images of Siwon with his arm around a beautiful actress suddenly pop up. He shoves them away; why would he care who Siwon is affectionate with? “Did you meet anyone else on set?”

“Hm? No. I bumped into him at a cafe. We ate together and he made me help him practice for his next scene.” 

“That’s nice…” Heechul sighs, “It sounds like he’s having a lot of fun without his band members.”

Hankyung snorts, “You kidding? He seemed miserable. He kept telling me how much he missed you; he’s the one who gave me the idea to call you.”

_ Oh. _ So Hankyung is checking up on him under Siwon’s orders. Great. Siwon manages to be overbearing again  _ in a whole different country _ , and that peeves Heechul.

“I should go. You woke me up in the middle of a nap.”

“Ah, uhm, okay. I’ll let you go,” Hankyung says. “Be safe.”

“I’ll try.” Then he hangs up.

Heechul shoves his phone into his pocket and huddles into the couch cushions, angrily. He pouts, and then when he realizes how stupid he is for being mad, a blush blossoms in his cheeks. He hasn’t talked to Hankyung in so long...and basically all they talked about was Siwon.

Heechul should chide himself for letting this happen, but he feels more relief than anything. Siwon is doing well in China, if a bit lonely. Lonely is good, because that means he’s missing Heechul’s company.

_Hold on. No. He shouldn’t miss me. I don’t miss him._

_Do I?_

The handsome prince makes Heechul feel angry and frustrated, but there is little use in denying the warmth that blooms inside him whenever the younger is around. Heechul has to admit it now: why he’s feeling bored lately, what is missing, is most definitely Choi Siwon.

By the time Heechul’s eyelids become heavy enough to fall, he finds himself whispering the name of sin.


	13. Desire and Despair

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “All day, I’m in desire and despair,  
> Everything is just so amazing” ~ Yesung, “Devil”

 

A warm feeling enshrouds him from the cold of the bedroom. Two arms hold Heechul’s back securely against a thumping chest, a thick quilt covering the both of them. Heechul knows exactly where he is: resting in his dorm with Hankyung, in a vibrant memory dream probably triggered by this night’s phone conversation with the Chinese man.

Heechul hums, comfortable in the arms of his previous lover. He knows that he shouldn’t be so content, since this man left him all those years ago and Heechul no longer bears such fond feelings for him.

But he cannot help it. This feeling is something he’s been missing, something he’s been craving with his entire body. The feeling of being loved, and being in love. It’s like wearing a down coat: soothingly warm and perfect. Heechul hears Hankyung whispering words in his ear, soft, melodic sounds even though he cannot understand what he is saying. Everything in this dream is fuzzy and unclear, yet safe.

Heechul smiles without thinking, in response to the words he can’t discern. He lets himself go with the flow, relaxing in the other’s arms. There’s no harm in it; this has all happened before, and Heechul has a strong feeling that he knows what will happen next. 

Hankyung wraps his arms around him more tightly, and he places light kisses on Heechul’s shoulder. The sensation is familiar, causing Heechul’s heart to pick up the pace. Hankyung’s lips kiss closer to Heechul’s neck, wetting his milky skin in each spot. Heechul shivers when the other sucks and creates a ruddy hickey where his clavicle meets his shoulder.

“Chullie…” Heechul can hear the other say in a voice too deep. He leans his head forward to kiss Heechul’s Adam’s apple, and the hair that tickles the elder’s lips is longer than he used to keep it. Heechul doesn’t think much of the differences; it’s probably just his mind playing tricks on him.

“Hannie…” Heechul whispers when he feels the younger’s hands slide up his shirt. They massage his stomach sensually, and then move to tweak his nipples. “Nnn…” he moans at every touch. “Hankyung…”

“Stop that…” the other whispers in Heechul’s ear, licking it. 

“Huh?” the elder spins around in Hankyung’s grip, hiding his face in his neck and kissing it. “Stop what?” Heechul gives the other a dark love bite, taking a breathful of his scent. The smell that lingers in Heechul’s nose is far too musky to be Hankyung’s.

“Saying Hankyung. That’s not my name.” the younger says, and Heechul looks up, expecting the other man to be joking with him about the correct pronunciation of his own name: Han Geng.

But Heechul is wrong. Hankyung definitely isn’t this man’s name.

It’s Choi Siwon.

“Siwon-ah?” Heechul asks in disbelief. Yet this realization doesn’t seem to hamper his body’s arousal.

“Are you shocked to see me?” the other man rubs circles on Heechul’s back, tugging the elder’s shirt up over his head. Heechul’s body has a mind of its own; he sits up and throws his top across the room, moving to straddle Siwon’s hips.

“Only pleasantly surprised, Wonnie…” he hears himself utter breathily. 

_ What the hell is wrong with me?  _ Heechul thinks as he grinds down on Siwon’s crotch.

“Nnn…” Siwon grunts, resting a hand gently on the other’s right thigh. “Hyung…”

Heechul nods unconsciously, bending down to connect his lips with Siwon’s.

Even though this is a dream, everything feels real to Heechul. He feels the suffocating heat in the air, the roughness of Siwon’s chapped lips, the pricks of Siwon’s stubble against his own palms. He feels the throbbing in his crotch, and his heart fluttering.

And he wants so much more.

This scene has happened before, Heechul knows that, but the man was Hankyung. Siwon’s present actions are so similar to his, yet subtly different. Hankyung would have let his hands wander all over Heechul, not aiming for a particular place, only to touch. But Siwon’s hands stay is certain places: on his cheek, at his waist, under his thigh, on the curve of his ass just slightly sinfully. And every caress shocks Heechul with pulsing electricity.

The look in Siwon’s eyes is also different. Whereas Hankyung would have a flat expression, focusing on the action of touching and making each other feel good, Siwon is staring into Heechul with an impossibly loving gaze. Just his gaze makes Heechul feel like he’s about to melt into a puddle. He has never seen this look from Siwon before, not even when they kissed on that day, so Heechul doesn’t know how his mind is able to conjure such perfection in a simple dream.

Heechul’s thoughts have distracted him from what is going on and, before he can react, Siwon has stripped him of his pajama pants and boxers and is taking his own shirt off. Heechul feels embarrassed at his own nudity, but his body continues to have a mind of its own as it allows Siwon to stretch him open.

Siwon pushes a single finger inside, breaching Heechul’s long-untouched area. He ruts down without realizing, and Siwon gives him a grin that is both incredibly loving and heavily lustful. The elder shudders with delight as his dongsaeng enters a second digit. By the time he has inserted a third, Heechul can’t stop himself from thrusting down on Siwon’s fingers, from using his muscular chest as an anchor for his movements, from loving the way the younger bites his lip in concentration. 

Between rough breaths, the words he spoke when this happened with Hankyung start bubbling out of him and he cannot control anything. “Ahh~...I want...your cock in me... _ right now! _ ”

_ Wait, no I don’t! I do  _ not _ want Siwon’s dick! What is wrong with me? _ Heechul thinks as he positions himself above Siwon’s member, clenching his fists on the younger’s chest and staring into his dark eyes. Siwon looks at him through his lashes, quick breaths escaping his lips. 

“Wonnie!” A moan rips out of Heechul once the younger replaces his fingers with his cock. Searing heat rushes through him, and Heechul begins bouncing on Siwon’s dick without a moment of hesitation. The sensation isn’t like anything he’s ever felt before.

“Chullie!” Siwon groans, grasping Heechul’s waist and thrusting upward, maintaining a mind blowing rhythm.

Heechul feels the blood flushing into his cheeks, and his lips ache to be kissed. Siwon wastes no time in fulfilling Heechul’s silent request; he yanks the elder down and proceeds to kiss him passionately. Heechul moans into Siwon’s mouth, sucking on his tongue and lips. 

“Chullie…” Siwon speaks, breathing hotly into Heechul’s mouth, making the elder shiver violently. “I love you so much…so, so much...”

Heechul blushes deeper, cheeks already hot from the sex, “Wonnie…”

_ No, what am I saying? _

“...I love you too…” Heechul finishes the words he should never say, and the younger smiles in the most blinding way.

Soon, with his thumbs digging into the elder’s hips, Siwon has Heechul cumming hard, riding a wave of ecstasy. 

~

“Siwon!” Heechul yells, waking up on the couch to darkness and an unpleasantly tight feeling in his pajama pants. Reluctantly, he peers down into his underwear to find what he hoped not to. 

“Shit!” he curses, yanking at his black hair. He doesn’t want to have to deal with this boner knowing who the cause of it is, knowing the words that came out of his own mouth, but the throbbing is intense and the stickiness is uncomfortable.

He loosens the drawstring on his pajama pants, and pulls his boxer briefs down, releasing his hard-on. A sigh rushes out of him, and his eyes close shut. He wraps his slender hand around his own cock, tugging slightly. Every yank sends a shiver of pleasure up his spine; he hasn’t done this in a long time, ever since the desire for sex left him. Recently, it seems to have started coming back, in the form of his dreams. 

Heechul cannot help it when this night’s dream becomes the fantasy that drives him. He feels Siwon’s hands at his waist, his lips on Heechul’s, his cock filling him up. He hears Siwon’s soothing, deep voice in his ears, whispering meaningless words. Heechul’s heart pounds in his chest, and his breathing becomes erratic. His hand pumps faster and faster until his mind goes blank and his back is arched high off the couch.

“Ahh~!” he screams, probably loud enough for his neighbor to hear. “...Wo...Wonnie…” Heechul sighs as he comes down, stroking his softening cock slowly. Breathing hard and eyelids fluttering, Heechul reaches onto the coffee table and grabs a tissue to clean himself up. His vision is blurry and his head is light. He can feel a thrumming in his entire body, something he hasn’t felt since Hankyung. He doesn’t know how he went so long without this sensation—it is incredibly addicting.    

Why does Siwon have to be the cause of it all?

Heechul grits his teeth and gets up, aiming to get a drink from his fridge, which is disappointingly empty, yet again. He decides to go to the liquor store to buy some, after taking a scorching-hot shower.

Heechul dresses in a simple outfit with little thought in it other than late-night warmth. He leaves in loose flats, not bothering to put any socks on since the liquor store is only a short walk away, and closes the door to his apartment.

~

Full plastic bags rustling in his hands, Heechul walks back to his apartment complex. The street is mostly dark, only lit by a few lampposts. Cars are sparse, probably due to it being three in the morning. Heechul pulls his phone out to check his Instagram, expecting large activity from his overseas Petals.

As he’s reading through the comments on his latest post, he hears a small snap and the hairs on the back of his neck prick up. There is someone following him.

Heechul looks around slowly, nervously. No one is in sight. 

Shaking his head, he turns back and presses on towards his home. Only half a mile left. Almost there. He’s being silly; there isn’t anyone behind him. He’s hallucinating.

Another crack, this one closer, and Heechul swivels around in fear. “Who’s there?” he calls out, heart thumping in his chest. No one answers. Heechul warily turns back around.

And bumps right into a tall man’s muscular chest.

Heechul gasps when the man grabs his arm tightly, forcing their eyes to lock.

“Do I know you?” he asks, gruffly. The man has a hungry look in his dark eyes, which are sunken into his head like a pig’s. 

Heechul shakes his head vigorously, trying to convince the other that he has nothing to gain. His heart flutters erratically in fear.

“Ah, Discordia. I do know you.” The man’s dark eyes sparkle with recognition. “You danced with me once. Very sexily, I may add.” He’s probably right; Heechul has danced with many of the clubgoers before, but only when he was really drunk.

Heechul knits his eyebrows, but doesn’t respond otherwise. The man reeks of alcohol, and Heechul does not want to be around a drunk man right now. His own vulnerability hits him as he is reminded of his lack of muscle and fighting skills. He tries to pry the man’s grip from his arm, but it is far too tight. 

“Hey,” the man leans forward, placing his mouth next to Heechul’s ear, “maybe you’d like to come home with me?”

Heechul shrugs away from him, pulling away harshly. “No, no. I need to get home. It’s really late.” 

“So soon? Come on…” the man wraps his other arm around Heechul’s waist, making him drop his bags of liquor, “Spend some time with me?”

_ No, no, no! _ Heechul’s heart pounds and adrenaline rushes throughout his body. He places his hands on the man’s chest and pushes hard. “Leave me alone!”

But the man won’t let go. “I’ll make you feel so good…”

Tears well up in Heechul’s eyes as the man drags his light body along with him, into a dark alley where there is no one at all.

_ There’s no one here,  _ Heechul thinks,  _ No one to help me. No one to save me. _

_ Siwon! Where the hell are you now that I need you? _

Heechul batters his fists on the man’s shoulders and chest, kicking with his legs, aiming for where it hurts most. “Leave me! Stop this!”

“Oh, shut up, you slut,” the man leers, groping Heechul’s ass, “You  _ know _ you want this…”

“No, I don’t!” Heechul finally lands his knee in the right place, leaving the harasser doubled over in pain. He picks up his bags of liquor and takes off, running as fast as he can towards his apartment. The man doesn’t follow him for a few minutes, but as soon as Heechul sees him catching up, he turns a corner and attempts to lose the harasser. 

The ground is wet from recent rain, and Heechul almost slips and falls. He has made it to his apartment complex, heart racing and sweat dripping, by the time he has lost the stalker.

After climbing the stairs, Heechul enters his apartment and slams the door closed. Chest heaving, he leans back against his door, dropping the bags to the ground and slipping to the floor. He lets his heart calm down slowly, trying not to think about how he was almost raped.

Heechul reaches over into his bag of liquor, pulling out a can of beer. A drink will help him calm down faster. Hands shaking, he attempts to open the can. His fingers are trembling so badly that he can’t even get a grip on the opener. He tries multiple times, but all attempts end in failure. 

The tears from earlier finally slip down Heechul’s red cheeks. Sobbing lightly, he lets the can fall to the floor and roll away. He leans his head back on the door and closes his eyes, mouth distorted in a weeping grimace. 

Through blurred vision, Heechul notices that one of his shoes are missing. He gives one bitter, spiteful laugh.

_ Where’s my strong Prince Charming now? _


	14. Flying to You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “I’m flying to you  
> Two of us” ~ Leeteuk, “Magic”

Heechul is kept awake all night lying in his bed, thinking and reflecting. Thinking about the night’s encounter, about his dream, about his call with Hankyung. And in everything he considers, Siwon is prominent.

Even in his thoughts on bumping into his stalker. Mind a blank with utter fear in that moment, Heechul could only think of one person to call for help, to get him away from his harasser: Siwon. Thinking back, Heechul wishes he could be angrier about the fact that he didn’t think of Leeteuk or Gunhee, or  _ anyone but Siwon.  _ But he is actually madder about how Siwon wasn’t there to save him.

Heechul lies awake in his bed, holding tightly onto his phone. Every single second, he considers calling Siwon and telling him what happened, but then he rejects the thought, thinking of how early in the morning it is in China as well as how worried Siwon will certainly be. 

On second thought, Heechul suddenly doesn’t mind the idea of Siwon rushing to Korea to make sure the elder is alright, tending to his every whim like he used to.

_ What am I even thinking? _

“Ugh!” Heechul groans, shaking his head. This man is plaguing his thoughts, and he cannot push him out. Sometimes he doesn’t want to; he would rather fantasize about what could happen if Siwon comes back, as well as recall his incredible sex dream. It still sends minute shivers running throughout Heechul’s body. He can never forget the intense look in Siwon’s eyes, no matter how hard he tries, nor can he forget how good he felt with Siwon’s hands around him. Heechul disregards the fact that the dream wasn’t real; it is ingrained in his memory as something that actually happened. Heechul is able to compare the two men based on a simple fantasy, and it doesn’t make sense. For some reason, Heechul  _ knows _ that Siwon is much gentler than Hankyung in bed, and far more caring. This is something he  _ shouldn’t _ know since he’s never had sex with Siwon, but he is nevertheless sure of his belief.

Heechul sighs, hugging his pillow, phone still in hand. He still feels Siwon’s hands on his thighs, his lips on his. He should say that he doesn’t want to be feeling any of this, but then he would be lying. Mere memories of Siwon bring a small smile to Heechul’s lips, an expression of contentment, then a frown when he realizes that the younger is in China, relatively far away. 

China, where Hankyung is. Heechul doesn’t know what forces were in play to make his ex-lover just happen to meet Siwon in a cafe, but he doesn’t like it. Hankyung left when everything was good, broke Heechul in two, so he’s supposed to  _ stay away _ . He’s supposed to stay gone, to keep the memories locked away, not to call him in the middle of the night! Heechul doesn’t want to think about Hankyung at all, but that phone call brings the memories rushing back.

When they were together, Hankyung made Heechul feel incredibly loved and at home. He appreciated the elder even with his many flaws. They were the perfect couple, for so very long.

_ No. I will not think about Hankyung. I am completely over him. _ Heechul stops himself from reminiscing about his ex; he would rather think about someone else.

Siwon. Heechul cannot prevent his mind from going back to thoughts of this man. He remembers how nasty he has been to the younger lately and it makes him cringe in shame. How could he have treated him so horribly, even said he hated him?

He doesn’t hate Siwon, not at all. He’s like a brother to him, right? 

_ Do brothers cuddle late at night, not even watching the television? Do brothers have wet dreams about each other? _

Heechul blushes crimson red. Their relationship...is not that of brothers, not even close. Heechul can feel an intense desire for Siwon, something that days ago would have seemed repulsive. He desires the younger’s careful touch, his sparkling charm, his passionate kisses: all things he used to say that he hated. He misses Siwon’s presence immensely, more than he would miss any of the other members, or any of his friends. Perhaps more than his own family.

Heechul gasps, tightening his hold on his phone. This is it: his epiphany, finally. 

_ I must have...feelings for Siwon. _

~

“Hae?” Heechul whispers into his phone the next morning, “I need help.”

“Hyung?” Donghae sounds worried, “Are you okay? You didn’t overdrink again, did you?”

Heechul shakes his head habitually, “No. I...think I might have feelings for...someone.”

“Hm? Feelings? Did you meet another girl at a club? You know those women are usually looking for a one-night stand.”

“No, no.” Heechul thought that Donghae would be the best person to talk to about Siwon, next to Leeteuk who didn’t answer, but now he can’t seem to get the correct message across. “It’s not someone I met at Discordia. Or anywhere else, for that matter…”

“I’m confused. So where  _ did _ you meet her?” Donghae sounds impatient. “Hurry up and tell me the details.”

“Something wrong on your end?” Heechul can tell when Donghae is stressed.

Donghae stays silent for a moment. “...It’s nothing. At least...I don’t  _ think _ it’s anything.”

“Tell me. I can keep a secret.”

“No, you first, Hyung!” the younger insists. “Let me know about this someone whom you have feelings for.”

Heechul pauses, considering. He  _ should _ tell Donghae that it is  _ Siwon _ whom he might have feelings for. He should.

“It’s…” A deep breath, a heartbeat. “Siwon-ah.”

“Siwon-hyung?” Donghae repeats, with only a hint of curiosity. “I...should’ve known…You always seem so happy around him.”

“I do?” Heechul asks, but he knows that Donghae is right.

“Yeah. And you should be. Siwon-hyung is a great guy, and I’m sure he loves you back.” 

The elder knits his eyebrows, “He told you?”

Donghae falters, “Uhm, not exactly. I kind of figured it out. He and I talked for a while after you hung up on him that day in the hospital. He said that he was really lonely and missing you in particular...And that you were his precious Cinderella he was worrying about.”

Heechul’s heart skips a beat at every mention of Siwon. “Oh...Uhm...I’m still not sure...about how I feel, exactly.”

“Why not? I thought he makes you happy?”

Heechul recalls the hours he spent thinking about this. “He does, but he confuses me. I didn’t think I was ready to love again, and Siwon knew that, yet he swooped me up in his own feelings and made me feel...appreciated _?  _ Cared for? I don’t know,  _ loved?  _ Something different from what you guys make me feel like.” Heechul sighs, “And also something stronger than what Hankyung made me feel.”

“Sounds to me like you  _ are _ in love.” Donghae replies blatantly.

“But how can I be?!” Heechul is almost angry. “I  _ can’t _ love anymore. Hankyung  _ broke _ me. I can barely trust you guys, let alone someone I might be in love with. What if...Siwon breaks me too?”

“What?” Now Donghae sounds incredulous. “Siwon would never do that.”

“But he cou—”

“Hyung. Siwon is  _ not _ Hankyung. Why can’t you accept that?”

Heechul goes silent. Donghae is right. Siwon and Hankyung may be similar in some ways, but not in the way that they treat Heechul. Although they were in love, Hankyung never told Heechul that he was the most important thing in the world to him; Hankyung just wasn’t into any of that sentimental stuff. But Siwon…

Siwon gives Heechul one glance and his feelings are there for him to see: Heechul has more value to Siwon than to anyone else, even himself.

Knowing that makes Heechul feel like the most special thing in the world. And he wouldn’t have it any other way.

“I…” Heechul starts again, “I know. I understand now. Siwon is different.”

“That’s right. Now, why don’t you hang up on me, dial Siwon’s phone number, and tell him how you feel?” Donghae demands.

Heechul’s heart picks up the pace. He wants to talk to Siwon. 

No, he wants to  _ see _ Siwon. Right now, before it is too late.

“Thank you, Hae,” Heechul’s lips spread in his characteristic smirk. “But I have a better idea. Something more... _ me _ .”

~

Heechul’s manager is an expert at ordering last minute plane tickets. One call, and he has a first-class ticket right in his hand. The plane leaves at five in the afternoon from Seoul and he will arrive at about six, Beijing time. 

He’s in the airport right now, and it’s only four o’clock. Another hour of waiting is too long for Heechul; his anxiety is building up as he reconsiders how he will tell Siwon, and he is bouncing idly on the balls of his feet. Heechul is both excited and worried, and he still doesn’t know exactly where he’s headed.

Only one person pops up in his head when he thinks of who to ask. And it’s someone he’d rather not.

Heechul has dialed Hankyung’s number before he realizes that he could have also asked his manager about where Siwon is shooting, or maybe even looked it up on the internet. But he decides to follow through with this call anyways. He’s too nervous to think rationally anyways.

“Hello?” Hankyung finally answers.

“I need the address,” Heechul blurts out, nervously, “of the film studio or set or wherever Siwon is working. I need to see him  _ now. _ ”

“Why? What’s so urgent?” Hankyung questions, sounding bored instead of concerned, “Can’t you call him and ask?”

“No, I-I can’t. He has...a different phone, I think.” Heechul lies, probably. Siwon usually just exchanges the card in his phone since he’s in China quite often.

“No, he doesn’t. I saw him with it last week.” An edge of bitterness has crept into Hankyung’s voice. “Call him instead.”

“Ugh, just tell me the address!”

“Why do you need it so badly? Tell me, or I won’t send it.”

“You’re such an  _ asshole _ …” Heechul growls. He doesn’t want to tell Hankyung that he is rushing to his Prince Charming to tell him that he has fallen for him. “A big reason why I’m glad we broke up.”

Hankyung chuckles, “That’s not why you need the address.” 

Heechul’s cheeks burn red hot. He doesn’t know why Hankyung is being so nasty with him all of a sudden, but he supposes it’s because he has unresolved feelings for Heechul, or something like that.

“Hankyung. Tell me the address.”

“No.”

That’s it. “You bastard,  _ I’m in love with Siwon! _ ” Heechul is on the brink of tears, “Is that what you wanted to hear, huh? It’s taken me  _ this fucking long _ to figure it out and I need to tell him  _ immediately.  _ I’m catching a plane to Beijing and I need to know where he is so i can find him right away and tell him!”

Hankyung is silent, and Heechul sobs softly, the wave of emotion taking him over. He really could have called his manager to find out the address. He should hang up on Hankyung right now.

But no. Heechul  _ wants _ to talk to Hankyung. He wants to let him know that he bears no more feelings for the Chinese man, that he has fallen into the arms of another, worthier man—that, even though Hankyung broke him all those years ago, Heechul has been able to pick himself up and find love again, finally.

Hankyung bears  _ no _ power over him anymore. 

In spite of his proud, inner declaration, Heechul’s tears continue to fall, symbolic of the frustration the Heechul has been put through all these years because of Hankyung, and has put himself through with his stubborn attitude towards his own feelings. “Give me the address...please…” He cannot stop crying. “Hannie, please...I need—”

“Fine.”

Heechul’s phone beeps with a text message. He checks it, just to make sure, and he sees three lines of Chinese characters through his blurry tears.

“Show that to the taxi driver when you arrive,” the other man says reluctantly, “And don’t worry, I don’t plan on showing up at the airport to see you.” 

Heechul didn’t even think of that. But before he can respond, Hankyung has already hung up. Heechul doesn’t know if they will be in contact ever again.

A white tissue enters Heechul’s line of vision as an old woman who is sitting next to him reaches her hand out. He takes the handkerchief and nods his head, “Thank you.”

She smiles warmly, “Can’t have a handsome fellow like you crying.”

Heechul blushes, turning away slowly and pulling his hat down just a tad. He is so happy that she knows that he is a man, instead of assuming he is a woman based on his looks and dress.

It’s four-thirty. Only half an hour left.

Then two more hours and a taxi ride. 

_ Siwon, here I come. _


	15. What I'm About to Say

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “What I’m about to say  
> Might sound strange” ~ Kyuhyun, “Devil”  
> //pic edited together by me!!///

 

Leaning back in his airplane seat, Heechul tries to rest. He hasn’t gotten any decent sleep lately, so a two hour nap would do him some good.

Except he really can’t sleep. His mind is abuzz with thoughts of Siwon; his knee jiggles with anticipation. The two hours become hell, and Heechul isn’t sure how he’ll be able to wait in the taxi too. He hopes that there are at least a few people who speak Korean in the film studio so that he will find Siwon immediately.

He can’t believe that he’s actually doing this. It’s reminiscent of the climax of a romance movie or a fairy tale. Heechul will find his prince and confess his feelings, and then they will live happily ever after because how else would they live?

Heechul shakes his head. He’s being too idealistic. There isn’t such a thing as a happy ever after, not in reality. Even if he and Siwon do get together, they cannot let many others know.

_ I’m getting way ahead of myself,  _ he scolds.

Heechul doesn’t know what he’s doing anymore. He closes his eyes and tries to sleep again. The plane descends right as he finally drifts off into sleep.

~

Heechul drags his one suitcase behind him, speeding to the taxi hub. He cannot wait any longer; that plane ride was far too stressful.

Once he gets there and waves his arm, a taxi striped with yellow pulls up next to Heechul. The driver quickly gets out and places Heechul’s bag in the trunk, and then asks him for his destination in Chinese. Uncomfortably, Heechul shows the man the text message Hankyung sent him, and he nods, closing the door behind Heechul.

The drive is less than ten minutes, but it feels like an hour. Time passes so slowly for Heechul that it makes him want to tear his hair out.

_ I have to tell Siwon now! _

The taxi pulls up next to a long, grey building. Heechul doesn’t even bother looking at the sign to make sure they are at a movie studio; he bounds out of the car, nearly forgetting his luggage in the trunk.

Heechul enters the building with his bag trailing behind him. His excitement and anxiety is getting the better of him as he bumps right into a tall, familiar man.

_ Siwon? _

Heechul looks up at the man. His features are familiar: reddish hair, a hooked nose, and a brilliant smile with perfectly straight teeth.

“Zhoumi!” Heechul grins widely, so glad to see the younger man. Perhaps he can lead him to Siwon. Heechul gives the Chinese singer a big hug.

“Heechul-hyung?” the taller gives a questioning look, patting him on the back before pulling back. “What are you doing here?” 

“Uhm…”  _ I came to tell Siwon I love him?  _ “I, uh, have some business in Beijing. I wanted to check up on Siwon, as well, since I have, uhm, a few hours before I have to go to work.”

Zhoumi nods, “I see. Well, he went out to dinner with Meixiang an hour ago.”  _ Meixiang?  _ Heechul’s mind races. “But he might be in his hotel room right about now…”

_ He’s not here? What am I going to do? Wait, what is wrong with me? Can’t I be patient? _

Heechul knits his eyebrows, “So he’s not here? I came all the way here for nothing?”

“Ah, not for nothing!” Zhoumi drags Heechul to the film set they were working on. The director and cameramen are the only ones still there, wrapping up filming for the day.

“Heechul-hyung?” Zhoumi looks down at the elder, “You cannot see Siwon right now since he isn’t here, but you can see him on film.” He chuckles at his own little joke. Heechul tries to laugh, but it comes out as weak. Zhoumi takes him to one of the cameramen and asks him something about replaying the footage.

“Okay,” Zhoumi says as they look at a screen, “I’m not sure what scene this is, but it should be pretty good. Siwon’s acting has been really amazing lately; he nails every scene no matter what it is.”

“Oh, are you working on  _ Wind in Summer _ too?” Heechul asks as he waits for the film to load up. He may be anxious to see his beloved, but he could never be so rude to precious Zhoumi by interrupting him and leaving.

“Yes. I’m right there, see?” the younger points.

Heechul does see. He watches Zhoumi’s character eavesdropping on a couple in their own apartment, locked in a loving embrace. The pair is composed of the ever-handsome Siwon, and a woman in a scarlet red dress. Heechul cringes at the sight of them; her arms are snaked around Siwon’s neck, and he has his hands placed at her hips. She kisses him only once, but the chemistry between the two is evident.

“Uhm…” Heechul averts his eyes; he is getting uncomfortable watching the two of them, even if it is only an act. He hates the idea of another person wrapped around the one he loves.

“Can’t you feel the love, Heechul-hyung?” Zhoumi looks so proud of this scene, probably because he knows the rest of the movie’s plot.

Heechul nods, reluctantly, and then switches the subject back. “Zhoumi, can you please tell me where I can find Siwon-ah?” 

“Ah,” Zhoumi’s eyes brighten, “Of course. How silly of me. Sorry for stalling, I just got so excited. But I wouldn’t want to make you late.” He scribbles down a hotel name in Chinese on a scrap of paper he found. “Give this to a taxi driver. And here’s some money for that; sorry you weren’t able to find Siwon here.”

Heechul smiles, “It’s okay. Thanks anyways.”

~

The whole taxi ride, Heechul is worried. Seeing the whole scene with the bitch in scarlet made him realize that perhaps Siwon has found someone else during all this time. He hadn’t considered this before; he never once believed that Siwon would forget his own feelings for Heechul and try to love someone else. He doesn’t know why he never thought of it, since it would be such a reasonable thing for Siwon to do when his feelings weren’t reciprocated.

This worry adds to Heechul’s anxiety, making him bounce in his seat almost hard enough to make the cab shake. He is mad and sad, nervous and scared.

_ What if I realized my feelings too late? _

Heechul grips onto the taxi seat tightly. If he liked Siwon only a little bit, then this wouldn’t matter to him as much. But Heechul doesn’t just like Siwon…

He loves him, and he knows it. No matter how hard he tries to deny it, these feelings are too intense to be simple affection. Heechul doesn’t know how it is possible, how he is able to love again, but it has happened. Siwon has become the perfect man to repair Heechul: a caring, affectionate prince considerate of his princess. 

Heechul thinks that Siwon may be the only person he will be able to love in this way. The girls he meets are either too clingy, too demanding, or they hate Heechul’s guts. His guy friends, as he has noticed as of late, are mostly straight, and if they aren’t, then they have a significant other already. And he hasn’t been able to trust the other Super Junior members like he used to since they paired up and became distant from each other. 

Only Siwon has stayed fully by Heechul’s side.

And Heechul has treated him like trash. The thought of this almost makes him tear up; how could he have hurt the perfect man for him, the only one he has been able to love since Hankyung.

By admitting his love so late, he might’ve already lost him to someone else.

_ He’s probably dating that costar. Why else would they appear so loving? _

No. It’s probably just good acting. Heechul is being inconsiderate and dumb. Siwon is a gentleman. There’s no way he has forgotten his feelings for Heechul already, right?

The entire ride, Heechul is wavering between believing in Siwon’s feelings of love for him, and assuming that the intimacy he witnessed on camera is legitimate.

And it’s starting to break him in two.

~

_ Room 502. Fifth floor, second room on the left. _

Heechul has never been more nervous in his entire life; not when he auditioned, not when he performed on stage for the first time, not even when he was in the hospital last week.

He steps out of the elevator, nearing the room slowly. The hallway is brightly lit, and the cream-colored walls display mahogany decorations. He stands in front of the door, knocking softly. Once, twice, then three times. Hopefully loud enough that Siwon can hear it.

A minute later, the hotel door swings open slowly and the occupant steps out sleepily. The shock Heechul gets when he sees Siwon is as if he has never seen him before: this tall man with lean muscles and shadow on his face, angled lips and sparkling eyes, and dark brown hair tousled almost sexily. Siwon rubs his eyes and gives Heechul a once-over. Then his eyes widen.

“Chullie?” Heechul blushes at the nickname Siwon gives him, something he has never called him. Why is he using it now? “Am I...dreaming?”

Heechul squirms in his spot, still confused at the nickname. He doesn’t know how to go about any of this. He hasn’t seen Siwon in a month and a half, and now he has to confess his feelings for him?

“You’re…” Heechul speaks softly. “...not dreaming.” He wonders if this is the part where he hugs the younger in a tight embrace and spills out how much he loves him. But he cannot do any of that; he’s frozen in place by uncertainty. Is Heechul really, truly sure Siwon still loves him?

Siwon scratches at his light stubble, eyebrows contorted and mouth open in an expression of disbelief. “How are you here?”

“I caught a plane.” Heechul shuffles from one foot to the next. “C-can I come in?”

Blinking quickly, Siwon nods, stepping aside, “O-of course, Hyung.”

_ Hyung? What happened to Chullie? _

Heechul walks into the hotel room and immediately sits down on a beige couch. He tries to admire the impressiveness of the suite, but his nerves are taking over. He jiggles his knee in anxiety, clasping his hands together. After closing the door, Siwon comes to sit next to him.

As always, Siwon can read Heechul like a book. With a concerned expression, he asks,. “Is something wrong?”

Heechul shakes his head. He keeps his eyes away from Siwon’s, knowing that he’ll get lost in them if he doesn’t.

Siwon tries to catch Heechul’s distracted gaze. “Hyung? Not to be rude, but might I ask why you’re here? I thought...you were mad with me.”

Heechul recalls the confession and his yelling and the phonecall. At that time, he  _ was _ mad at Siwon. His anger drove him to drink and avoid reality. He would get red hot with fury at the mention of his name. 

But Heechul feels none of that now. It wasn’t right for of him to be mad at Siwon, when all the other man had done was love him, and try to prove to Heechul that he was worthy of love after all.

“I’m not mad with you.” Well, he is kind of mad about that actress, but that doesn’t matter now, does it? “Not anymore, anyways. But...aren’t you mad with me?” Heechul looks at Siwon’s hands, which are folded atop one of his thighs. “I was so mean to you.”

Heechul’s eyes catch on the motion of the younger shaking his head no. “I can’t be mad with you.”

Heechul blushes again. His heart picks up the pace. He knows what he has to tell Siwon, what he has to tell him now, before it’s too late. “In that case, I need to tell you something…”

Siwon raises his eyebrows and Heechul is looking at him directly now.

“I need to tell you…” Heechul falters, and his nerves get the better of him, “that...I have…uh…” He freezes up. 

Siwon tilts his head, questioning. “Yes?”

“I have…”  _ I can’t do this. _ “I have jet lag, you know?”  _ What the hell is wrong with me?  _ “I was wondering if I could crash here tonight? I don’t want to have to pay for a room, really.” _ Why can’t I just tell him that I am absolutely in love with him and that I hope he still loves me? _

Siwon’s eyes widen with shock. His eyebrows knit together in confusion. “That’s all you wanted to say?”

Heechul’s face flushes for the umpteenth time. He is tongue-tied and flustered.  _ Why won’t my sharp tongue work now? _

Siwon shakes his head when Heechul shows no sign of answering. “Fine. You can stay here tonight.” He stands up, peeved. “I’m going back to sleep. You woke me up from my nap.”

Heechul panics as he watches Siwon turn around. His heart races and he can’t breathe. “Wait, wait, wait!” He reaches out and grabs the back of Siwon’s shirt, finally acting.

“What’s so urgent?” Siwon tugs his shirt away from Heechul, turning back to face him. 

“I-I…” Heechul trails off again.

“Hyung.” This is the closest Heechul has ever seen to Siwon being truly angry. “Just tell me. Tell me the truth of why you’re here.” He can see into Heechul’s heart and he knows it. 

_ The truth?  _ Heechul trembles, trying to find his voice. But it won’t come to him.

Siwon is getting closer to Heechul.  _ Damn  _ Siwon for always being able to see right through him! He knows  _ exactly _ what Heechul is here for, and seems to accept it. And he must still have feelings for Heechul!

So why is this so hard for Heechul to do when he knows that Siwon will respond positively anyways?

Heechul’s voice tries to come out. “You want the truth?” Barely a whisper. Siwon’s face is mere inches away. Heechul can see the length of the lashes on his half-closed eyes. “The...truth?” Heechul feels Siwon’s hot breath on his lips. “You want…”

_ Aw, fuck it. _

Heechul suddenly presses forward in an act of pure, unadulterated passion. He doesn’t know what makes him so brave in this instant.

But he’s so glad it has happened.

Siwon captures Heechul’s lips, kissing him back with an equally intense passion. Heechul wraps his arms around the younger’s neck, bringing him even closer. The kiss is soft and gentle, yet fervent and full of need. How it can be both at once, Heechul does not know. But he feels a tingling in every part of his body and a heat growing, somewhere between his legs. Heechul wants more, so much more.

But Siwon stops the kiss short, separating his lips from Heechul’s by a millimeter. 

“Hyung...Is  _ this  _ the truth?” he whispers. With every single one of his words, their lips brush together. “Because I’m going to get the wrong message if you kiss me like this…”

Heechul reddens, dazed and lost in Siwon’s magical eyes. He doesn’t answer until something in the back of his mind demands:  _ Tell him. Don’t miss your chance. _

“You’re not getting the wrong message…” Heechul licks his lips, going for another kiss with his words trailing off.

Siwon pulls back again, a cheeky smirk on his lips. “And what message would that be?”

Heechul snaps out of his heated daze, “That I…”  _ This is it. _ “I like you, Siwon-ah.” He blushes again, super embarrassed, but  _ he finally said it. _

Siwon’s eyes widen for a moment, and Heechul hopes that is a good sign, but he suddenly gives the elder a sly look and says, “Like a brother, right?” Siwon is definitely teasing, trying to get the full truth out of Heechul, which he finds annoying.

Heechul huffs, “No. Not like a brother.”

Siwon steps back completely, releasing Heechul’s waist from his hands. “Sorry, but I don’t believe you.”

Heechul immediately becomes worried. He thought Siwon wasn’t mad with him, that he does still love him. 

The newfound bravery is still there. So, Heechul grabs Siwon’s shoulders tightly and looks him in the eye. “Don’t you  _ dare _ tell me you don’t believe me. I didn’t come all the way to China for nothing _. _ ” His eyes start welling up and he tries to hold the tears in. “Do you know what I’ve been through? Your little confession had me angry for weeks on end, confused all day and night. I couldn’t understand what you could possibly like about me...but I eventually accepted it.” A single tear drops down his cheek and Siwon is as still as a statue. “I-I drank all the time, do you know that?! It’s all I wanted to do! It was  _ horrible,  _ Wonnie!” The nickname slips out without Heechul really thinking; it just feels right.. “And I had to talk to  _ Hankyung _ to find out where you were. So don’t you fucking  _ dare _ tell me”—fingers gripping the fabric of Siwon’s shirt, Heechul is nearly yelling, sobs escaping—”that you don’t believe me! I  _ need  _ you to understand that I am completely in love with you!” His last word is a shriek, lost in the loud cries that follow.

Heechul lets his face fall into his hands, sobbing uncontrollably, and his knees feel weak. He shouldn’t be crying; this should be a happy moment, right? He has finally admitted his own feelings to Siwon. But he cannot help the overwhelming frustration that releases in the form of tears.

He soon feels a rough palm caressing his ruddy cheek. Then another one. A forehead presses to his own. Heechul lets his hands fall, and though the tears make his vision blurry, he knows that Siwon is smiling.

“That’s all I needed to hear, Hyung.” Siwon says softly. He lifts his lips to Heechul’s forehead, placing a light kiss there. He keeps kissing different spots on Heechul’s face: his eyelids, his nose, his cheeks, his ears, before he finally lands on his lips.

This is the single most enjoyable kiss Heechul has ever experienced. It is full to the brim with pure love, plush soft and leaving him breathless. Siwon rests his hands on the small of Heechul’s back, exactly where they belong, just gently enough to keep him from shattering into a billion pieces. Their chests press against each other, and Heechul raises his hands to entangle his slender fingers in Siwon’s gelled hair.

They soon move to the couch, mouths clashing as the kisses get hungrier. Heechul gasps when he falls back onto the beige couch, Siwon on top of him. His weight does not burden Heechul’s chest as much as his own untold feelings did before now.

The two stay like that for a long time, kissing hotly on the couch, arms and legs wrapped around each other. They don’t shed their clothes or go any further; the only thing on their minds is the other man’s lips, something they have each been craving for months.

After a few minutes, Heechul pulls back slowly, breaths escaping quickly. He glances up and takes in Siwon’s appearance. The young man is also panting, eyes half-lidded and looking right at Heechul. His perfectly sculpted face is pink with a flush that Heechul has only seen in his heated dreams. He is so beautiful, and this beauty is so different to Heechul now that this face belongs to the man he loves. Why was he ever mad at this flawless man?

Heechul reaches up with one hand and caresses Siwon’s cheek. “I’m sorry,” he whispers, “for always being so mean. I—”

Siwon stops Heechul with a finger to his lips, “Shh. Don’t apologize. I know that...you weren’t ready. I should’ve waited a bit longer.”

A sweet smile grows on the elder’s face. “It’s okay. I don’t know if I would have realized how much I…” Heechul kisses Siwon’s lips, a simple peck, “love you…”

Now is Siwon’s turn to blush furiously, hugging Heechul tightly to his chest. “Oh, God, I love you so much too!” 

Heechul’s grin spreads wider at the younger’s words, embracing him back. Then something troubling starts eating at the back of his mind, making Heechul hug Siwon tighter.

“Something wrong?” Siwon says into the elder’s hair.

“I just…” Heechul grits his teeth, “couldn’t stand seeing you and that bitch like this.”

“Me and…” Siwon pulls back, a questioning look on his face, “Do you mean Meixiang? Don’t call her that. She’s only a rookie.”

“But you two looked so intimate on camera. Zhoumi showed me a clip of you two.” Heechul looks away, “I would have believed that you were together.”

Siwon shakes his head, “We’re only co-stars, and I’ve been giving her a few acting tips. I promise, that’s all...You’re the one I like the most.”

Heechul’s cheeks heat up, and any anger he has dissolves. “Okay, I believe you…” He trails off, capturing the younger’s lips once again. The kisses are addicting and Heechul quickly loses himself in Siwon’s arms.

“ _ Damn _ , is this what I’ve been missing out on?” the elder whispers against Siwon’s kiss-swollen lips.

Siwon nods, proudly, “I’ve been told that I’m a good kisser.”  Heechul cannot believe how lucky he is to be with a man as adorable as Siwon.

Heechul frowns, jokingly, “I hope not recently.”

Chuckles burst from Siwon, “No, no. Hyung, you’re the only one I’ve kissed in a long time.”

Heechul smiles at this. “Good. But Siwon…” He recalls the nickname from earlier, “Wonnie….”

Siwon looks almost surprised. “You never call me that. What is it?”

“Can you call me...Chullie, again?” Heechul swipes his thumb across the younger’s bottom lip. “I like it better. Mostly everyone else calls me Hyung.”

“Of course…” An octave lower, a note of sensuality seeping in. “Chullie…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the long-awaited reunion chapter!!  
> the last few chapters will tie up loose ends and explore the wonders of the SiChul relationship <3


	16. Just a Trick

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “I knew it was all just a trick on the eyes” ~ Yesung, “Magic”

Even though Heechul has finally found the man he loves, time doesn’t stop for anyone. Siwon still has work the next day, and he has to keep filming for another week before he can even think about going back to Korea. Heechul stays with him, sleeping jet lag away in the suite. Siwon doesn’t return until eight o’clock at night, which gives them about two hours to make out or watch a movie before they both fall asleep. It’s definitely not enough time and Heechul doesn’t exactly feel the difference in their relationship. For a while, he’ll let it slide...

On another note, sometimes he tags along to the filming sites, watching Siwon act with Zhoumi and Meixiang, who is no longer “the bitch in scarlet red”. Once Heechul finally meets Meixiang, they quickly become good friends, mainly because she likes to play a ton of practical jokes on her co-workers and is of blood type AB like him. Heechul often gets the chance to play a prank with her, and they have a lot of fun together. So much fun that Heechul actually forgets what he’s doing here. 

~

“Heechul!” Meixiang bounds over to the Cinderella, grasping his shoulders tightly, “This is my last week here! We have to do something  _ unforgettable _ !”

Heechul snickers, leaning back in the foldable chair that the director gave him to sit in. “Perfect idea, Mei! What should we do?”

Meixiang grins, and then whispers the plan in Heechul’s ear. When she finishes, he cackles evilly. He hasn’t done something like this in a long time.

~

The vandalized posters are all ready, in dozens of piles all around Meixiang’s apartment floor. Heechul rifles through the papers, looking for any posters that need more additions. He writes terrible, insulting words, like “stupid horse” and “idiot Simba”, all in great fun. Heechul does worry that Siwon might get a little mad, but it’s clearly nothing more than a stupid prank, so he doesn’t think too much of it.

Heechul laughs at the hundreds of posters of Choi Siwon, printed from online, bought from stores, and donated by Meixiang’s friends. They all have something wrong with them: a thought balloon with dirty jokes written inside, exaggerated facial hair, obscenities in all possible languages, and terrible drawings, all done by Meixiang, Heechul, and Meixiang’s girlfriends for the past few days.

This is the worst prank yet, and Heechul is entirely proud to be a part of it. It targets the single person Meixiang has yet to prank, and it will be the best one.  _ Wind in Summer _ will go out with a bang!

Heechul is the most crucial part of this prank, because he is the only one with access to Siwon’s hotel room, where Meixiang plans to have the posters put up. 

“Heechul?” Meixiang smiles from her spot on the bed, where she is finishing up the rest of the posters. “Are you ready?” Her grin is almost as evil as Kyuhyun’s.

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” he winks, picking up two piles of posters and a roll of tape.

~

On the evening before  _ Wind in Summer _ ’s last day of filming, Siwon is shooting his last scene while Heechul and Meixiang tape the posters up. It takes three hours to completely cover the walls and floor of Siwon and Heechul’s hotel suite bedroom, and hide a camera on the desk to record Siwon’s reaction. 

Heechul doesn’t tell the younger what he is doing tonight; he lets Siwon go back to the hotel room after the shooting, expecting to find him there.

At nine o’clock, Heechul, Meixiang, and some of the other cast members sit around a laptop set up in the film studio that displays the video camera feed. They see the hotel room, and all they can see is Siwon: in magazine photo shoots, on Super Junior pinups, on his old film posters—appearance mutilated and torn. 

And then they see the real Choi Siwon.

He walks into the room, not suspecting anything. In fact, he doesn’t notice what is wrong with the room for a minute while he adjusts the cuffs on his shirt. 

Once he does look up, his eyes widen to the size of golf balls. He sputters in disbelief spinning around to view all of the vandalized posters. He grabs one of them and reads what is written on it.

Heechul and the others guffaw, falling out of their seats and onto the floor.

“That’s pure gold!” Someone shouts, “Meixiang, how did you come up with this?”

“Did you see the look on his face?” Another yells, dissolving into contagious laughter. “I almost feel bad for him!”

Heechul cackles maniacally. He may love Siwon, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t willing to play tricks on him. This prank gives him a thrill and he topples over onto Meixiang, laughing.

“Heechul, isn’t this great?!” She pushes him back to his seat.

“Yeah, this is awesome!” Heechul looks back to the screen. Siwon is pacing and contemplating something. He tears the posters off of the wall angrily. Heechul should feel regret for making him so mad, but he doesn’t. There’s nothing wrong with that, right?

Then Siwon pulls his phone out and taps on it.

Heechul’s phone buzzes in his back pocket.  _ Busted. _

He looks to Meixiang who shrugs, still laughing, “It was fun while it lasted!”

Heechul pouts, grabbing his phone and answers the call. “Hello?”

“Kim Heechul. There are hundred of vandalized poster of me plastered to the hotel room wall. Might you be able to tell me who did this?”

Heechul snorts, “Maybe a fan got in through the windows.”

“They’re all closed and locked,” the younger responds in a clipped fashion, “Heechul, are you sure Meixiang has nothing to do with this? And perhaps...you?”

Heechul tries to hold it in; he really does, but the guilt starts eating at him. He wants to end the call before he spills the beans. “Uhm, I’ll talk to you later.”

“Heechul!”

The elder hangs up. Meixiang looks at him, shaking her head, “It’s no use. You can tell him. I didn’t want to make him too mad…”

Heechul shrugs, “It’s fine. It was a great prank.”

“You guys put a lot of work into it,” one of the guys say, “It was unbelievable.”

“I will forever treasure that horrified look on Siwon’s face,” Zhoumi compliments, “Meixiang you are a legend!”

Meixiang blushes and the prank is over and done.

Well, not for Heechul.

~

When he gets back to the hotel room an hour later, Siwon is seated at the kitchenette table, sipping a cup of tea and reading some papers.

Heechul smiles, avoiding any talk of the prank, “Evening, Wonnie. You look busy, so I’ll be going off to shower now.”

Siwon doesn’t answer. He doesn’t even bother looking up.

“Siwon?” Heechul raises an eyebrow, “Are you ignoring me?”

The younger glances up for a second, and finally replies with a question, “Now why would I do that?” 

Heechul walks forward and takes a seat in front of him. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t, do you?” Siwon mutters bitterly, “Well, it seems that you had some part in this prank of sorts.”

“No, I didn’t…” Heechul looks away.

“Uh-huh. Then why are most of the messages in your handwriting?”

_ Damn it. _

Heechul sighs loudly, “Fine. Meixiang and I pulled a prank on you.” He grins, “Pretty good, wasn’t it?”

Siwon lowers his papers, frowning. “I didn’t like it at all. It’s very mean and makes for a big mess. I hope you are planning to assist Meixiang in cleaning it up because I for sure am not.”

Heechul whistles low, “You’re angry, aren’t you?” Siwon’s  _ never _ angry. What’s up with him now?

“What do you think?” the younger returns his eyes to his papers.

Heechul leans his elbow on the table and his chin in his palm. “Look. I’m sorry about all that, Wonnie. I’ll admit, what we wrote was pretty mean, but it was just a harmless prank. You know we didn’t mean any of it…” 

“I thought you loved me. What kind of a lover does that?” he asks, and then goes silent.

“What?” Heechul reaches across the table and grasps the younger’s wrist. “Wonnie...It was only a joke…”

Siwon doesn’t show signs of relenting. He even pulls his wrist away and lifts the papers higher so that his eyes are shielded from Heechul’s pleading gaze.

“You’re really  _ that _ mad about it?” Heechul huffs, standing up and walking around to stand behind Siwon. He bends over slightly, wrapping his slender arms around the younger man. “Wonnie~ Please forgive me…”

Siwon disentangles from the elder’s embrace, sets his cup and paper down, stands up, and leaves the room. Heechul is left with the feeling that he has made a big mistake.

~

And the way he deals with mistakes made is a strong drink. Or any drink, for that matter. He doesn’t like admitting that this was a bad thing, so he needs an escape. It’s Siwon’s fault for being so stubborn over something this stupid anyways.

_ Siwon’s such an idiot. I thought couples were supposed to understand each other... _

_ Wait, are we a couple? _

_ Yes, of course we are. _ That goes without saying. Siwon and Heechul both are in love with the other, and their relationship is plain as day.

_ Then why do I feel so uncertain about all of this? _

Grumbling to himself, Heechul leaves the hotel room wearing a warm parka, a couple yuan stuffed in his pocket. He wants to go to a bar, but it would probably be easier to find a liquor store since he still doesn’t know his way around this place.

A beige store with a yellow neon sign enters his vision about a quarter-mile from the hotel. He can see an array of alcoholic drinks displayed inside. Heechul walks in, and is greeted by a young woman at the counter. He nods at her, and then fumbles around in the aisles, looking for something good. Nothing particularly strikes his interest, so he grabs a six-pack of a brand of beer he’s had before, buys it, and leaves the store.

Looking down into the bag of beer, Heechul walks off in the direction he thinks the hotel is. He pulls the plastic off the top of the cans and lifts one out to drink. He cracks the can open and takes a sip of the amber liquid. Then he looks up at where he is going.

Heechul is utterly lost. The buildings in front of him all look the same, and they are all unfamiliar to him. He tries going back the way he came, but he ends up in an alley that is also unfamiliar. He sighs, and it takes a few moments for the anxiety to set in.

Hardly anyone is around, and he doesn’t speak decent enough Mandarin to communicate anyways. He doesn’t even know the name of Siwon’s hotel, so how is he ever going to get back?

_ I’m lost, I’m lost.  _ Heechul’s heart picks up speed. He rushes between buildings, trying to look for something that is familiar, but there is nothing.

_ I must have taken a wrong turn somewhere... _ He shakes his head. Takes another sip of beer. Downs the entire can, crushes it weakly, and throws it into a dark alley. He sees a man at the end of the alley and Heechul thinks he’s coming for him.

_ Not again! _ He runs in the opposite direction. He hears heavy footsteps following him. He looks back, and…

Nothing. He’s imagining it again. Heechul pulls out a second can and drinks it. He doesn’t know why he keeps drinking; it will just make his balance and judgement worse, but the anxiety makes him reach for another can.

He shivers in the night cold, leaning against a wall and pulling his coat tighter around him. He remembers that he has his phone with him.

_ Oh, I can call Siwon! _ He tries dialing the number, but nothing happens. He remembers that he never switched the card in his phone since he didn’t expect to be in Beijing long. Not that Siwon would answer anyways; he seemed pretty mad.

“Ugh!” He drops to the ground. Maybe someone will find him out here…

More footsteps, the same heavy, clunky sound as earlier. Heechul’s heartbeat grows rapid and he feels his stomach tightening.

“Siwon, help me!” he cries instinctively, covering his face defensively. He doesn’t know why he isn’t running away, or even inside another store where it might be safer.

_ Why aren’t you ever here to save me?! _

“I’m here.”

Heechul’s eyes open wide. He lowers his hands and looks up. Siwon is standing over him with that same worried expression he always has.

Heechul gasps and stands up, falling onto Siwon with his entire weight. “Wonnie!” Relief washes over him and his insecurities dissipate.

“What is wrong with you?” Siwon hugs Heechul tightly. His voice doesn’t carry the same anger that it did earlier, “One second you’re playing jokes on me, and the next you’re miserable and lost with a bag of alcohol in hand!”

“I’m sorry, sorry, sorry…” Heechul apologizes over and over again, burying his face in Siwon’s gray shirt. “Please take me back to the hotel.” He wants to be alone with Siwon, safe in his arms, where he belongs.

Siwon nods and leads the elder back to the fancy hotel. He doesn’t let go of his hand for a single second. And Heechul doesn’t want him to; this is one of the things that proves they are indeed a couple.

“You scared me to death, Chullie...” Siwon knits his thick eyebrows, “You could’ve been raped…”

“But I wasn’t. You were here, this time…”  _ Oops.  _ Heechul trails off, realizing that he never told Siwon what happened the night before he left for China.

“This time?” the younger pauses, tightening his grip on Heechul’s hand, “What do you mean,  _ this time _ ?”

Heechul looks up into Siwon’s dazzling eyes, “I-I mean, I was, uhm, walking home from the convenience store the night before I left...And some guy…”

Siwon doesn’t let Heechul finish; he drags him angrily all the way back to the hotel.

“Siwon!”  _ He’s mad again. Why is he mad again? _

“What did he do to you?!” the younger grits his teeth, pulling Heechul into the elevator and pressing the button for the fifth floor.

Heechul cannot speak. He has never seen Siwon like this, and it shocks him. He averts the younger’s gaze as his words fail him.

“What?” Siwon grasps Heechul’s arms, “Tell me, Chullie!”

“N-nothing...He didn’t really do anything.”

Siwon’s eyebrows raise as the elevator dings. Then he lowers his head, shaking it. “Oh, thank God.”

Heechul steps out onto their floor, pulling Siwon with him. “Yeah, I’m okay. Nothing ever happened. Not then, not today.”

Siwon tightens his grip again, “I’m still worried for you.” Normally his worry would piss Heechul off, but now it only makes him wonder.

“Why?” the elder asks.

“What do you mean, why? I’m worried for you because I care for you.” Siwon looks down, “Because I love you.”

Heechul flushes.  _ That’s enough, now.  _ “Okay, okay, unlock the door already. I have three more cans of beer to finish off.”

Siwon unlocks the door with his key card. “There’s no reason for you to drink, Chullie.”

“Oh yes there is,” Heechul walks into the room and takes his parka off, “You’re mad at me and I don’t want to think about it.”

Siwon closes the door behind them, “Do you  _ really _ think I’m still mad at you? After searching high and low for you in the middle of the night, hoping you weren’t kidnapped?”

Heechul hisses through his teeth, “You’re probably even angrier at me now.”

Siwon pulls Heechul into an embrace, “You’re such an idiot…”

“So are you!” Heechul pushes at the younger, “You should know when I’m only joking! I was following Meixiang’s orders! It was just a fucking prank!”

Siwon sighs, “I know. You wouldn’t insult me on purpose, Hyung. I’m sorry for being angry…” He kisses Heechul’s temple. 

“Let’s promise not to be so mad at each other, okay?” Heechul pulls back slightly, tilting his head, “I’ve been mad at you all this time and I’m tired of it. I don’t want anything to come between us.”

Siwon nods, “I’d rather smother you in kisses than stay mad…”

“Well, don’t let me stop you…” Heechul smirks, lowering his eyelids seductively.

Chuckling, the younger kisses Heechul’s forehead, his cheeks, his nose, then his lips. Heechul kisses back, resting his hands on Siwon’s shoulders whereas Siwon’s hands are around Heechul’s waist. 

The elder pulls back for a moment. “Siwon, are we...a couple now?”

“Uhm, yes?” Siwon raises an eyebrow, “Haven’t we been, since the day you arrived?”

Heechul shrugs, “I suppose so. But we never said anything like that.”

“Isn’t saying ‘I love you’ enough to tell you that we should be together?” Siwon smirks.

Heechul giggles, “Fine... _ boyfriend _ .”

With a smile on his lips, Siwon kisses him again. They lose each other in the embrace, arms wrapped around tight. There is nothing but sugar-sweetness in these kisses.

But Heechul wants more.

He wants raging passion, something he is sure Siwon is capable of giving to him. He wants Siwon’s everything: his lips, his heart, his mind, his  _ body. _ If words aren’t enough, then surely  _ that _ will reassure Heechul that they are indeed in a real relationship.

He lets his mouth fall open, inviting Siwon in. The younger man indulges in Heechul’s sinful mouth, kissing him deeper and more hungrily. Their tongues mash fervently and Heechul can feel intense heat building in his abdomen.

The makeout quickly becomes explosive. Passion leaks as they crash into each other again and again, and before realizing it, they have both emptied their minds of everything but the other man. Heechul grips tightly to Siwon’s shoulders, feeling the latter’s fingers pressing into his hips. The younger pushes him gently against the wall, tilting his head in the other direction to kiss again.  

“Wonnie~” Heechul moans, pulling his lips back slightly. He voices what he has wanted to say all this time, “I want you. Right here, right now.” 

“Chullie…” Siwon whispers, kissing Heechul’s swollen lips again.

Heechul grinds his hips upward, earning a sharp groan from the other. “Fuck me, Siwon...”

Siwon sighs against Heechul’s lips, breath hot and moist. “Not right here. Not like this.”

“Why not?” Heechul whines, panting. He can feel the tension in his groin, the throbbing heat. “I don’t think I’ve ever wanted someone so badly.”

Siwon blushes, kissing Heechul once, “Me neither. But I’m going to do this properly.” He grabs the elder’s thighs and lifts them around his waist, and then leans in close to Heechul’s ear.

Siwon’s next words make Heechul fall head over heels in love with him, as if he wasn’t already.

“Chullie…” he whispers in an impossibly low voice, “I’m going to make love to you…”

A shiver runs up Heechul’s spine. He whimpers, burying his face in Siwon’s shoulder, nearly about to cry. No one has ever said these words to him before. Not even Hankyung; he hardly ever said anything, but if he did, it was “I’m going to fuck you.”

He would never call sex “making love”. Only Siwon uses such romantic words.

What in the world has Heechul been missing out on? 

Siwon carries him to the bedroom, a spacious room filled with a gilded, four-poster bed, a mahogany dresser, a full-length mirror, and a separate bathroom. The walls and floor are still mostly covered in posters; Siwon must have taken a few down already.

Heechul is kissing trails up Siwon’s tan neck, raking his fingernails in the younger’s dark hair, chanting his name like a mantra. Siwon places him gently on the bed, leaning on top of him with most of his weight. Heechul hums into Siwon’s throat, nipping at the skin.

“Wonnie…” he whispers, “Please…” 

The other shushes him, “Wait a moment…” He suckles Heechul’s ear, reaching down to his jeans. He unbuttons and unzips the elder, and Heechul wiggles out of his pants and boxer quickly. Heechul undoes Siwon’s shirt as fast as his fingers will let him, and then slips his own shirt off. He reaches for Siwon’s belt, but the younger stops him.

“I have to prepare you first.” Siwon says adamantly.

“But we don’t have anything. I didn’t…” Heechul breathes out, “...expect for any of this to happen.”

Siwon has a sheepish smile on his face, “I didn’t either. But I’ll try my best.” He kisses Heechul once and then sits up, in between the elder’s legs. He bends down and lifts Heechul’s thighs up, exposing everything.

This moment has Heechul blushing like a teenage girl. It has been more than eight years since someone he loves has done this for him.

He feels Siwon kissing a trail down one of his milky thighs, sucking the skin into his mouth and making a few marks. Heechul shudders once the younger’s lips reach his long-untouched entrance. Siwon pokes his tongue out, delving deeply into the elder. Heechul winces at the uncomfortable intrusion, but soon senses a glimmer of pleasure. Once the pain recedes, Siwon pushes a finger in, which is met with little resistance as Heechul’s body is starting to invite him in. 

“Mnn…” Heechul moans, biting on his knuckles. His eyes are shut tight, yet he can feel Siwon watching his every reaction. 

“Okay for another?” Siwon asks politely, contrasting exactly where he is speaking from.

Heechul nods vigorously. His boyfriend enters a second finger, scissoring them gently. The elder feels heat flushing into his cheeks, and his heart thrums erratically. He crosses his ankles behind Siwon’s neck, pressing him closer. The younger licks upwards on Heechul’s perineum, sending a shiver throughout his body. Heechul’s breath is shaky, “Wonnie…Feels so good...”

Siwon hums, taking that as permission for a third finger. 

Suddenly, a spark shoots up Heechul’s spine, forcing him to arch his back. “Ah! Wonnie~”

Siwon pulls his face back abruptly, “Are you okay?”

Heechul trembles, “Ahh….F-fine, but...d-do that again.”

The younger curls his fingers in just the right way to make the elder throw his head back unconsciously, having hit his prostate. “Oh!”

Heat rushes to Heechul’s cock, which begs to be touched. He reaches down to relieve himself, but Siwon beats him to it, drawing out each stroke slowly. Heechul trembles under his touch, at the mercy of his lover’s fingers.

“S-Siwon...Please…” Heechul trails off breathlessly, “M-make love to me.”

Nodding, the younger unbuckles his belt, and then shoves his pants and boxers off. Heechul finds himself unable to look away from his lover’s length.

A chuckle escapes Siwon’s lips, drawing Heechul’s attention back. “What can I say?” he smiles, “I’m pretty blessed.”

If Heechul wasn’t so distracted in this moment, he would slap Siwon for that.

Siwon spreads Heechul’s legs wider, hovering over him for a second. Heechul nods, knowing that he’s waiting for permission, and then Siwon starts pushing in.

The sensation is an intrusion, something that shouldn’t feel as right as it does. Heechul can feel himself sucking Siwon in, begging him to become one with him. The younger keeps his hands just behind Heechul’s knees, and the elder wraps his arms around his lover’s neck. There is only a centimeter between their lips, and it isn’t until Siwon is entirely inside that Heechul breaches the gap.

They kiss, hot and dripping with passion, messily without a care. As soon as Heechul feels he is ready, he tugs their hips closer.

Siwon takes notice, sliding out only slightly, and then thrusting shallowly inside. Clutching onto Siwon’s shoulder blades, Heechul moans into his lover’s mouth. Siwon rocks into him again and again, bringing a wave of pain and pleasure together. The combination is mind-blowing, and Heechul doesn’t know how he survived without this feeling for so long.

_ So this is what making love is like… _

Heechul and Hankyung didn’t make love. In the four years of their relationship, they had sex, and they fucked, but they didn’t make love. This is an act reserved for Siwon alone.

Siwon has been Heechul’s official boyfriend for only a few moments, but he is treating the elder as if they have been together far longer. He somehow knows where Heechul’s most sensitive spots are; he has figured out that licking the underside of Heechul’s top lip drives him crazy. Siwon is a gentle, perfect lover for him—the missing puzzle piece in Heechul’s life. 

Heechul has always had Siwon around him, but he never once thought that they would be in a situation like this, with the younger inside of his hyung, both minds foggy with ecstasy.

Even though they are going back to Korea tomorrow, Heechul doesn’t want to go back to the way they used to be.

Siwon looks so handsome on top of him, eyes glazed and forehead dripping with sweat. His thrusts grow erratic as he nears his end inside of Heechul, who is just as close.

A moment later, with Siwon kissing his lips softly, Heechul’s climax has his mind drawing a blank.


	17. Please Don't Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “I want you so bad,  
> Oh baby baby please don’t go” ~ Donghae, “Devil”

 

At ten o’clock in the morning, Heechul wakes up to the strong smell of fried eggs and the luscious lips of his boyfriend. 

“Mmm...Smells delicious…” Heechul hums into Siwon’s kiss. 

“Breakfast, just for you,” the younger says, pulling back and gingerly helping Heechul to sit up. “We’re leaving at noon. The flight is at one thirty.”

“Okay.” Heechul grasps the tray of room service food from Siwon’s hands and begins to eat. He glances up and notices that the walls and floor are free of posters.

“Did you take them all down?” Heechul asks Siwon, who is packing up his suitcase.

“No, Zhoumi and Meixiang showed up an hour ago and cleaned up.” Siwon zips his luggage up.

“Oh? And you didn’t wake me?” Heechul pouts, “I haven’t had the chance to say goodbye.”

“Sorry, no. They insisted you get your beauty sleep.” Siwon chuckles, taking a seat on the bed, “Don’t worry, I don’t think they could tell that you were naked.”

Heechul blushes, pulling the sheets up to cover his bare chest. He doesn’t want to remind Siwon of what went down last night, so he considers a distraction. He picks up a bite of egg with his chopsticks and lifts it to Siwon’s lips, his own mouth open as if to say “Ahh…”.

Siwon smirks, “Aw, is my baby feeding me now?”

Heechul suddenly realizes this is a terrible idea. He looks away, “Oh, hurry up before I eat it.” 

Laughing, the younger opens his mouth and chomps down on Heechul’s chopsticks. Even eating, Siwon looks extremely handsome; his eyelids close for a second while he bites, short eyelashes resting on his cheekbones, and his pink lips close around the utensils. Heechul glances at his lover’s dresswear; he is nearly ready for the day, with a pressed cream shirt buttoned up and gray skinny jeans clinging to his toned legs. 

Abruptly pulling his chopsticks away, the elder goes back to eating on his own. Siwon smiles at him, leaning forward to kiss the shell of his ear, “You were really great last night…”

_ Damn it, I was trying to avoid this!  _ Heechul flushes, eating faster. He doesn’t respond. 

Siwon doesn’t let him avoid it. He wraps his arms around the elder, cuddling close and kissing his cheek. “Maybe...you want to go for another round before we go?” Siwon’s voice sounds so sensual that Heechul find himself wanting to comply, but the aching in his body has him declining.

“No way! As if my hips don’t hurt enough!” Heechul scoffs, “You’re an animal!”

It takes a few seconds for his words to settle in, but Siwon’s laughter eventually find its way up. He only hugs Heechul tighter, laughing into his neck, and Heechul is left as a blushing, hot mess. Though a smile somehow creeps up on his lips.

~

Heechul holds onto Siwon’s hand for the whole taxi ride, their fingers tightly interlaced. The last time he held his hand, there was nothing more than brotherhood and band membership between them. Now, there is far more meaning. 

The elder glances down at their hands. His is pale and delicate, with long fingers. Siwon’s is manly and strong, but soft and comforting. They fit together like a lock and key. Heechul smiles, looking up at his lover. The younger man is staring out the window, a reminiscent expression on his face.

“What are you thinking about?” Heechul wonders.

Siwon blinks out of his daze and turns to his lover. “Hm? I’m just considering how we’ll tell the others.”

Heechul hasn’t thought about this, but he supposes he should. He taps his fingertips on Siwon’s knuckles, “We’ll tell them if they ask. I know Donghae would probably like to know right away; I talked to him before I left...He helped me figure out what to do with myself. Jungsu-hyung too.”

Siwon nods in agreement. Then he returns his gaze to the window. “What about ELF?”

Heechul blushes, “We can’t tell the fans! We’ll get our asses kicked out of Super Junior!”

“Why not? Hyuk and Hae have practically outed themselves to the whole fanbase. Leeteuk-hyung and Kangin-hyung too.”

Heechul makes air quotes, “‘Practically’ is the key word. If they  _ really _ revealed their relationship…”

Siwon releases his boyfriend’s hand, wrapping his arm around him instead. “Okay, okay. We won’t tell ELF. We’ll have to hide it.”

“That’s no problem now,” Heechul considers, “But when we make our comeback…”

Siwon ruffles his hair, “Don’t worry yourself, Chullie. It will be fine.”

“Okay.”

~

Waiting in the airport with his luggage at his feet, Heechul updates his Instagram. Why not; he’s wearing a great outfit of pink jeans and a black shirt with the anime character Asuka on it. 

And his Petals have been commenting on his last post that they miss him and have no idea what he has been doing. He hasn’t posted anything ever since he left Korea, which would surely make his fans worried.

Heechul decides to take a chance. He snaps a silly photo with his boyfriend and posts it with the caption,  _ “Airport with the horse. #WindinSummer.” _ Petals around the world respond immediately.  _ “I ship it!” “SiChul forever” “Siwon-oppa, please marry me instead!” _

Heechul and Siwon both laugh at the comments. Good thing he never replies to them.

His phone suddenly buzzes with an incoming call. Donghae’s name is displayed on the screen.

“Ah, Hae?” Heechul answers the call. Siwon raises an eyebrow at the name.   

“Heechul-hyung? Are you coming home soon?” Donghae sounds frantic.

“Uhm, yeah. Siwon and I are waiting for our flight—”

“When will you be home?” Donghae interrupts.

“We will be home in two hours. Hae,” Heechul looks to Siwon, worriedly, “is everything alright?”

“I...I’ll tell you when you arrive. I’m waiting at your apartment. Don’t worry too much.” Donghae says, a tired tone in his voice. “Just hurry up.” Then he ends the call.

Heechul blinks quickly and stares at his phone. 

Siwon’s eyebrows contort, “What happened?”

“I don’t know,” Heechul huffs, “Hae sounds troubled. He did seem that way the last time I talked to him, but that was weeks ago…”

Siwon wraps an arm around him, “How about we worry for Donghae later? I know you need some rest…” He bounces his eyebrows stupidly, “We were practically up all night.”

“Shut up,” Heechul blushes, making his lover chuckle in delight. 

A minute later, their flight number is called and they leave to the gate.

~

Heechul does fall asleep on the two-hour flight back. And so does Siwon. The flight attendants have to shake them awake when the plane lands, and instruct them that everybody already left.

Siwon rushes behind Heechul with both of their suitcases. They call a cab and sit inside it, waiting. Heechul wants to call Donghae back to make sure he’s okay, but the ride is only a few minutes and he supposes the kid can wait that long.

“Hyung?” At five in the afternoon, Donghae is sitting on the doorstep when Siwon and Heechul come up the apartment complex stairs. His brown hair is swept up in the middle and he’s wearing a black wifebeater under a down coat and blue jeans.

“Hae, are you okay?” Heechul rushes over and checks Donghae physically for anything wrong.

“Uhm,” the youngest backs away from his elder’s touch, “My body is fine, Hyung. It’s actually that, um, Hyukkie and I are...fighting.”

Siwon raises his eyebrows, “Why?”

Donghae is about to respond, but Heechul interrupts while unlocking the apartment, “Come inside first; it’s cold.”

The three of them go in and the other two occupants make it known that they have survived on their own. Cherry and Heebum start scratching at their owner’s legs.

“Heebum!” Heechul smiles, picking his cats up, “Cherry!”

Donghae smiles at his hyung. Siwon closes the door behind them, and then goes to make coffee for everyone. The other two sit at the kitchen table, the eldest occupied with his cats. Donghae’s nose is red from the outside weather and his eyes are pink from crying. Siwon brings the mugs over a few minutes later, but the youngest doesn’t reach for his cup.

Siwon sips from his own idly, “Hae, why are you and Hyuk fighting?”

Donghae shrugs, melancholy, “I’m not really sure…”

“Oh, come on.” Heechul takes notice of their conversation, picking up his mug and letting his cats bound onto the linoleum. “There must be  _ something _ you can figure out.”

Siwon places a hand on the elder’s shoulder, silently urging him to soften his words.

Donghae doesn’t seem to mind. “Well, it might be something about not being as happy together as we used to be. He told me that on our last concert a few weeks ago...I don’t know, really. Our spark is...dim, I guess.”

Heechul’s eyes widen. “Something must have happened to provoke that.”

The youngest sniffles, “I don’t like to think about it. I left because I wanted to make sure I still love him, because I didn’t  _ want _ to fight with him anymore.”

“Well, you’re welcome to stay here as long as you like. There’s an extra bedroom at the end of the hall.” Heechul glances at his lover, “Siwon-ah can sleep on the couch.”

Siwon places his cup down comically, “I won’t be sleeping in your bed?”

Heechul snorts, pushing his black hair over his ears, “No way. My bed is too small for your long legs. Plus, aren’t you supposed to go back to your own apartment?” 

Siwon pouts like a child, and Donghae chuckles, out of his somber mood from earlier. “I take it you guys hooked up.”

Heechul winks at the youngest, letting him figure it out on his own. Siwon doesn’t let there be any mystery. He stands up and hugs Heechul tightly from behind, nuzzling his face in his hair.

“Alright, alright, Wonnie,” Heechul laughs, “Hae gets it.”

Donghae smiles, then his lips droop and his eyes are downcast. “Hyukkie hasn’t hugged me like that for a few weeks now…”

The eldest senses the distress in his dongsaeng’s tone of voice. He stands, disentangling from Siwon’s arms, and then wraps his own around Donghae. “Don’t worry. Maybe you just need to be away from him for a while.”

Donghae nods, eyes glassy with tears. Siwon comes over and hugs them both.

~

The next week, Heechul attends radio sessions since he skipped out on them the whole time he was in Beijing. He likes these days because he goes to work, an environment he feels very comfortable in, and then he comes home to his lover and most favorite dongsaeng. 

It isn’t until the second week that Heechul realizes he might have made another mistake.

“Hyung!” From his bedroom, Heechul can hear Donghae shout in the living room. The eldest is silently working on more songs for his M&D album that is set to release soon.

“Bathroom, Hae!” Siwon answers. Donghae has just arrived back from the supermarket and is probably planning on cooking with Siwon. Heechul lets them because then he’ll be left alone to work, although he would rather cuddle with his boyfriend.

Siwon has been staying in Heechul’s flat ever since they came back from China. He insisted on remaining for a while to take care of the house since Heechul left it in shambles, as well as to spend time with his new boyfriend.

Though they haven’t been doing much of that. Not really, at least. Heechul has been working almost all day, for the past week, leaving them with little time. What little they have is taken up by Heechul’s second houseguest. Donghae is pleasant, clean, and Heechul knows that he needs this time away from Eunhyuk.

But he can’t help being jealous.

“Hyung, can we cook now? I bought extra noodle packs so we’ll have leftovers for tomorrow,” Donghae’s voice carries through the apartment. 

“Sure, Hae.” Siwon’s voice is melodic. Heechul wants to hear it right next to his ear, their arms wrapped around each other.

Hell, what is he doing sitting here? He should get some of that!

Heechul tears his headphones off and rushes down to the kitchen, arms outstretched. His dongsaengs are standing in front of the stove, cooking something. Heechul hugs Siwon from behind suddenly, nuzzling his face in his boyfriend’s neck. 

“Chul-!” Siwon shouts abruptly, groaning in pain and disentangling from the embrace. Heechul doesn’t know what he did wrong until he sees Siwon running his fingers under cold water at the sink. Donghae brings a Band-Aid around and covers Siwon’s wound gently. 

Heechul stays frozen in his spot. He only wanted a hug, and he ends up burning his boyfriend. What luck.

“Wonnie, I’m  _ so sorry _ !” Heechul reaches over and grasps the younger’s hand gingerly. 

“It’s okay…” Siwon glances at the youngest, “Thanks, Hae.”

“Welcome,” Donghae’s eyes smile brightly.      

In that moment, there is something that passes between the two that Heechul finds unsettling.

~

Dinner is ready in a few moments. Heechul eats on the living room couch while the others chat at the table; he’s too deep in shame to join them.

A while later, Siwon and Donghae are going to watch a movie on Heechul’s television. The eldest gets up to place his dishes in the sink.

“Which one, Hae?” Siwon sorts through Heechul’s stash of DVDs.

Donghae bounds over to where his hyung is, pointing, “Ah, that one!”

“Great choice!” Siwon looks up at Heechul, who is now standing near the couch, “Want to join us?”

Heechul crinkles his nose, “No thanks. I have work.”

“Suit yourself.” Donghae settles into the couch, pulling his ex-boyfriend to sit next to him.

Ignoring the disappointed look on Siwon’s face, Heechul grunts and goes to his bedroom, holing himself away in conflict. He doesn’t turn the light on or even change out of his clothes; he drops onto the bed and buries his face in his pillow.

Heechul can’t believe what just happened. All he wanted was some measly time with his lover, and he ends up burning Siwon and practically handing him over to his ex. It’s not supposed to be Donghae watching that movie with him— _ Heechul _ is Siwon’s lover! 

Heechul groans. After all this time, they  _ finally _ got together. They have waited so long to be a couple, and they haven’t even been acting like one. They’re supposed to be all lovey-dovey, making love all night and spending every moment with each other.

_ Ah, I’m being idealistic again! _ Heechul scolds himself. He should allow Siwon this time with Donghae, especially if it makes the youngest feel okay again, shouldn’t he?

Why does this jealousy have to be so strong?

Heechul tries to sleep. He really does, but after three hours, his mind is wide awake and the sound from the television is seeping into his bedroom. Grumbling, he gets up for a drink of water.

He passes the living room to reach the kitchen and what he sees sends the green monster of envy wild. The TV is still on, but Siwon and Donghae are fast asleep. The youngest has his head resting on Heechul’s lover’s shoulder, and their fingers are loosely laced. They both look so peaceful.

And so romantic.

Heechul gets red hot. He shakes with anger and rushes into the kitchen to cool off. A glass of tap water would do him some good…

No, he has a few bottles of soju in the fridge. He remembers how often he used to go to them to numb the pain, and he’s going to go to them again.

He downs a whole bottle right away. Then he grabs three more bottles and steals away to his room. 

His room is a safe haven. He has everything he needs here: his cats, his drums, his laptop, his wardrobe, and his bed. And his drinks. Heechul sits on his bed and drinks a second bottle. The soju burns, that familiar numbing fire. 

His eyes catch on the teddy bear that Siwon gave to him all those months ago. Heechul grabs it off of his bedside table and hugs it to his chest in comfort. Then he lies down on his feather pillow with a sigh. 

Things are supposed to be great now; he has finally found someone to love again. They are even  _ living _ together for Pete’s sake. This situation is ideal.

But Donghae...him being here is making Heechul insecure about his relationship with Siwon. It’s almost like the youngest is trying to get his ex back. 

_ No _ . Heechul tells himself firmly. Donghae would never do something like that.

This internal argument is dizzying. Heechul needs a drink to steady himself. He picks up the third bottle of soju, opening it up and lifting it to his lips. 

But there is an insistent voice nagging at the back of his head that sounds suspiciously like Siwon. 

_ “There’s no reason for you to drink, Chullie…” “You know I don’t like it when you drink…” “It’s bad for your health.” _

These words used to infuriate Heechul, make him feel insulted that the younger would have the audacity to comment on his personal habits. 

But now, he doesn’t mind. In fact, Siwon is right. Heechul has spent so long denying how right Siwon has been about him, with regards to his terrible habits...and his need to love himself more.

No matter how many times Siwon has told him that he is perfect and worthy of love, Heechul still feels like garbage. Maybe that’s why Heechul doesn’t deserve such a great man; even when he knows it will help him, he’s too stubborn to accept others’ advice. Especially Siwon’s.

Well, now he’s finally going to give it a try.

He complains when he does it, but Heechul closes the bottle and places it at the end of his bed with the other unopened bottle of soju. Then he lies down with the plush bear in his arms, pulls his covers up to his neck, and closes his eyes.

Sleep takes him by surprise. 

~

At three in the morning, Heechul feels his bed dip and another person crawl in next to him. He opens his eyes slowly, and sees that it is Siwon.

Puffing his cheeks, he turns to face away from the younger. Although he is going to do his best to listen to Siwon’s advice from now on, he still feels mad at him for falling asleep with Donghae in his arms.

A second later, he decides he should have just stayed quiet, because now Siwon knows he is awake. “Chullie?” He lays a hand on Heechul’s waist, “You awake?”

Heechul doesn’t answer. He hears Siwon sigh and sit up. “Were you drinking? Why were you drinking?”

_ Shit. _ The bottles are still at the foot of his bed.

“Hyung…” Siwon lowers himself, leaning over Heechul’s head. “Is something bothering you?”

Heechul keeps his eyes shut tight. Yes, there is something bothering him, but he’s not going to let it show.

“Hyung, I know you’re awake.”  _ Why aren’t you calling me Chullie? _

_ Because Hae is more important, _ the green monster interjects.

Heechul huffs, “What do you want? I thought you were comforting Donghae.”

“He’s asleep on the couch,” Siwon lies down next to him. “I covered him up with a quilt.”

“Hm.” Heechul pouts, still hugging the teddy bear. He scoots closer to the wall to get farther away from Siwon, but his bed isn’t all that wide anyways.

“Chullie…” Heechul feels his boyfriend shift and an arm wraps around his waist. “Is it Hae that’s bothering you?”

Right on the money.

Heechul shrugs, because that’s the truth. It’s not Donghae being here that bothers him; it’s Donghae being here and clinging to Siwon that makes him so jealous.

“Is it because I’m always with him?” Right again. “And not with you?”

Heechul sobs lightly, breaking down. Siwon hugs him tighter, “Hey, hey. Don’t cry. There’s no reason to. It’s not like you’ve lost me; I’m right here.”

“Sorry…” Heechul mumbles, wiping his tears.

“Don’t apologize. Just turn around.”

The elder shuffles around, still holding the stuffed bear in his arms. He hides his face in his lover’s neck, and Siwon kisses the top of his head. “Tell me something.”

“Tell you what?” Heechul mutters.

“Something I don’t know about you…”

The elder wonders what Siwon  _ doesn’t _ know about him. He always seems to be able to read his mind even before Heechul has formed the thought. Maybe something about when Siwon wasn’t here…

“Uhm…” Heechul pulls back and looks at his boyfriend. “I went out on a date with a woman while you were gone.”

Jealousy flares in Siwon’s eyes, “I don’t like the sound of that.”

Heechul grumbles, “Now you know how I feel.”

“Chullie, I’m sorry.” Siwon sighs, brushing some hair out of his lover’s eyes. “Donghae is really lonely, and I don’t mind spending time with him. You understand, right?”

Heechul shrugs, “I think we need to do something. I’m sure Hyukjae is just being stubborn. He can’t possibly have fallen out of love with Hae.”

“I agree.” Siwon nods, yawning, “But can we think about it tomorrow? I’m sleepy...”

“Me too,” Heechul tightens his hold on the bear. “Good night.”

Even though he’s tired, Siwon takes notice. “Is that the bear I gave you before I left?”

Heechul blushes, “Yeah.”

“I can’t believe you kept it. I figured you would have thrown it away.”

“I didn’t. It’s too cute. But if it’s supposed to remind me of you, then you should’ve given me a horse instead.”

Siwon laughs, hugging Heechul to his chest. “Did it comfort you when you spent all of those nights without me?”

“No. I missed you too much.” Heechul admits, punching his lover. “You should’ve called me at least.”

“I’m sorry, Chullie...I was trying to give you the space you needed. Why would I have called you when you were only going to yell at me?”

It’s true. And Heechul is ashamed of it. “Okay, fine. It’s all over now. I’m not mad at you. I thought we moved on from that?”

“We have.” Siwon smiles, kissing the elder’s lips sweetly. “Just do me a favor, Chullie?”

“Hm?”

“Please don’t drink…” Siwon trails off. Heechul is about to retort sarcastically, but he notices that his lover has fallen into deep sleep.

Heechul chuckles, kissing the younger’s cheek and cuddling closer. “I’ll try...Night, Wonnie.”


	18. Growing Pains

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from D&E "Growing Pains"  
> Special Donghae's POV!!

Donghae wakes up on the couch in Heechul’s apartment at ten in the morning, sweaty, alone, and covered in a burgundy quilt. He blinks his bleary eyes at the sun pouring through the windows. Low voices are coming from the kitchen.

He sits up and wipes crust from his eyes. He hasn’t slept _that_ well in a long time; he doesn’t know how he did so on a couch. He also expected to wake up in the arms of his ex-lover, but that’s ridiculous; Siwon has another now.

Heechul and Siwon are made for each other. There is no other way to say it. Heechul’s constant crankiness is complimented by Siwon’s polite demeanor and caring personality. Donghae _knows_ that they are a couple, but it’s still hard for him to believe.

Donghae isn’t in love with Siwon anymore. But he misses him a lot. Their long time apart has made him understand that. He realized it when Heechul complained to Donghae about Siwon being clingy a few months ago. Donghae started really missing Siwon’s clinginess; Eunhyuk only likes to cling on stage. Then he missed other things about his ex.

And Eunhyuk started to notice. Which is why they have been fighting so much.

~

_Donghae was sitting on his desk one week ago, composing a song for fun. Eunhyuk was down the hall taking a shower. A ring sounded and Donghae noted it as his text alert. He picked his phone up and glanced at the person texting: Siwon._

_A smile involuntarily spread across his face. The two of them had recently started talking again, after he had mustered up the bravery to call Siwon while he was filming in Beijing._

_Donghae texted Siwon back, telling him good luck on his last day of shooting. He didn’t hear the door open, nor did he detect his boyfriend entering and staring at Donghae’s phone over his shoulder._

_“You’re talking to Siwon again?”_

_Donghae whirled around in his seat with shock. Eunhyuk had yet to find out whom Donghae had been texting and calling so often lately._

_“Uhm,” Donghae looked away from the elder’s gaze. He shouldn’t feel guilty for talking to Siwon, but somehow this felt like the most sinful thing he could have done._

_Eunhyuk shifted his weight to one leg, crossing his lanky arms. His hair had been dyed platinum blond, and presently it wasn’t styled because he had just gotten out of the shower. Water droplets dripped from it and his makeup free face was as beautiful as it had always been._

_“Well?” Eunhyuk interrupted the younger’s thoughts._

_Donghae blinked, “Uh, yeah. Siwon and I are talking again.” He smiled nonchalantly, “Great, isn’t it?”_

_Eunhyuk shrugged, “I guess…”_

_“What do you mean, ‘I guess’?”_

_The elder huffed and dropped onto their bed. “Well, you’ve been texting him an awful lot lately.”_

_Donghae’s eyes widened. Eunhyuk knew all along? The younger leaned back in his chair, “He’s busy filming. It’s a miracle that he answers anyways. Shouldn’t I respect his messages?”_

_Eunhyuk scratched the back of his neck, “Yeah, but…”_

_“But what?” Donghae crossed his arms._

_“But I don’t like it.” Eunhyuk gritted his teeth, “Don’t text him anymore.”_

_Donghae blinked in disbelief. Siwon was both his and Eunhyuk’s friend, and a fellow bandmate; how could he just stop talking to him? Why would Eunhyuk even suggest that? “No way. That’s rude, Hyuk. You can’t just tell me to stop texting one of my best friends.”_

_“I can if he’s taking you away from me!”_

_Eunhyuk’s words made Donghae feel red hot. He didn’t care to think from his boyfriend’s point of view and realize that he was right. “Taking me away from you?” he seethes, “What do you think I am, some possession? Something that belongs to you like a trophy?”_

_“That’s not what I mean and you know it,” Eunhyuk backpedaled._

_“Well I’m not something you can gain by producing a winning song!”_

_“Hae,” the elder raised his palms up, “please understand me.”_

_“That’s what I’m trying to do! But I don’t get it, Hyuk.” Donghae stood up, towering over seated Eunhyuk. “Why do you want me to stop talking to Siwon? Are you scared he’ll want me back?”_

_Eunhyuk’s fingers gripped the bedsheets. He looked away and mumbled something Donghae couldn’t hear._

_“What did you say?” the younger barked rudely._

_“I said maybe I am!” Eunhyuk shouted with tears in his eyes. He stood up and rushed out of the room, mouth twisted in a grimace._

_Donghae sat back down on his chair, head in his hands. He was angry not only because Eunhyuk didn’t trust him with Siwon, but also because he had been so insecure about the stability of their own relationship. The spark was disappearing, Donghae understood that._

_But he had hoped Eunhyuk wouldn’t notice._

~

Donghae hasn’t told the other two that the real reason why he left was because he didn’t want to ruin their relationship for good. Eunhyuk was making him angry and Donghae couldn’t keep himself from yelling back. If he let things go on any longer, they might have broken up. Donghae doesn’t want that at all. He only wants to rekindle the spark.

He walks towards the kitchen where the lovely couple is having breakfast together. He doesn’t let the weight of his troubles show through; Heechul has been nice enough to let him stay here for a while, and Siwon would want to cling to him all day.

No matter how much Donghae wants it, he won’t let himself have it.

He decides that this has gone on long enough. He misses Siwon, but he _can_ handle himself. He should confront Eunhyuk and tell him how much he still loves him. Donghae doesn’t need to stay here, wallowing, any longer.

“Hyung?” Donghae asks once he enters the kitchen. Siwon is sitting in a chair right next to Heechul, an arm wrapped delicately around his boyfriend. Heechul leans his head into Siwon’s neck, eyes closed and comfortably silent. There are two empty plates in front of them and one full plate of food on the table, ready for Donghae to eat.

“Hm?” Siwon responds distractedly, nuzzling his nose affectionately in Heechul’s long hair. Something must have happened last night; the two of them are suddenly far more affectionate.

“I think I should leave,” Donghae says finally, tugging on his dark brown hair. He picks up the plate and eats from it, standing.

Heechul suddenly opens his eyes, “Hae, wait. We need to tell you something. Sit down.”

Donghae takes a seat. “You’re not gonna tell me that you’re pregnant and I’m your long lost son, are you?”

The other two laugh. “Sounds like you’re in a good mood,” Siwon comments.

“Not really.” The youngest shrugs, taking a bite of rice, “But I got a good night’s sleep.”

“Great,” Heechul says. He lays a hand on one of Donghae’s. “No, I’m not pregnant. But you, on the other hand, are pregnant with worry and trouble. Wonnie and I are going to fix that.”

Donghae raises an eyebrow in confusion. He thought he was going to figure this out on his own, but it seems like the couple is adamant about helping him.

Siwon grins, “We want to make sure that you and Hyuk can rekindle that fire—”

“So we set you up on a date!” Heechul winks. “A romantic, Western-style dinner! Sounds awesome, doesn’t it?”

Donghae blushes, “I suppose. But I don’t think Hyuk will want to go…” Yeah, maybe he’ll just talk to him at home. Maybe he will listen to him there?

“Of course he will!” Heechul crosses his arms, grinning evilly, “I have some blackmail on him. Credits to Wookie who can’t keep his mouth shut, especially around me.”

“Oh,” Donghae purses his lips, considering. Perhaps the romantic mood of a date will make this happen more smoothly.

“Okay, I’ll do it.” He smiles at the couple, and that turns Heechul into a whooping idiot, who runs upstairs to make a phone call.

Siwon chuckles, nudging Donghae, “He was going to make you go no matter what.”

~

When Donghae sees Eunhyuk for the first time in a week, he regrets having worn a simple blazer and jeans.

The jewel prince is seated at a corner table set for two, wearing navy blue slacks and a blazer over a crisp white shirt and black bowtie, gold-speckled loafers on his feet. His hair color has been dyed so that the tips are lavender purple, and his lips are a glossy shade of rose. Donghae’s heartbeat flutters at the sight of Eunhyuk’s handsomeness as he is led by the hostess.

Eunhyuk glances up from his phone once he sees Donghae there, but doesn’t quite meet his eyes. “H-hi…” the elder stutters, “Did Heechul-hyung force you into his scheme too?”

“Yeah, and I couldn’t bring myself to deny. Not when he’s paying for it.” Donghae sits in a gilded chair, “Plus…” he gives a sheepish smile, “you look amazing.”

Eunhyuk blushes immediately, a shade of pink that contrasts with his pale skin. “Thanks. You too…”

The younger waves his hand, “I’m not wearing a fancy bowtie like you.”

“Still nicer than your usual wifebeater,” the other shrugs, glancing at the silverware in front of him, “This is different. Italian, right?”

“Yeah. The last time we went out to eat, it was sushi, wasn’t it?” Donghae says, referring to their last date, which was nearly a month ago.

Eunhyuk adjusts his bowtie, “Mhm.” He looks so delicate tonight, unlike his usually rough street look. If Donghae was ever regretting coming to this date, he is definitely all for it now. In fact, he needs to make this less awkward by apologizing for everything that has happened.

“Hyuk, I—”

“So what are you going to order?” Eunhyuk says, probably not meaning to interrupt, but he has and now Donghae feels awkward again.

“Ah.” Donghae glances down at the menu for the first time tonight, picking a dish that looks delicious but cannot pronounce for his life. “This one,” he points to the picture, showing it to the other.

“Oh, I’ve never tried that one. I’ll share with you?” Eunhyuk asks innocently, but then takes back his words, “I mean, I’ll get one of my own.”

It’s obvious how uncomfortable Eunhyuk is. “Don’t worry, Hyuk. You can share mine.” He closes the menu, “I don’t want Heechul-hyung to pay more than he needs to. Just reserving a table here is expensive.”

“Okay…” Eunhyuk sits back, eyes focused on the lace tablecloth. He pulls his phone back out to check the time, and then puts it away. His eyes have yet to meet Donghae’s.

The silence goes on for a while, and it is awkward, but Donghae doesn’t know how to end it. Here is this beautiful boyfriend of his, and they are on a lovely date, but he can’t seem to find it in him to make conversation with the elder. What would they even talk about?

Oh, right. Apologies.

“Hyuk,” Donghae begins.

“Good evening, sirs,” a young waiter with slicked-back brown hair and sharp eyes appears, “What would you like to order today?”

“Ah, right.” Eunhyuk isn’t fazed by the suddenness of the waiter’s appearance, nor does he seem to have noticed that Donghae was about to say something. “This one right here,” he shows the waiter, “Gnocchi Nicoise.” Donghae is impressed by the elder’s pronunciation, since he isn’t known for being all that great at foreign languages.

“Certainly. Drinks?” The waiter smiles.

“Water is fine,” Donghae answers. Eunhyuk nods in agreement. The waiter nods and leaves the table, and the two men are left in silence again. Donghae tries again.

“Eunhyuk.”

“Donghae,” Eunhyuk says at the same time, finally looking into his eyes. But then he blushes and breaks the eye contact, embarrassed. “Sorry, you first.”

The younger nods, brushing dark hair out of his own eyes. “Hyuk, I’m sorry for the way I’ve been acting.”

“I’m sorry too.” Eunhyuk flips his purple bangs, “I was just worried...that you still love Siwon.”

Donghae shakes his head vigorously, “Hyuk, please believe me when I say that I have _not_ fallen back into love with him.”

The elder crossed his arms, “I _want_ to believe you...but I don’t blame you for wanting him more than me. He would probably take you back in a heartbeat.”

Donghae’s face gets warm. “No, Hyuk. _No._ I don’t want him. I want you.”

Eunhyuk flushes, biting his rosy lips, “No, no. It’s okay. You’ve been spending all week with him; Heechul-hyung told me. It’s fine.”

“Hyukkie, it’s obviously not fine. Please don’t push me away,” Donghae reaches for the elder’s hands, but he cannot grasp them. “Hyuk, I don’t want Siwon anymore. It’s true that I miss him; that I cannot deny. But I don’t want him back. Eunhyuk, please.”

The elder is fighting back tears, nibbling his lips until they bleed. “Then why have you been avoiding me this past month?”

Donghae blinks quickly. “Avoiding you?” If anything, Eunhyuk has been avoiding Donghae.

“Yeah,” the elder wipes his eyes, smudging his eyeliner slightly, “During the end of our concerts, you refused to do skinship with me. And then we haven’t been on a real date for almost a month.”

“What are you talking about?” Donghae is baffled, “You’re the one who refused…”

Suddenly, what Eunhyuk is saying starts to make sense.

Donghae had been really busy composing songs and practicing his script for a new movie that he is going to begin filming in May. He couldn’t be with Eunhyuk all the time; their only time together was onstage during concerts, in which they were busy dancing and singing, and at home before bedtime. On stage, they would do skinship for the fans, but Donghae vaguely remembers spinning out of Eunhyuk’s embrace whenever he was preoccupied with other thoughts. At home, they did have sex, but Donghae wasn’t always one hundred percent in.

And when Siwon started calling and texting, Donghae had one more thing to keep him from spending time with his boyfriend.

Who is he to be complaining? This is all his fault.

Donghae shakes his head, covering his mouth. “Oh, Hyuk…”

Eunhyuk swallows thickly, “Yeah. Did you never notice?”

The younger’s hands go into his dark hair, “Oh my God, I’m so damn stupid!” He yells, and the people around the two start to notice. Luckily, the plate of food arrives just in time.

Eunhyuk picks up his fork and starts to eat, tears not yet fallen and throat thick. Donghae stops him after the first bite, holding his boyfriend’s hands in his own.

“Eunhyuk. Hyung. Babe. I am so so _so_ sorry. I am an idiot and this is all my fault. I am a terrible boyfriend and I can’t believe you have stayed with me all this time.”

A small smile spreads on the elder man’s face. “I don’t believe it either,” he says, “I thought we were losing our spark.”

Donghae holds Eunhyuk’s hands to his own forehead, “No. Today will rekindle the fire, I promise you. Babe, please come back to me.”

“Hae…” the elder tugs his hands away, “People are staring. You don’t want the paparazzi to show up, do you?”

Donghae shakes his head, lowering their hands, “Fine. Let’s eat, then.” He takes a bite of the gnocchi. “Mm. It’s good!”

Eunhyuk nods, “Thanks for ordering it.” They continue to eat, and this time the silence is pleasant. A few minutes later, the plate is empty and their bellies are full to bursting.

“Phew! I’m full.” Donghae pats his tummy, placing the fork down. “Imagine if we got _two_ plates?”

Eunhyuk shakes his head, smiling softly. “Do you know how much I missed you?”

“Couldn’t be away for a week even?” Donghae laughs, enjoying the embarrassed look on his boyfriend’s face.

“Nevermind, I was glad you were gone, you dolt.” He flicks the younger’s forehead.

The waiter comes back to pick up the plates, “Would you like anything for dessert, sirs?”

“No, we’re fine.” Donghae answers.

“Are you sure? Your bill is being paid by a generous Mr. Choi, who insisted you have whatever you like.”

Eunhyuk shakes his head, and the waiter leaves. Donghae glances at his boyfriend, who looks confused. “Siwon is paying for our dinner? I thought Heechul-hyung was.”

Donghae chuckles, “Heechul-hyung is really stingy, so he has Siwon pay for almost everything.” He notices that the elder still looks confused. “Ah, I forgot to tell you that the two of them hooked up a few weeks ago, while Siwon was in China filming. It was a big thing and I guess I didn’t tell you because it never came up.”

The elder nods, “Good. Those two are meant for each other anyways. They should’ve hooked up years ago.”

“That way you could have had me all those years I was with Siwon?” Donghae says slyly.

“You dummy,” Eunhyuk slaps the younger lightly, giggling, “What are we even doing here? Fancy dinners aren’t my thing.”

Donghae shrugs, “It was their suggestion.” He leans his cheek on his hand then, looking into Eunhyuk’s eyes. “But I agree. This isn’t quite my thing either.”

The elder places his fork down, leaning close to the other, “Does Hyung have anything _else_ planned for us?”

Donghae thinks back to his conversation with the couple earlier this morning.

~

_“What about clubbing afterwards?” Heechul had said, “I have a great place in mind; I used to go there all the time.”_

_Siwon chuckled, “Yeah but you never got to the dancing part.”_

_“I know, that’s why I figured who better to send off clubbing than the famous D &E?” Heechul gestured towards the younger, “No one will recognize you there, I promise. That way you can have a night to yourselves as normal human beings, without all the paparazzi and ELF.  You can grind all you want; the owners don’t care. The place is called...” _

~

Discordia.

The place is uncomfortably hot and smells of alcohol when the two first arrive by cab, but somehow remains enticing and clean. Not a single person pays any mind to them when they enter, hand-in-hand and looking like they just went to a ball.

Neither of them normally drinks much more than a single bottle of soju, so Donghae knows they won’t be in Discordia for long.

What he doesn’t know is exactly why they leave so early.

The music is unfamiliar, but a booming bass sound drives the couple to the dancefloor and they start dancing to it. They don’t put their all into the dancing, for fear that their style may be recognized by the other clubgoers, but eventually they stop caring. Eunhyuk dances near Donghae, but not touching him. His hips sway seductively, and the younger’s eyes are so glued to him that he unconsciously stops dancing at some point.

“Hae…” Eunhyuk leans over and whispers in his boyfriend’s ear, “You stopped dancing. Don’t stop.” He places a hand on the younger’s waist, urging him to move.

Donghae responds by gripping the sides of Eunhyuk’s blazer at his hips and bringing their chests together. He whispers in the same, seductive fashion that Eunhyuk did, “Like this?”

Eunhyuk shivers minutely, so that Donghae is the only one who can tell. He doesn’t say anything, but places his palms on the younger’s forearms and slides a leg between Donghae’s, only slightly. They swing their hips and bounce in tune with the pounding music, hardly taking their eyes off of each other. The music thrums with the beat of Donghae’s heart, making him lose himself in the motions. The elder man looks incredible up close; his purple hair sticks to his forehead with sweat, his dark eyes are hooded with concentration, his skin is milky and flawless, and his plush, glossy lips are positively ravishing.

Donghae can barely fight the desire he feels building inside of him. Once Eunhyuk licks his lips, poking his pink tongue out for a mere moment, that desire takes over. Donghae leans forward, connecting their lips for the first time in a while. He can feel the elder trembling, so he embraces him more tightly, forcing their bodies closer together.

“H-Hae…” Eunhyuk breathes out once he breaks the hot kiss, “This isn’t exactly a good place to be doing this. There are so many people.”

“They’re not looking,” Donghae captures the elder’s lips in a kiss once more. Their lips meld perfectly; Eunhyuk’s full ones are luscious and red, and Donghae’s are loving and hungry. The kisses make the younger’s heart race and his head swims in lust.

“Babe, you’re so delicious,” Donghae whispers, “I miss this so much.”

“Mmm...Me too. But can we go back home?”

“Why?” Donghae asks, running his hands down to the small swell of his boyfriend’s ass and pressing their groins together.

“Oh, God, Hae…” Eunhyuk groans, breathing hotly over Donghae’s lips. “I-I need you…”

Donghae tugs on Eunhyuk’s hair, making his head tilt backwards, “I need you too…”

~

Their apartment is near Heechul’s, so it isn’t that far away from Discordia. A few hot and uncomfortable minutes in a cab full of stolen kisses and thigh gropes later, they arrive at their first-floor flat.

Eunhyuk’s key barely makes in into the keyhole before Donghae’s hands and lips are all over him. The door shuts behind the elder’s back as his boyfriend presses him up against it.

“Donghae~” Eunhyuk moans breathily, wrapping one leg around the other’s waist.

“Hyuk…” Donghae sucks on the elder’s neck, grinding their hips together.

“Ahh~” Eunhyuk moans, eyes shut tight and back arched. His hips buck unconsciously, sending a shiver up Donghae’s back.

Donghae groans, “Babe, you’re so beautiful…” He reaches in between them to unbutton Eunhyuk’s slacks.

Eunhyuk whines when he feels the other pulling away. Donghae kneels down to slide the elder’s pants off, taking his boxers with them. The elder’s erect cock stands in front of his face. Before Eunhyuk can object, Donghae takes the head into his mouth and sucks gently.

“D-Donghae!” The elder shudders.

Donghae rubs the other’s thighs sensually, and then swallows his boyfriend’s length more deeply. He hums around it, making Eunhyuk’s hands shoot into his dark hair and tug. “More, Hae! Harder!”

The younger man sucks more harshly, saliva dripping and Eunhyuk’s member throbbing inside of his mouth. He reaches between the elder’s legs and runs a few fingers along his perineum, forcing Eunhyuk’s breath to come out of him in a rush. Donghae reaches farther back to finger his boyfriend’s hole gently, not aiming to enter, only to tease.

“Ah, Hae! I’m going to cum!” Eunhyuk shouts, pulling on the younger’s hair.

Donghae sucks harder, bobbing up and down. He hollows out his cheeks, driving his boyfriend over the edge. Eunhyuk screams in pleasure, slamming his head on the apartment door behind him.

Donghae swallows almost all, but the rest drips down his chin and over Eunhyuk’s wilting length. The younger wipes his own lips of his boyfriend’s cum, and then stands up to kiss the elder. Eunhyuk returns the kiss, but pulls away abruptly.

“Dude...you just blew me,” Eunhyuk smirks a half-smile, still breathing hard.

“Sorry,” Donghae grins, “Your lips are too irresistible.” He caresses the back of his boyfriend’s head, “It felt that good? You hit your head.”

The elder hums pleasantly, “Yeah, I’m okay...Now it’s my turn to fuck you.”

The younger snorts, “Who said I’m going to let you?”

“Me,” Eunhyuk whispers and then drags Donghae into the bedroom down the hall, tossing him onto the bed. He shoves the younger’s shirt upwards, and then attacks his nipples.

Donghae giggles, “Hyukkie, that tickles!”

The elder looks up, pouting, “It doesn’t feel good?”

The dark-haired man snorts, grasping his boyfriend’s face, “You know very well that you’re not allowed to do that to me.” He kisses the elder, sucking on his plump bottom lips, “It feels amazing, babe. But…” Donghae flips over so that he is leaning over Eunhyuk. “I like it this way better.”

The purple-haired young man purses his lips, eyebrows knit in disapproval. Then he rolls his eyes and relents. “Fine, Hae. I’ll let you do me. Tonight only.”

Donghae smirks and smooches his boyfriend’s cheek, “We’ll see.” He slips his tongue into Eunhyuk’s mouth and grips the muscle of his thighs, raising them up. “Mm...Hyukkie, I love you.”

The elder smiles widely, showing off his adorable gums. “Love you too, Hae.”

Moments later, when Donghae is buried deep inside his lover, he knows that this time he is there for Eunhyuk, one hundred percent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for being late. i got busy and had camp to attend. no wifi lol. thanks for the read!


	19. A Magician

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “The sexy girl I’ve seen on TV when I was young  
> Next to her is a magician” ~ Eunhyuk, Kangin, “Magic”

  


As soon as Donghae leaves, Siwon and Heechul are all over each other. They don’t care for the possibility that the youngest may chicken out on the date and come back immediately, or that Eunhyuk won’t be there, forcing Donghae to come back a bit later.

They would rather spend time in each other’s arms, fully naked and minds mostly empty.

Heechul needs to wash away the bad feelings of jealousy that Donghae’s time here has brought on, to reaffirm that Siwon is his alone. So when Siwon offers to make love to him all day and night to compensate, there is no reason for Heechul to reject his lovely offer.

“Ah!” Heechul shouts, back arched with a third climax. Siwon’s breath is hot and moist against the elder’s face as he finishes inside of his lover, groaning in that irresistible baritone voice of his.

Heechul’s chest heaves. He adjusts the pillow beneath his head, looking up at the handsome face of his boyfriend. Siwon has his eyes closed tight and thick eyebrows knit, still riding out the end of his high. Heechul can feel him move inside of him, and the motions send shivers throughout his body.

“Wonnie…” the elder murmurs, caressing his lover’s cheek. He wipes the sweat from the younger’s forehead and temples, running his slim fingers through Siwon’s wet hair. 

Heechul feels Siwon sliding out of him slowly. He tugs on the younger’s hair and pulls him down for a kiss. Heechul couldn’t possibly count how many kisses they have shared this evening; every single one is passionate and magical. And perfect.

Heechul sucks on his boyfriend’s tongue, a flavor he will never get tired of. Their bodies stick together with sweat and cum, warm and thumping with the synchronized beats of their hearts. They have been at this for a few hours: lying in each other’s arms and kissing softly in between rounds of sex. They tried different positions, but ended up coming back to missionary. This way, they could see each other’s faces and kiss easily, labeling it their favorite position for making love. Heechul could continue like this for a few hours more.

“Chullie…” Siwon whispers, lifting up only slightly and resting their sweaty foreheads together. “My Princess.”

Heechul blushes. Siwon has been moaning “Princess” far more often tonight than he ever did the last time they made love. “Hm?”

“Love you so much,” the younger closes his eyes briefly, his breathing slowly returning to normal.

“I love you too.” Heechul rests his hands on Siwon’s taut ass, “Are you willing for another round, or do you want to stop?”

The younger kisses the tip of his lover’s nose. “Whatever you want, baby.”

Heechul smirks, brushing his long hair back from his eyes with his fingers. “I could go for one more.”

Siwon smiles sweetly, “Of course.” He leans down and sucks on the elder’s plump lips, letting his rough hands roam all over Heechul’s pale chest.

Heechul arches into his lover’s tough, letting his eyelids fall shut. His own hands wander down to Siwon’s cock, stroking it gently. The younger man moans into their kiss and reaches one of his hands down to fondle Heechul’s member as well. The elder shudders, nipping on his lover’s thin bottom lip.

“Siwon…” Heechul’s breathing becomes rapid as his boyfriend’s strokes quicken. He tries to match Siwon’s motions on his cock, drawing out ragged, lustful breaths from his younger lover.

“Princess…” Siwon murmurs against the elder’s red lips, kissing them messily.

Heechul can feel it: that build up of pleasure that he can only feel when he’s near this very man. He knows that this is a fast climax, but he wants to cum so badly.

“Wonnie, please enter me...quickly...” he says, lifting his thighs up to expose his entrance.

Siwon nods, unable to respond due to him feeling the same desire that Heechul is. He releases his hand from the elder’s cock and uses it to align himself correctly into his lover. Siwon then pushes in, moving one hand under Heechul’s left knee and the other right at the small of Heechul’s back where it belongs.

A moment later, once Heechul kisses him, Siwon starts moving. He is gentle throughout, but somehow passionate and driven at the same time. He can’t possibly break his lover, physically or emotionally, making him absolutely perfect for Heechul.

Heechul needs this reaffirmation every single minute. He needs to know that Siwon may be like Hankyung, but he  _ isn’t _ Hankyung, and he never will be. Siwon is far too caring, far too careful, and entirely Heechul’s. Donghae’s attachment to Siwon doesn’t mean what it used to, nor will it ever mean that as long as Heechul is by Siwon’s side.

A loud moan escapes Heechul once his lover rams into his prostate, and he can feel the wave rising, about to crash. Siwon’s breathing is rough, and sweat is dripping down his body. Both of them are so close to the end, for the fourth time today. So very close.

Suddenly, “Butterfly” by BTS starts blaring from Heechul’s bedside table. The two jump in shock, pausing only momentarily, but enough to deny their climaxes. Then Siwon continues his undulations.

“Wonnie…” Heechul moans, “What if it’s Hae? He could be in trouble.” He reaches over, grasping his phone in his slender hand, but he’s too late and the ringtone finishes playing. 

Siwon traps his hand where it is. “You really want me to stop in the middle of this? Just call him back in a minute.”

“Okay…” the elder whispers. Siwon relaxes his grip, allowing Heechul to place his phone next to the pillow. Then he rests his palms on his younger lover’s shoulders, losing himself to the motions.

“Butterfly” starts blasting in his ear this time. Whomever is calling is very determined.

“Ignore it,” Siwon whispers in his boyfriend’s ear. His thrusts grow lazy and ragged.

The song ends and then rings again. Heechul is getting very annoyed now. With Siwon thrusting into him, he brings the phone to his ear and answers the call without bothering to check the caller ID.

“H-hello?” Heechul asks, trying to keep his voice steady. He expects this to be a quick call, but it’s still risky. 

“Chullie?” No, no,  _ no. Not now!  _ “Please don’t hang up.” 

Heechul’s face must give everything away because Siwon pauses his movements in shock. The younger gives him a worried, anxious look. The pleasure of their position is all but gone with the sinking feeling in the pit of Heechul’s stomach.

“W-who is this?” He knows who the voice belongs to; he just doesn’t want to admit it. Heechul thought Hankyung would never call again, and this is the absolute worst time. Siwon is gesturing for him to hang up but Heechul can only focus on that awful feeling of dread. 

“It’s me. Listen, I want to tell you that I miss you.” 

_ He misses me? After all these years? _ Heechul scoffs in his head. Siwon has stopped motioning for him to hang up and has started doing something else instead: kissing hickeys all over Heechul’s body to distract him.

Hankyung continues, “I have been doing some thinking lately and I miss our time together.” Goddamn him. There’s no way he’ll say…

”And I think I want to get back with you.” _There’s no fucking way._ _What the hell is he talking about?_ “I know it’s been quite a few years, but the last times we talked had me really messed up.” 

Heechul doesn’t answer. Not only is he absolutely baffled with the words Hankyung is speaking, but Siwon has slid back into him again, with no care that Heechul is still on the phone. The younger man is essentially ignoring Hankyung and continuing their sessions without a moment of hesitation.

Heechul’s face starts feeling feels red hot, for two reasons now. His breaths come out in bursts and his heartbeat races; he pulls the phone farther from his lips so that his ex-lover cannot hear anything. “What are you talking about, Geng?” he barks.

“You finally respond,” Heechul can almost hear the smirk on Hankyung’s face, “Well I mean exactly that. I want to hook up with you again. You couldn’t possibly have been serious when you said you loved  _ Siwon _ , could you?”

_ Who the hell does he think he is to be telling me who I can and can’t love? _ Of  _ course _ Heechul loves Siwon; in fact, the very man is making love to him right this moment. He rests his free hand on the younger’s bare, muscular shoulder, catching his eyes for a moment. Siwon’s expression is lustful, yet loving; he smiles softly at Heechul and bends down to kiss his neck while still moving inside him.  _ Yes, this is the man I love. _

“You damn idiot.” Heechul says to Hankyung, ending the formalities. He controls his quivering voice as much as he can. “O-of course I love him! I would n-never go back to you!” 

Hankyung sounds confused, as if he can’t comprehend what Heechul is saying. “No, no. What are you saying? You still love me—”

“Aah~!” Heechul moans unconsciously. The sensations are becoming too strong. “Siwon, cut it ou—Ah! I’m trying to—”

“Chullie, what are you doing?” Hankyung demands gruffly.

“Trying to yell at you for-—Ahh~!” Heechul pounds on Siwon’s shoulder, ”being such a shithead! But this damn horse can’t control his fucking dick!”

At that, Hankyung goes silent, but doesn’t hang up the phone; Heechul can just barely hear him breathing. 

“Give me the phone,” Siwon holds his hand out.

“I can scold him myself,” Heechul pouts, but when his lover thrusts into him at an angle just right, he gives in. The cell phone drops into Siwon’s hand as Heechul arches his back into him, losing himself to the pleasure. He doesn’t have to hold back now.

Siwon slows only in the slightest as he speaks to Heechul’s ex. “Hankyung. I know you and I were on good terms before, but no such friendship exists if you’re trying to get back with Heechul whom you left broken and alone!” His voice is passionate and strong; it doesn’t waver at all. “He’s my lover now! So you better delete this number right away and forget about Heechul because I will never,  _ ever _ let him go, especially not if you’re going to try to take him back and treat him like trash!”

Heechul’s eyes are glazed as he watches Siwon hang up and toss the phone onto the carpet below the bed. “Wow,” he whispers.

The younger man smirks, combing his hair back with his fingers. Then he places his hands back where they belong and finishes them both off.

Breaths escaping rapidly, Siwon lies down next to Heechul. They both keep their eyes closed, coming down from their respective highs. Then the elder cuddles up to his boyfriend’s side, resting a hand on his tan chest gently.  

“I could have told him to fuck off on my own, you know.” Heechul grins, walking his fingers around Siwon’s chest.

“I know.” The younger smiles softly, grasping his lover’s hand and squeezing it. “But it was personal. He made me so mad, even before.” He laces their fingers together and lifts their hands up to stare at. “I saw him once in Beijing, and by the way he talked about you I could tell he had unresolved feelings...I really hated that.”

Heechul brings their hands down and kisses Siwon’s knuckles, “Well I hope you realize that I never had any intentions to get back together with him, no matter what happened between you and me.” His smile is reminiscent and solemn. “Hankyung left without telling me and that broke any trust I ever had in him.”

Detecting Heechul’s distress, Siwon leans over to kiss his boyfriend. He caresses his rosy cheek with the back of one hand when he pulls back. “I loathed what he did to you. And I had to fix it,” Siwon says adamantly.

Heechul smiles gratefully. “Thank you, Wonnie.”

“For what?” Siwon says, as if what he did was nothing, hooking his arm around his lover’s waist.

Heechul kisses his nose, “For loving me, I guess. But you know, I still don’t understand how you could have possibly fallen for me.” 

Siwon hums, pressing their foreheads together, “Don’t question it anymore. I love you for a billion reasons. Your plump lips. Your sharp tongue. That contagious cackle of yours.”

Heechul can’t help but chuckle, “You like my stupid laugh?”

Siwon nods, kissing his cheek, “I also like how your ears turn pink when you blush. And how you whine when you want me to hold you.”

Heechul hums pleasantly, “Anything more?”

“Everything about you, I love.” The younger holds his lover close, whispering, “My Princess…”

Heechul sighs as his boyfriend captures him in yet another kiss. Their tongues clash and their lips mash until both are swollen and red. Heechul doesn’t want to stop, nor does he want to go further. Kissing like this expresses all of their feelings in a way words cannot.

When the two of them separate, everything feels perfect again, as if Hankyung never called.

Heechul runs his fingers through Siwon’s black hair, “Look at us. We’re so messy.”

Siwon snorts, “Well, that’s what happens when you make love all day.”

The elder grins, shaking his head in embarrassment. He reaches over the edge of his bed to pick up his phone. “If it’s broken, you owe me a new one.”

Siwon chuckles, “I made sure it fell on the carpet.”

“Even in a fit of rage, you are obnoxiously careful,” Heechul rolls his eyes. His phone is alive and he makes sure to block the number Hankyung has been calling from. Then he opens up the camera app.

Heechul lies back down with his head on his lover’s shoulder and his phone held above them. “Smile, darling,” he says. Siwon smiles and the elder snaps a photo.

The photo is completely authentic; it does not hide their shiny lips, their disheveled hair, the sweat beads on their necks, the still-glazed look in their eyes, and their naked chests. 

Somehow, the camera has even managed to capture how much the two love each other.

“So when are you going to tell me what it is you love about me?” Siwon asks and Heechul cannot tell if he’s joking or not.

“That’s for another day,” the elder winks.

“Aw, no fair!” Siwon pouts like a child, which has Heechul rolling around in laughter. Siwon traps him in his arms, knees pulled up to his chest. Then he reaches down and grabs the blankets, covering the both of them up. “Good night, Chullie.”

“Night.” Heechul leans his head under his lover’s chin, enjoying the warmth of his neck. He closes his eyes, trying to sleep. But his heart continues to race. 

He wants to see Siwon’s face again, but he can hear the soft, slow breathing of the younger falling off to sleep, so he remains where he is. The elder smiles to himself.

Heechul doesn’t know why he ever denied Siwon’s love for him. Instead of rejecting him, Heechul should have realized that his own feelings for the other were growing at an exponential rate. Now, those feelings have completely taken over.

Heechul loves Siwon’s everything as well. He loves his strange quirks, like how he always has to have a cup of coffee and the newspaper in his hand each morning. He loves his handsome face, especially those stupid eyebrows. He loves his big, rough hands with fingers that fit perfectly in between Heechul’s. He even loves when his beard starts growing out.

Heechul will never,  _ ever _ get tired of this man’s magic. Nor will he ever let him go.


	20. A Devil

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “You burn up my throat, you’re a devil, so hot” ~ everyone, “Devil”

About a month later, Heechul wakes up at nine in the morning to the wide eyes of his two cats. Cherry meows at him and Heebum licks his chin, and then they both hop off of his face as he sits up.

“What is it?” he asks them, and then realizes that his cell phone is ringing. He answers it with a yawn, “Hello?”

“Heenim, I hope you haven’t forgotten,” says an annoyed voice whom he recognizes as Leeteuk.

“Forgotten what?” Heechul yawns again, waving and smiling at his boyfriend who enters the room with a tray of breakfast in hand.

“Ah, of course you have. You’re too busy with that Siwon of yours,” Leeteuk comments.

“I’m not going to deny that,” Heechul kisses his boyfriend’s prickly cheek.

“Well, as long as you’re happy…” Leeteuk sighs, “Now, you better wash up and get your ass to SM in one hour because we have a party to prepare.” 

“Party?” Heechul asks, and Siwon raises an eyebrow at him.

“Kyu’s homecoming party!” 

~

It takes Heechul nearly an hour to get ready, so he’s lucky to find that there is no traffic on the roads. Siwon and he went in different directions; Siwon to meet Yesung at the restaurant where they will host the reunion, and Heechul to SM headquarters where a few of the Super Junior members are.

They planned this party months ago, but time crept up on them and the only thing that is ready for tonight is the banquet hall reservation. Decorations need to be bought and set up, the cake needs to be purchased and hand-decorated, and Kyuhyun needs to be picked up from the train station at 5 o’clock.

The members decided to arrange this all by themselves; no managers, friends, or family play a part in this. This party is entirely by and for Super Junior, reunited as thirteen once again.

Heechul pulls into the SM headquarters parking lot at ten thirty. He locks his cerulean convertible and starts walking to the entrance. He combs out his long hair with his fingers, and then pulls it up in a high ponytail. The outfit he has chosen for the reunion is absolutely Heechul-esque: white sneakers, black-and-white flower-patterned jeggings, a pink top tucked into his belt, and a tiara headband to add a bit of sparkle.

Leeteuk greets him at the front door and ushers him into a meeting room where some of the others are. Kangin, Shindong, Sungmin, and Ryeowook are sitting around a table, writing on a big piece of cardstock. Leeteuk thanks Heechul for coming, and leaves to get something important, saying he’ll be right back.

“Hey, guys,” Heechul smiles. “So I hear it’s mission central around here. Teukie-hyung seems all stressed out.”

Kangin snorts, picking up a green Sharpie, “Yeah, he wouldn’t even let me have him this morning.”

Heechul wishes he hadn’t heard that.

Ryeowook sticks out his tongue at the elder, “Is that all you think about Kangin-hyung? Teukie-hyung is only like this because everything is a mess.” He is drawing a giraffe with an orange marker. At least, that’s what Heechul thinks it is. 

“Mess?” Heechul raises an eyebrow, taking a seat next to Shindong, who is diligently writing a letter on the poster. “We’re just not prepared, that’s all. Everything should be okay in a few hours.” 

“No, it’s a disaster.” Kangin shakes his head, “First, we aren’t even party-ready. Then, those horny idiots Donghae and Eunhyuk decide to fly off to Hawaii for a vacation for who knows how long. And now, Henry and Zhoumi are missing!”

“Missing?” Heechul parrots, in disbelief that he doesn’t know what has been going on with his fellow band members and family. He has been so occupied with Siwon, the new M&D album, and his MC jobs to bother paying attention.

Sungmin speaks up from his seat at the end of the table, “Well, they were supposed to arrive from China this morning, but we haven’t heard from them yet. We think they’re running late. Maybe their flight even got canceled.”

“Wouldn’t Henry have called me if they can’t make it?” Ryeowook pouts, clearly in distress.

“Why would he call you?” Shindong scoffs, “You dumped him when he left a few weeks ago.”

Heechul stares at Ryeowook in surprise. He knew that Ryeowook had chosen Henry and has been going out with him, but he didn’t know that they broke up! “You two split up? Wook-ah, how am I supposed to be your love consultant if you never tell me anything?”

Ryeowook blushes. He presses his lips into a line, stands up with tears in his eyes, and leaves the room in a rush.

“Did I say something wrong?” Heechul looks back and forth between the men who shrug.

“He’s been very touchy about it recently,” Shindong comments, “They broke up two weeks ago. None of us know what happened, so don’t be expecting many answers.” Kangin and Sungmin nod, indicating that they know nothing as well.

Heechul considers asking Ryeowook about it later, when he has calmed down and the situation with Henry and Zhoumi has been resolved.

“Here, Heenim.” Leeteuk arrives with a big plastic box and an aqua photo album in hand. “This is what I need you to do.”

“Put photos in an album?” Heechul snickers, “Piece of cake. What for?”

“For Kyuhyun.” Leeteuk opens the box, revealing stickers, letters, and patterned paper. “And it’s a scrapbook, so I want you to decorate it. I would do it myself, or have Wook do it, but I’m busy and he looked stressed when he passed me in the hall. Did you say something to him?”

Heechul rubs his nose, “No.”

Leeteuk snorts in disbelief, “I assume you mentioned Henry. Please don’t. Now, to work.” He gestures to the others, “Is the poster finished?” Kangin nods, and his boyfriend continues, “Okay then. Shindong, Sungmin, please find Wook and get going on the cake with him. Youngwoon-ah, please come with me. Yesung and Siwon need help decorating.”

They all exit the room and leave Heechul alone with his thoughts. What he thought was going to be a great party is turning into somewhat of a disaster.

_ It’s okay. Kyuhyun will still come home and we’ll eat dinner and we’ll give him this amazing scrapbook that I’m about to make! Right? _

Heechul loves drawing and decorating, but he can get bored fairly easily. He needs someone or something to keep him motivated; Siwon comes to mind first, but he’s too busy at the moment.

A short brunet passes the doorway and Heechul knows that Ryeowook has come back, only to discover that the single person left is the one who essentially drove him away.

“Wook-ah?” Heechul calls, “Hey, I’m sorry!”

Ryeowook backtracks and pokes his head into the room. There are still tears in his eyes, so he tries to rub them away with his fist.

Heechul gets up and walks over to his dongsaeng, wrapping his arms around him. “It’s okay, Wookie. Please don’t cry.”

Ryeowook sniffles into Heechul’s shoulder, careful not to wet his pink shirt. “I’m trying. But I’m really frustrated. I only dumped Henry-ah because I still have feelings for Yesung-hyung…”

Heechul figured this would happen. He reestablishes his position as love consultant and tries to reason. “Do you like Henry-ah also?”

Ryeowook pouts and nods his head, “But he’s always with Amber now. I think he might start dating her now that we’ve split.”

Heechul snorts, “They’re best friends, aren’t they? It’s normal to hang out a lot.”

“I guess, but I don’t like it.”

“Well, you’re jealous.” Heechul smiles, “But maybe it’s a good thing. Maybe it’s trying to tell you to try it out with Jongwoon-ah, and see how it goes.”

“How did you connect all that?” Ryeowook questions.

“Wook, I have magic powers.” Heechul jokes, sitting down in a chair, “Just trust me. Jongwoon likes you to the ends of this earth and I don’t think the time you spent dating another man has changed his feelings.”

Ryeowook shrugs, sitting in another, “I guess I could try...But what about Henry? He still likes me, I think.”

“We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it, probably tonight when they arrive.”

Ryeowook taps his fingers on the tabletop, “Hyung, I don’t think Henry is coming. Their flight should have arrived four hours ago.”

“Did you try tracking the flight?” Heechul asks.

Ryeowook’s eyes widen and he shakes his head, “No one thought of it. Teukie-hyung was too stressed that they weren’t here yet. Let me try checking.” He pulls out his phone and searches for the flight, eyebrows knitted together in determination. 

While Ryeowook is busy, the elder opens the empty photo album and sees that he has a ton of work to do. A Ziploc freezer bag of photos is in the box as well; Leeteuk has allocated so many old and new photos that Heechul isn’t sure they will all fit in the scrapbook.

“Oh my God, I found it!” Ryeowook shouts, “The original flight got delayed by an hour, but that plane had to suddenly stop about halfway because it was breaking down! They must have transferred flights.” 

“Check for flights leaving from the halfway point. Maybe we can estimate their arrival time,” Heechul suggests and Ryeowook nods.

Heechul starts categorizing the photos as best he can; some of them he has never seen before. Leeteuk was diligent and gracious enough to write the dates and places on the back of most of them.

“Okay,” Ryeowook says, “The only recent flight coming here is arriving in...twenty minutes, about.”

“It’ll take more than an hour to get to SM. We should expect them at…” Heechul checks the clock behind his head on the wall, “Twelve thirty. We can try calling them before that.”

“I’ll do it.” Ryeowook smiles softly, “I need to try talking to Henry anyways.”

Heechul nods, “Of course. Now, I believe you have a cake to attend to?”

“Oh, gosh!” Ryeowook scrambles away, “Thank you, Heechul-hyung!”

“Always welcome.” Heechul likes feeling needed. He forgot how close he and the other members used to be; recently it’s been Siwon only. This reunion should patch up all their relationships and fix the band for good. Hopefully.

Heechul looks down at the table with a determined look on his face and gets to work. He finishes organizing the photos into categories: Sungmin’s wedding, silly photos, pre-debut, old pictures with Hankyung and Kibum in them, couple photos, behind-the-scenes for their music videos, et cetera. Then he fills up the photo album with patterned and colorful paper, making it as sparkly as possible. He tapes in the pictures and decorates each page with words, drawings, and stickers, making this scrapbook as Super Junior-esque as possible. He puts a little bit of every single one of them in there, from his own 4D personality, to Ryeowook’s innocence, to Henry’s chipmunk cheeks. He makes sure he has Siwon’s charm, Shindong’s humor, Yesung’s passion, and Sungmin in bunny ears. He sprinkles in a bit of Zhoumi’s diva, Kangin’s manly looks, Eunhyuk’s gullibility, Donghae’s puppy-dog eyes, and Leeteuk’s eternal youth. Some pages have the photogenic smile of Kibum, or the charisma of Hankyung. And the last few pages are all about the evil of Cho Kyuhyun: photos of him pulling pranks on every single member, with the same mocking expression each time.

Kyuhyun is the real devil here. Always the evil maknae, he has been torturing everyone he comes into contact with for his entire life. It’s hell being around Kyuhyun, but the members of Super Junior would also be nothing without him. They have been thankful towards him ever since he joined the band, and he definitely deserves this scrapbook as a treasure of their time together.

It takes Heechul up until the last minute to complete this masterpiece of a scrapbook. He only stops to text Ryeowook back when he says that Zhoumi and Henry have arrived, and to get a glass of water. By five o’clock, everything is falling into place.

Well, almost everything.

“Where the fuck are Donghae and Eunhyuk?” Kangin swears. They have all gathered in the impressively-decorated banquet hall, and there are only nine members. Leeteuk went to pick Kyuhyun up from the train station, and the EunHae couple is still missing.

“Someone call them!” Sungmin shouts. “Teukie-hyung and Kyu are on their way right now!”

Siwon pulls out his phone, dialing Donghae’s number. Heechul stands next to him, listening in to their call. Donghae picks up immediately, “Hyung?”

“How fast can you get on a plane?” Siwon asks.

“Hyung, we’re not in Hawaii anymore. Calm down. Hyuk is driving us to the restaurant.”

“Oh,” Siwon says, making Heechul chuckle.  _ So we were worried for nothing. _ “Well, then, hurry up. Kyuhyun is almost here.”

“On our way!” Eunhyuk’s voice sounds; he must have grabbed Donghae’s phone, “Traffic is bad, though. We might run a bit late.” 

“Whatever,” Heechul leans over and says into the phone, “Just hurry!” Then Eunhyuk hangs up.

“They’re in Seoul. Driving here.” Siwon tells the others, who are helping the waiters set up the table.

“Are you telling me that they’re going to be late to my party?” A melodic voice that Heechul has not heard for two years sounds from the banquet doorway. Everyone turns towards it, and the rest is a blur of hugging and happy tears. Heechul finds himself hugging Ryeowook’s back instead, which is okay since the boy needs a hug as well. When he finally gets his hands on Kyuhyun, he ruffles his hair and kisses his cheek affectionately. 

The maknae cringes, “Hyung, ew!” 

Heechul chuckles, as do the others. Leeteuk wraps an arm around Heechul’s shoulders, “Shall we eat now?”

“Yeah, I’m hungry!” Shindong says, rubbing his belly, and then laughs along with the other members.

“You’re always hungry!” Kangin comments, “But me too! Let’s eat!”

The members sit down and await to be served by the restaurant staff. At every single moment, someone is talking to Kyuhyun. Heechul pokes fun at him when he mentions that Changmin called as soon as his train arrived. The TVXQ! member who had finished his service at the same time that Siwon did has been visiting Kyuhyun throughout the past two years as often as possible. Heechul would have barfed from the sweetness of Changmin’s acts, but he has learned to adore stuff like that. He gives Siwon a side glance once the maknae mentions the visits.

The wide assortment of food arrives right as the lovely and late couple does. Eunhyuk and Donghae enter the room sheepishly, like they’re hoping no one will make fun of them for being late on such an important day. They should know better than to expect that; once they walk in, every member has a few choice words to share.

Donghae sits down in the empty seat next to Heechul, and Eunhyuk next to him. Donghae gives Heechul an apologetic smile, and the elder musses his perfectly styled hair as an answer.

As everyone eats, Heechul takes a survey of his fellow band members. Eunhyuk and Donghae converse with the others about the wonders of their tropical paradise vacation in Hawaii, deeply-in-love smiles on their faces. Leeteuk and Kangin have playful moments throughout the meal in which they hold hands or lean on each other’s shoulders, all arguments forgotten. The two of them used to fight a lot—about what, Heechul doesn’t know—but now that their last child has come home, they are all smiles.

Some of the other members have big news. Shindong is finally engaged to his girlfriend, a lovely woman he has been dating for the past two years. Zhoumi and his fiancee have finalized their wedding plans and will send out invitations soon. And Sungmin is soon going to be a father! Super Junior cheers at each announcement, getting more rowdy every time.

Heechul is astounded by the changes that have occurred in the past few months. Changes in their situations, relationships, and even personalities. Siwon has had a huge effect on Heechul’s own self, and he cannot imagine how he would be now had those changes not happened.

Heechul reaches under the table and grasps his lover’s hand. Siwon glances at him, but not in question. He squeezes the elder’s hand with no hesitation.

Heechul smiles to himself. Then he looks up and his eyes catch Leeteuk’s stare. The leader nudges his head towards the table in the corner of the room to signal that it’s about time for Kyuhyun’s gift. 

Heechul nods and stands up, “Okay, guys! It’s time for presents!”

“Presents?” Kyuhyun asks, a perfect eyebrow raised, “Is it my birthday?”

“No,” Heechul reaches under the table in the corner, “But the members and I have been generous enough to make you something anyways.”

He pulls out the decorated poster board and the aqua scrapbook, and hands them both to Kyuhyun. “Welcome back to the Super Junior family.” 

Kyuhyun looks up at him with wide eyes, actually surprised that they made something for him. He blinks quickly and takes the scrapbook first. The outside of it is covered in shiny stickers, done by Ryeowook and Henry as they made up and agreed to be friends before the party started.

“Did you all make this?” He asks.

Leeteuk answers for Heechul, “Heenim made it, mostly. The rest of us decorated a little bit, but it’s truly all him.”

Heechul smirks, “Yup, it’s all me.” 

Kyuhyun then slowly opens the album and looks through each page with a sort of wonder that he should have lost when he turned thirty. He looks like he is fighting back a few tears, but Heechul cannot tell because the “Thank you, Heechul-hyung” he says a few minutes later is so absolute and meaningful. There is no evil maknae in that moment, only  _ the _ Super Junior maknae, Cho Kyuhyun. Heechul feels so grateful to have earned that thanks.

The Super Junior-M maknae interrupts, “Now take a look at what we all made for you!”

Kyuhyun takes the poster from Heechul’s hand. On it are handwritten letters from all of the members, excluding Eunhyuk and Donghae who didn’t come back in time, and Heechul whose letter is inside of the scrapbook. Kyuhyun reads the letters, a reminiscent smile on his face. “Thank you, guys!” He says, making eye contact with each of the members in turn. Heechul pats his shoulder and then returns to his own seat to finish eating.

There is a lull in the conversation as everyone eats and watches Kyuhyun read and look through his presents. Each member has a smile on their faces, and Heechul concludes that this party was a great idea.

When it’s about time for cake, Heechul hears the squeak of a chair being pushed back as someone stands up. He looks to his right and sees that it is Siwon. 

“I have something important to say,” his boyfriend says.

Leeteuk covers his full mouth with one hand and gestures for Siwon to continue with the other. Heechul wonders what his boyfriend could possibly have to say.

Siwon smiles down at the elder, “Heechul and I have been going out for a month now.” 

_ Oh. There’s that. _

Kyuhyun looks up from his scrapbook with a questioning look, “Since when are you two a couple?”

Donghae laughs, “Since Heechul-hyung fell head over heels.” Heechul flicks the younger man on the forehead.

Leeteuk grins, “Since Siwon-ah went to Beijing to film.”

“Oh,” Kyuhyun nods, brow furrowed, clearly trying to make sense of the events that have gone on during his military service.

“Since they started practically living together in Heechul-hyung’s apartment!” Kangin winks suggestively, “We all know what they’ve been doing every night.”

Ryeowook makes a disgusted face at Kangin, “Hyung! Stop that!”

“Anyways…” Siwon continues, with a blush of embarrassment dusted over his cheeks, “I’d like to present Heechul with a gift as well.”

“Why do you have to be so formal?” Heechul comments idly, but then he realizes the meaning of Siwon’s words, “Shit, an  _ anniversary _ gift? But I didn’t get you anything.”

Siwon chuckles, “Nothing is necessary, Princess.”

Heechul blushes. Such an embarrassing moment just  _ has  _ to happen in front of the other members. 

“Oh, get on with it already, lovebirds!” Shindong calls out.

“Yeah! We only want to know how much money Siwon is willing to spend on you!” Kyuhyun snickers.

“Yah, Kyuhyun!” Heechul scolds, “Just because this party is mainly for you doesn’t mean you’re allowed to drop your honorifics! Call Siwon Hyung!” His words are more fond than angry. Who knows how many times he or one of the other members have reprimanded Kyuhyun on not being polite enough.

The maknae sticks his tongue out rudely, and Heechul suddenly feels completely at home.

“Chullie,” Siwon resumes, pulling out a small silver box and directing his eyes at his lover, “Here you are. I couldn’t wait for our 100th day, so...happy one-month.” He hands Heechul the box with a charming smile on his face.

Heechul takes it hesitantly. If it’s what he thinks it is, the other members will never let him live it down. Why does Siwon have to choose here and now to do this?

“Go on,” Eunhyuk urges with a grin, “Open it.”

Heechul lifts the lid slowly, and shuts it immediately, eyes wide. There is a silver ring inside of it and Heechul wants to throw up from his boyfriend’s extreme sweetness. He also wants to cry and kiss him eternally. “Thanks, Siwon,” he says meekly. What else can he say? There are no other words to capture what he feels. 

“What is it?” Sungmin shouts from across the table.

“Yeah, Hyung!” Ryeowook pouts, “I couldn’t see!”

Heechul’s face flushes darker and he sighs loudly. He doesn’t intend to respond, but Siwon answers for him. “It’s a couple ring.” He holds up his left hand, displaying his own silver ring. 

“Ah, how cheesy!” Kangin laughs. 

Leeteuk slaps his shoulder, saying, “I think it’s sweet. You never do anything like that for me!” His boyfriend rubs the back of his neck in shame, confirming Leeteuk’s statement.

“Put it on, Heechul-hyung!” Zhoumi calls, and then Henry whistles loudly.

Heechul groans, but realizes that there are more genuine smiles showing on the members’ faces than mocking ones. So he opens up the box and slides the sparkling ring on his finger. 

His hand is immediately snatched away, before he can even admire the ring, and kissed by Siwon’s lips. Heechul yanks his hand away, “Okay, that’s enough. You’re so sweet that I think I’m going to barf.” 

Siwon laughs and sits down, “Actually, I can get just a bit sweeter.” He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a bar of white chocolate. “I hope this chocolate will remind you of me only.”

Heechul grabs it and holds it to his chest, “You know me too well.”

“Hello?” Kyuhyun waves his hands, “We’re all still here.”

Heechul turns to the maknae, “Yeah, we know. It’s cake time, isn’t it?”

“Cake?” Kyuhyun asks, eyes bright.

Sungmin, Shindong, and Ryeowook all get up to serve the cake. They bring it out from under the corner table and take it out of the box to place on the banquet table. Everyone’s eyes light up since the only ones who have seen it are the ones who bought and decorated it. “Welcome Home, Kyu” is written in chocolate frosting on top, and the whole cake is decorated with a rainbow of colors and sprinkles, obviously Ryeowook and Sungmin’s ideas. 

Everyone takes photos with the cake, and of Kyuhyun with the cake to post to their social media accounts. Heechul tries to take a group selca, but there are far too many members, so he ends up taking two photos.

Shindong cuts the cake and makes sure that everyone gets a portion of it. Then the members sit down to eat, conversations starting up again. Only one member is mostly quiet, and Heechul notices a second member taking care of it.

Ryeowook moves from his seat next to Henry to an empty seat next to Yesung, who smiles at him the moment he sits down. They talk quietly, possibly about the conclusion of Yesung’s mystery drama, and Heechul finds himself watching them closely. They eat and converse for a while, soft grins on their lips. No one pays them any attention, save for Heechul.

Ryeowook gets a smudge of frosting on the edge of his lips, and Heechul is waiting for Yesung to take his chance, as if he’s watching a drama. It takes the singer a moment to realize it, but he eventually takes his finger and swipes it away.

_ “There was a piece of mango on your cheek…” _

Heechul is hit with a wave of nostalgia in the form of Siwon’s voice. He glances over to his lover unconsciously, and then back to the other two.

Ryeowook leans in and whispers something in Yesung’s ear that makes him blush and smile. Heechul knows that things will go well from here on out.  

“So,” Leeteuk places his utensils down and looks around the banquet room. “Is it too soon to start talking about our comeback?”

Everyone whoops loudly, including Heechul who has been more than ready for this.

“Okay. Well, Kyuhyun, to inform you,” Leeteuk directs towards the maknae, “All of the songs have been composed and lyrics written...except for the title song, which they actually left up to us.” A collective “Whoa” goes around. Leeteuk continues,  “We have chosen to allow you to choose what to do for that song.” 

Kyuhyun’s eyes widen again, “Well, what’s our concept?”

“Innocent and fun love.” Sungmin answers, “And a happily ever after.”

“So like a prince and princess?” Kyuhyun asks, “Like Cinderella?” His eyes immediately lock on Heechul, who raises an eyebrow at him.

“I guess so.” Ryeowook says, “Reminds me of my solo album. Kind of, anyways.”

A positively evil grin spreads across Kyuhyun’s face, and Heechul starts to get a bad feeling about this. The evil maknae is back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter in Heechul's POV! Thank you guys so much for reading this.   
> Next chapter will be the epilogue, in Siwon's POV.


	21. Turning Time Back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “I try vomiting you by getting drunk  
> I try turning time back like a broken clock” ~ Heechul, “Don't Leave Me”
> 
> Welcome to the very last chapter of “You’re Magic and I’m the Devil”! Sorry it's so short, but please enjoy!

 

It’s the last day of recording, and Siwon is sitting on a bench outside of the studio. A few of the other members are still in the studio, including his boyfriend. Today, the editors revealed the final look of their comeback MV, and Siwon has yet to watch it. He has been waiting all day to watch it with Heechul.

Siwon didn’t expect Kyuhyun to suggest what he did, nor did he expect to play such an immense role in the MV, but he quickly realized how perfect it would be for a Super Junior comeback. Though they would be taking somewhat of a risk, the producers encouraged the idea right from the start. They are being managed by their own “Label SJ” after all; this comeback is entirely by Super Junior and for their ELF.

Siwon checks his SNS idly, trying to pass the time. A few moments later, he hears the door open.

It is Heechul, with his newly-dyed orange hair and characteristic sunglasses. He takes the shades off once he spots his lover, and breaks out into a beautiful smile.

“Had fun in there?” Siwon winks, linking their pinkies when Heechul sits next to him.

The elder smirks, “No. I had to hit all these high notes; I don’t know how KRY do it all the time!”

“I don’t know either. But I’m glad that you are singing more.” He runs a few fingers through Heechul’s long hair, which is styled in curls reminiscent of their debut age, “Your voice is really pretty.”

Heechul rolls his eyes, “You can’t possibly plan on complimenting me every day.”

Siwon laughs, “Of course I can. You’re worth it.”

The elder leans his head on Siwon’s shoulder, expression unreadable. He’s like this often—mysterious, yet obviously embarrassed—and Siwon loves that about him. His personality is so complicated, so prone to change every day, and always full of surprises.

“Ready to watch the MV?” Siwon pats the top of the elder’s orange head.

“Yup!” Heechul sits straight, eyes lit up, “Did they give you a copy?”

Siwon switches his phone back on, “Yeah. They sent it right to my phone.”

“Yay!” Heechul exclaims, “Let’s watch!”

_ ~ _

_ _

_ A prince and his princess, dancing together. Music box chimes play gently as they twirl around in an ornate ballroom. Her face is entirely covered in a bejeweled mask; his is not. He is dressed in a white suit with purple apulets and golden trim. His princess is wearing a glittering, golden ball gown. And she wears a characteristic smirk upon her lips. _

_ The scene fades to black and another scene appears, with the voices of Super Junior singing in the background [lyrics at bottom]. There is an annual masquerade ball occurring, with beautiful women and handsome men dancing and celebrating. The host of this party stands by the hors d'oeuvres, a pleasant smile upon his lips. The prince starts seeing flashes of bright gold moving throughout the crowd. The flashes lead him to the terrace, where a fully masked princess of stares up at the stars. Even though the prince cannot see her face, he imagines it as beautiful as her gown. _

_ He asks her what she is doing outside when she could be dancing and enjoying herself inside. She says she’d rather look at the stars. He says he will join her.  _

_ They enjoy each other’s company and by the night’s end, he has her in his arms and dancing slowly to the music. And then he asks if he may remove her mask. The scene fades just as he lifts it. _

_ The next evening, a letter arrives at the prince’s palace. He reads the neat handwriting with a concerned look on his face. The letter reads that his princess is being forced to leave the country with her family, and that she wants to run away to him, but cannot do it without his help. _

_ The prince leaves right away, riding his chestnut horse in the dead of night. There is a golden light shining from a first-floor bedroom of a dilapidated house bearing the address of the sender. He throws a small pebble at the window, and then his princess appears at the window. The camera never shows her entire face, but the prince can surely see it. He smiles at her and beckons her down. She grabs a bag of clothes and meets him outside.  _

_ They ride on his horse, back to his palace. There, they steal loving kisses and eat a midnight meal. They both have wide smiles on their faces. _

_ Time passes and they go on outings, spending time just being in love. One day, when they are out on a picnic, she feels the urge to cough and when she takes her hand away there is bright crimson blood staining her golden satin gloves. _

_ Soon she falls deathly ill. Her prince is in disbelief, but he spends each night at her bedside, holding her hands and kissing her lips. One night, she doesn’t kiss back. It is not until her prince buries her deep in the ground that his tears fall. _

_ The prince spends most of his time locked up in her old bedroom, hoping for her ghost to come back to him. He finds belongings of hers—a handkerchief, a bejeweled mask, a bloody glove—and holds onto them as treasures. His eyes soon grow dry with crying. _

_ Months later, as he’s examining her golden glove, the prince coughs into his hand, and there again is the crimson substance that signaled the beginning of the end. _

_ Though he cried in the months in between her death and his, he dies with a smile on his lips. He’s coming to her now. _

_ That scene fades to black along with the singing, and the first scene reappears with the music box chimes. This time, the two are ethereal beings, a prince and his princess, dancing together for eternity.  _

~

“It looks amazing!” Heechul shouts, hugging his lover. 

Siwon chuckles, “It’s a good thing that it does. It took forever to film!”

“Yeah!” Heechul cringes, “And I can’t believe they found a corset big enough to fit me!”

“It was custom-made, Princess. But you really look like a woman in it. Do you think ELF will figure it out?”

“With the way the cameramen and editors hid my face, probably not!” Heechul giggles, “But really, who cares! The other members’ relationships are all practically outed; why can’t we be? Anyways, our producing team approved the MV idea.”

Siwon shakes his head, “I still can’t believe they did.”

“Times are changing,” Heechul winks. “But I’m more astounded by the fact that Kyuhyun picked  _ us. _ He could have chosen any pair of actors, but he wanted us to be the royal couple.”

Siwon shrugs, “‘Masquerade’ is perfect for us, in a way...Yet I do think Kyu just wanted to make us suffer in those costumes.”

“Evil maknae, as always,” Heechul sighs, leaning back onto his boyfriend’s shoulder. “Are you ready for SS7 yet?”

“We still have a few more weeks. The MV won’t even be officially released until tonight,” Siwon smiles, “And the album will be another few days...Though I’m always ready.”

“Me too.” Heechul says. He laces his fingers in his lover’s. His orange hair drapes over Siwon’s right shoulder, curling delicately.

Siwon strokes the elder’s hair, “Do you know why I like this color on you?”

“Why?” Heechul asks, rubbing the younger’s knuckles.

“Because it reminds me of when we debuted. You had a hairstyle like this in ‘Twins’.”

“Oh, right. I forgot that. I only changed it because Gunhee insisted, but now that I think about it, you’re right.” Heechul runs a hand through his own hair.

“Back then, when we had just met.” Siwon grins reminiscently, “You were the Cinderella, and I was your protector.”

“We’re still kind of like that.” Heechul snickers, “But don’t say ‘back then’; you make me feel old!”

“Well it was thirteen years ago. That’s a pretty long time.”  

“I suppose so…” Heechul grows silent and Siwon knows that he’s thinking hard. But the words he says next make Siwon’s heart jump out of his chest. “Stay with me even longer than that, will you, Wonnie?”

When Siwon answers, “Yes,” he catches the slightest hint of a blush on Heechul’s eternally beautiful face. 

 

**Masquerade**

**(written by my dear little sister)**

 

[SW] The first time I saw you

You left me with a bitter taste in my mouth

[HC] A feeling I recognized instantly

"Desire"

 

[LT] Dancing around in high heel shoes

You're beautiful from head to toe

[KI] Your hair gleams in the ballroom light

Who is this girl?

Have I seen her before?

 

[YS] I walk up to her

[KH] My breath escapes me

[RW] Her face is covered with a mask

 

[Chorus]

Who is this Masquerade?

She left me on the dancefloor

A bitter taste in my mouth I recognize

I can't take anymore

I have to know

Where did she go?

 

[SM] My life is going in a straight line

Without any direction

[DH] I want to jump tracks 

But no one else wants to be with me

 

[SW] She looked familiar

[HC] A girl from my dreams

[KH] She stood in front of me, blocking my path

[RW] "Who are you?" she asked me

[YS] Then I turned left and jumped

 

[Chorus]

Who is this Masquerade?

She left me on the dancefloor

A bitter taste in my mouth I recognize

I can't take anymore

I have to know

Where did she go?

 

[SD] As I'm falling

She's no where to catch me

[EH] As I tumble through the air

She never appears

[DH] Why won't you come back to me, my baby?

 

[Interlude]

[KH] A long time ago

A girl I used to know

[YS] Hiding her face under a mask

[RW] She asked me to dance

And I said-

 

[Chorus]

Who is this Masquerade?

She left me on the dancefloor

A bitter taste in my mouth I recognize

I can't take anymore

I have to know

Where did she go?

 

[SW] Why did she go...

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for reading! It has been quite a journey, hasn’t it? Heehee~
> 
> Now, as a present to my dear readers, I have posted the first chapter of my new Super Junior fanfic “Grow Up, Super Junior!” at the same time as the last chapter of this one :-) Please read, subscribe, comment, and support me in this new journey of a family au fic! I have posted it on AsianFanFics alone this time to make updating easier.
> 
> Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1098804/grow-up-super-junior-eunhae-sichul-superjunior-kangteuk-superjuniorm-familyau-domesticau


End file.
